What could she be up to?

DH's ex is after the birth certificates for DSD1 and DSD2 (whom we have no contact with, that's another story and I won't go there). The ex asked DH via his mother this morning.

We are all wondering what she could possibly want them for, after all, she hasn't had them for over 18 mths.

So my question is - what things / services etc would you need a 6 and a 3 yr olds birth certificates for??? It could be a case that she wants them 'just because' - but she's always been sneaky, so I'm wondering what she is up to.

A passport is the only thing I can think of - any other ideas?

I don't get it? These are her children, right? She could just apply to the Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages for them (although they will charge a small fee), as a parent.

You can need a birth certificate for a lot of things, opening a bank account, passport, health concession card, school enrolment, etc, etc.

passport
school enrolment
bank accounts
joining some clubs (a neighbour of ours recently had to produce a birth certificate for under 6 soccer!)

If she is the sneaky type maybe trying to change their name or similar - but she needs your DH's permission for that (she mightn't realise though)

But all she has to do is apply to births deaths and marriages and she can get a new copy anyway. Maybe she doesn't realise this - tell her to do that instead of giving her your DH's copy - it may be useful to have in the future.

Bugger her! I'd be making her fork out for a new set if she wants them that badly.

Yes, she's not the sharpest tool in the shed - and DH did relay that she can apply to get them through BDM herself.

The kids have their bank accounts already (could be a new account maybe?), 6 yr old is already at school - so she didn't need the certificate then to enrol (which after just going thru enrolling our kids to school I find odd ;)).

Yep, Muppity, I'm thinking she may be trying to change their surname, but she would lie and say DH can't be contacted as she knows he wouldn't agree to the change...

I'm quite curious...she won't let us have the kids - and we haven't seen them since April 2008 sadly. DH is just over it all - anything to do with her turns into a battle. She want want wants everything - and does / did nothing in return. Considering how much CS she gets each fortnight, I know some ladies on BB are doing it tough on receiving CS - if any at all like my cousin...So yeh, Trillian - she can go buy her own!

I seriously hope so too - I mean, we're both police officers - so pretty easy to locate! :lol:

Do / would BDM make their own investigations to find DH or is that up to the parent to prove they've tried to make several attempts to contact him?

Could be an after school activity? My dad needed it to sign my niece up to Little As?

Hope its nothing dodgy x

That is really really wierd. She won't let you have them, yet she contacts you for the b/certs???

Yep, thats right Lulu. Hence why I'm suspicious - could be the police officer in me, but I'm sus!

She asked DH herself November last year, and then said no we can't see them at all over Xmas, and then a further we can't EVER see them. So DH told her to shove it - she aint getting the certificates. They haven't spoken since.

Todays request came via Dh's mum...

Considering you are both cops she should try being a little sneakier in future shouldn't she? :rofl: It doesn't *feel* right to me, why keep chasing you down for them? I hope it is as innocent as signing them up for a sport or something.

I am really confused. These are her kids - she has everyright to the certificates - but why have you got the children's certificates when they live with their Mum???

I don't know about changing their names - I don't thinkit's an easy process to change a childs name legally. However, she can call them whatever she wants - so basically they can use her name and that does not need to go through BDM... If of course she wants to alter their name officially she would need to go through BDM.

I would just think she wants to keep their originals. You need birth certificates for lots of things. Not sure why she didn't just apply for new ones.

Yes - I hope it is just for an after school activity too Trillian, but my thinking is that she wanted the certificates last year, and again today - so I think there is some alterior motive (or a huge waiting list to play netball after school :lol:).

DH's mum only relayed the msg and doesn't / won't ask questions - otherwise if she puts a foot wrong with her she will also lose contact with them too. This woman is happy to hold her kids as ransom over their own Grandmother! Pffft!

Oh, the reason we have them is DH took them from the house when he moved out of the 'marial' house long ago, as she was quite careless with paperwork, she always misplaced bills and she said he should take them in case she lost them. Go figure.

I know someone mentioned it for them opening a bank account for the kids and you said they already had one ... would she need birth certificates if she wants to withdraw money from their accounts?

Or maybe for Centrelink/parenting payments if she is having issues?

It sounds pretty impulsive to me if she was after them a while ago, forgot about it and now wants them again. Going through BDM will mean she has to wait a while for them or pay extra (but there is still a minimum turn around period). Sounds like it might be good to make her wait for them and whatever it is she wants might not be an issue for her by the time she gets them.

I don't really get why it's okay to make people wait etc? :dunno: I don't understand. :think: I would just send them to her if she needs them and then put it to bed. If she has behaved badly - I get that it's upsetting but it's no skin off anyone's nose if she has the certificates and she can get on her way. I think you are using up your precious gorgeous energy wondering - it always feels good to help someone else out. :hug:

Or, photocopy them and have a jp sign the photocopy to authorise it's from the original and send a few copies to her if it's important to you both to have these certificates.

It is a costly exercise and also takes time to apply to BDM. :hug:

Inanna - you must be the most forgiving and patient person!! I wish I had that in me, well usually I do - just not with this lady unfortunately.

She has caused our family sooo much trouble - and if it means she has to pay for her own copies and organise to get them herself, pffft - she can do it. It'd take $80 and 5 business days till she gets them.

IMO these are the last things DH has of the kids, other than memories - that they even exsist. Plus he's gone through so much stress dealing with her and gone out of his way so often to try and help her out and she's virtually spat on him in return. So I understand and support his decision.

But why she wants them - I can only guess, hopefully you are right Inanna and she only wants them for her records. But I doubt it.

She'll need your DH's consent to change their names or get passports, regardless of who has copies of the BCs. You might be hearing from her lawyers if she wants to do either and he doesn't want to consent.

I'm not sure why she hasn't applied for her own copies. Perhaps she doesn't realise that she can do that? (Although the application process can be a little fiddly).

And whilst I can see why your DH doesn't want to hand them over, I can also see that she wants them because he has them, and he won't hand them over because she wants them...Yet both of them could apply for extra copies if they wanted to.

I don't think this will be the end of it...which is sad for everyone.

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She asked DH herself November last year, and then said no we can't see them at all over Xmas, and then a further we can't EVER see them.

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What I don't understand is how this is possible? Doesn't the court say your DH has a right to see his children?

If she is threatening that he will NEVER see them again....I would suggest maybe she needs passports???

No court orders in place Maz.

Until she got her new BF it was no problem us seeing the kids, then he came on the scene and that was the end of that.

It is at least reassuring that DH's mum still keeps in contact with the kids - thats one thing. But she doesn't tell us when she see's them or speaks to them - another condition the ex put on her having contact with them, that DH and I don't find out about it :rolleyes:.

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No court orders in place Maz.

Until she got her new BF it was no problem us seeing the kids, then he came on the scene and that was the end of that.

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Well, I'd be doing something about that ASAP!! She has no right to withhold his children. It is not fair on him or the kids! Fight for them babe!!

I've already tried to get DH to go down that line.

I will keep trying, its a delicate subject as you can understand, he misses them so much.

He's emotionally exhausted from the whole situation to do with her, fights, deception, lies etc, and we aren't yet in a financial position to fight either. I just wish she had any concious....her attitude is a far cry from her original 'they're your kids too, I'd never take them away from you' line...!

When we needed DD's birth cert we just went to the city, filled out a form and waited in line. Took over an hour but wasn't really a hassle.
I hope he is not paying maintenance if she has decided he cannot see his children. Not sure she would have a leg to stand on if it ever went to court.
Let's just hope it is something innocent that she wants them :)

Yep, she gets just over $1,000 each month from DH...

Child support isn't paid on the condition that a child has visitation iwth the other parent. It is paid to cover the costs of raising that child. The more Child support paid to a parent the less FTB part A & B is payable.

I too don't understnad why he doesn't see a Solicitor and organise for some visits. Unless there has been violence or an AVO or his children are old enough to decline contact he would most likely get some contact.

I hope you can all work it out soon. :hug:

If there is no court order in place, she can organise passports and take them out of the country.

Legal aid does custody stuff all the time so you can go through there so he gets to see his kids. The first step of any custody stuff is mediation - sitting down with a third party present and trying to come up with a solution that suits everyone. It is very rare in custody hearings now that it is awarded to only one parent. Even in situations where one parent is clearly not fit to take care of children, they are still given supervised visitation. I think the courts are starting to acknowledge more and more how important it is for children to have both their parents in their lives. I would really encourage you to have a chat to your DH about his kids. They are worth him fighting for the right to see them and it will only get harder as they get older. Don't wait for her to become civil. It may never happen.

Without a custody order, she doesn't need permission from your DH to do lots of things with the kids and she may need a birth certificate for it. Unless there is a custody order, it is the same as if you were living and raising your kids together, only one parent needs to sign for permission.

I hope she isn't up to anything. She may just want the BC because she is worried about what your DH may do, or it may be her way of getting some power and control in the situation. Who knows.

Good luck with everything.

We got a passport for DD recently in QLD and because I filled out the form and got DP to sign it they actually called DP to confirm his consent. So unless she is willing to forge his signature and lie to them it is unlikely that she will be able to get passports.

Why not just ask her what she wants them for if you need to know???

It is not a simple process to get a passport without the other party signing... I am sure it's just a mundane reason that is important to her.

Again, I hope your husband steps up & organises to see his kids - for their sakes. Kids need both parents in their life. :hug:

She won't divulge why she wants it, and we don't have any method to contact her anyway - no known home address or phone number. And DH's mum won't enlighten us to their whereabouts either.

DH has had enough of it all quite frankly, I respect everyones opinion about him trying to fight for his kids etc - but at this point in his life, he won't do it for reasons I can't state (due to our employemnt). Every now and then it comes up in topic - he knows he has my support, but I'm not going to push him into starting another battle with his ex - even if it is for the kids I'm sorry to say. On top of that my mother has about 10 mths to live and we don't need any additional stress with courts, legal fee's and time off of work. It may sound selfish - perhaps it is - but we're done with fighting with her for good.

With everything we've had to deal with in the last 18 mths, my DH has certainly stepped up many, many times - and I couldn't ask for a better father for my kids.

Thanks again ladies!

It must be tough leesa, I'm so sorry you are both going through this. And I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I think its a fair call for you to tell her to get her own copies. It sounds like she's not making life easy for you guys or for her children. But the thing is even if you choose not to fight now, one day the children will see it for what it really is and who knows how you will both feel in 12 months time.

Goodluck!

If he's concerned about them leaving the country permanently, then get an Airport Watch List Order and a Location Order directed to Centrelink, to enable her to be served with the Application.

Should only be done if he has the evidence though...

Leesa, I understand and I'm sure it wouldn't have been an easy thing for him to decide :hug: I hope that when they are older they want to start a relationship with their dad.

It sounds like you have a bit to deal with at the moment.
My thoughts are with you both at this time and I hope things start to settle down for you..
Knowing he has your full support with whatever decision is made, this will be easier on him on whatever decisions he makes regarding the children. :)

I hope your mum is not too uncomfortable. This all must be very very difficult for you ... :hug: