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The thought of labour terrifies me. I keep putting it in the back of my mind but now it is so close im so terrified. The whole process of me having no control over my body is scary, the idea that something could happen to my baby terrifies me and the fact i may need a blood tranfusion (due to my severe anemia) terrifies me. Im at a loss at what to do I feel overwhelmed and upset about everything. I hope this makes sence but I just dont really no what to do...
Hun, are you reading up? Are you arming yourself with knowledge?
I understand completely, I feel exactly the same way...I have no solution and spend my time thinking about it constantly, I even wake up at night because i dream (perhaps nightmare would be a better description) about it.
If it helps i don't think we are alone, maybe a really close friend or a supportive midwife or doula would help make you feel a bit safer?
Lulu- Ive been very slack ive only read new active birth which was amazing I probably should read some more
Black Duckies- Its great to here im not alone. Have you used a doula? Is it worthwhile?
What Lulu said! Grab a few books and DVD's and start getting prepared. You really need to understand and realise what is about to happen. You don't want to go in there with no knowledge at all of what's happening, and not get the birth you want. You may not realise now what you want, but afterwards, you'll be wishing you had of prepared a little better.:
Big hugs Lauren - I know what you're going through as I was initially scared crapless but I will tell you that you ARE in control of your body. Even if you don't think you are today, there are a lot of things you can do to ensure you have as much power over your labour as possible.
I'm not the most knowledgeable when it comes to all of the methods out there to have the best birthing experience possible or to minimise the pain of labour but I know there is a HEAP of info on here from the other girls about how to do it. My DS came very early, so I was only getting into learning about being an active participant in the birthing process as opposed to just giving up and freaking out, but if it makes you feel any better I only read part of one book and somehow between my body's natural instincts and flashes of the pictures I remembered I was able to use that info quite effectively.
I know a lot of the girls recommend some sort hypnotherapy I think and they seem to love it but I never made it that far in my pregnancy to explore it any further.
Anyway, I apologise this sounds so flighty and not very helpful but my point is that there IS a lot of help here and while it's more than ok to be scared, especially considering the potential of complications due to your anemia, there are so many tools available to help you through it.
S xo
Have you thought about Hypnobirth or Calmbirth? They arm you with the knowledge and help you understand and relax with your thoughts and feelings on it all. It does cost a bit, but it will help both you and your partner and is well worth it in my opinion. Another tool for the toolbox IYKWIM!
Having a Doula was the best decision i made! - she helped me achieve the birth i wanted and was a constant source of support and knowledge - i (like you) was TERRIFIED of giving birth and when i found out i would be induced due to a medical condition i was even more scared- i then went on to have a 7 hr vaginal birth with a bit of gas and no tears! - I know 100% that if i hadn't had my Doula (and done a lot of reading) i would have gone into the birth process under a cloud of fear and not aware of what my body was actually capable of. So to answer your question, YES having a Doula is very worthwhile!! :D:
Sweet, although to a certain extent you can't control exactly what your body does in labour (although there are heaps of things you can do to help it do what it's going to do naturally), but you can control how you respond to your body.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by the thought of your body being out of control, remember that your body is in control, but as sentient beings we are so used to our minds controlling our actions that the thought of relinquishing that control to purely biological processes can be frightening. Perhaps pregnancy yoga or meditation would help you get in tune with your body and in a headspace where you can work with your body rather than feeling like your conscious mind needs to direct the process.
It might also benefit you to learn as much as you can about the physiological process of labour and that there is a huge variance of 'normal' in terms of what each woman feels in labour, so that when it happens you are better able to go with the flow of it rather than worrying about it.
Great way of putting it Suse :clap::
Hun, don't let your FEAR take over..... please read as much as you possibly can about labour and birth and what happens to the body when it happens etc. Keep reminding yourself that women have been birthing for thousands of years and it's totally natural, normal and exciting :D Read as much as you can about your condition you have so you are best equipped with knowledge.
Remember, knowledge is power ;)
I had an amazing natural birth and I really honestly believe it was partly (mostly) because I went in with NO fear of the birthing process whatsoever and I trusted my body, it knew what to do.... I went with my body. I accepted the inevitable, accepted that yes there would be pain but GOOD pain... pain with purpose ;) I also had a very supportive DH who I educated about the birthing process and my rights etc and we read things together.... I helped prepare him for what was to happen and what I would need him to do for me during the whole thing... he was amazing. If you don't feel you have a supportive partner to bring in with you, perhaps a Doula would be wonderful?
I also went in knowing that I could not control every part of the birthing process, only some parts of it and that nature would do the rest..... your MIND you can control.
I had a private midwife at my first DD birth, well worth it. i trusted her completely and she was very supportive. It was long and difficult but I did really well i thought. Every bub since then has had its good points and bad points, intially when labour starts I have been excited but soon afterwards felt overwhelmed, I have labours with a lot of back pain and its hard to get relief...my last 3 have ended in emergency CS...I would like to hire a doula but with the chances of CS high on the cards it seems a bit pointless.
This baby was not planned and labour ( well actually birth.. however... CS is more scary than natural birth for me) would be one of the reasons high on my list of not wanting to do it again. But I have to!!!!! EEEEKKKKKK:o
Terrific point.:
The girls are right !!! the times when i have felt the most overwhelmed were when I had the feeling that I did'nt have much support in the room, either i did'nt gel with the midwifes or they seemed really young or a bit like they were waiting for shift to end?? My DH is caring but he finds it hard to be assertive and would take their opinion as gospel assuming that they know what they are doing(cause its their job). I have had my mum in during the labour on 2 occasions, that was helpful cause i knew that she would do whatever it took to get it done, whatever "it" was, plus she has done it before on a few occasions and well!!!
:hug: hun :hug:
I remember feeling like you were duing my pregnancy but I got past it by educating myself on as many different births as possible.
I didnt have a drawn out birth plan as I had no idea how my body would cope with it. What I did do was trust my body that it could do it. I trusted my DP, I trusted the 2 midwives who were supporting me and helped me to birth DD. It is a leap of faith but you need to stay as positive as you can.
The last few weeks before I had DD I think i read every single birth story posted on BB! I gathered so much inspiration from all of the stories, each different and individual but all very miraculous.
I did read up on hypno birthing as well but to be honest the main thing I did during labour was positve self talk. I was saying to myself over and over again "Its okay, Its okay, its okay". I truly believe this helped me.
Keep talking and asking questions to all the lovely BB people out there as it helps lots :hug:
I sit here completley drenched in tears
I am so thankful I have so many ideas now but I have another question...
DF is sitting here with me and id just as scared as I am and we wonder how we can help him be really incorperated with preparing for labour with me?
Do you have other friends who have had kids???
DP didnt want to go to classes and neither did I so we chose not to do them.
Instead DP spoke to a few mates who had had children and were there for the birth and told him what to expect how he could be supportive, what not to do, etc.
Do you think your DF could do that?
:hug: to you both. You guys are going to be fine. Just concentrate on your precious miracle that you will get to hold and snuggle and kiss and fall in love with like you have never loved before! Its amazing!!
Read the same books, read the same birth stories (plenty of them here), have a chat about it together.
Don't focus on the negatives. My first was over and done with in 5 hours - no reason yours won't be the same - no reason you might need a transfusion etc etc etc iykwim?
It doesn't HAVE to be all doom and gloom. Yes, labour is hard work eeerm -probably why they call it labour ha ha bloody ha - but if you can, get in a headspace to celebrate your body and trust it.
Your body is already doing something amazing, it won't necesarrily spaz out at the last minute.
xoxoxoxo Pm me any ole time you want xoxoxo
Do the hospital birthing classes, that way he will understand what is to come, my DH was a bit upset becasue I was grouchy / and ordered him around..???? Definatley another support person so if he needs a break, he can, even if its only to sit in a corner for a moment or wait it out while you shower etc. Write a birth plan of what you want together, so he understands what is important to you or what you might like and most of all be flexiable, often what you think you want and what you do is very different when it comes to the time. i thought I wanted to labour in the bath< th ewhole pregancy I wanted baths, when it came to labour I got in the bath then got straight back out!!! Dh was horriffied that it had taken so long to run and then I did'nt use it!!! Last time I expected that i would be walking heaps, whneit came to the time all I wanted to do was kneel beside the bed with my head on the side and DH to hold my hands.
and if there is some blokey type person around that could chat with DH about what to expect, that could go far too, cos they all talk in the same grunty-type language.
In all seriousness, for all my exp's faults, he is really a great bloke to chat to about labour and what to expect. I have found him lecturing a couple at a bus stop once - and they actually thanked him!
Are you near any of us BBers? Why don't you meet up with some of us in person (bring your df if you want) and ask some questions - if you're near me, you're most welcome over for dinner - dh caught our second bub at home so he knows a bit now too. :p
I know with both my labours, I read up on it a bit, got myself a good second birth support partner, wrote birth intentions and then just figured, what happens will happen - I'd practiced a bit of breathing, knew I wanted to use water for pain relief, but I really tried not to think too much about it. It's not the sort of thing you can fully prepare for, the feeling, how efficiently your body goes into its zone, all that stuff is new and instinctive and you just have to breathe and roll with it.
As for the transfusion - let me assure you that I had a transfusion with #2 (once I got to hospital), and it really was fine. There was an issue with the canula in my arm, but I don't think it was a super common one. But the transfusion itself didn't hurt, and I talked with them about the chances of contracting something (that was my personal worry).
That's where we found Calmbirth helped us. Not just from a book - from a real live trainer who had been to many births herself. Alot of what Calmbirth is about is supporting both of you, and to help DP become part of the birth not an awkward bystander. My DH would not read any books so he relied on whatever I told him. The hospital classes weren't much chop because it just tended to focus on what pain relief was available, with a little bit of the process thrown in for good measure. But going to the Calmbirth classes allowed us to understand the process and ask real questions of the trainer, plus we also had a visit from another couple who had their baby a few months earlier so we could ask them any questions we liked. They talked very openly and honestly and didn't have the magic perfect birth, but they had a positive one and I think that is the best you could hope for. My DH really got a grip on it all from that point, and is very eager to tell anyone who will listen about it!! We even have friends doing Calmbirth on his recommendation!!
Friends that we met in our Calmbirth classes went and spoke at another class after they had their little girl - she definitely didn't have the perfect birth ending in emergency c/s but still came out of it with a really positive outlook on it all. Same here..... c/s but the only think I really regret is not getting rid of the crappy midwife I got assigned.... especially annoyed because I knew that I could ask for another but wouldn't let some other poor woman get stuck with her!
But I think doing Calmbirth or Hypnobirthing from a book or CDs, although helpful, doesn't give you the full picture, and kind of leaves your DP out. The more he learns for himself, the more confident he will be in supporting you, and the more confident you will be that he will support you and not leave you to deal with it all on your own.
But don't take my word for it.... do some research and decide if it is something you would both like to do. PM me if you want, I'm more than happy to answer questions on my experiences. :D And that isn't just the Calmbirth experience either.
:hug: Hun,like the others said, talk to people, read books, google, read birth stories, get all the information you can. Speak to your doctor.
I had my Mum and DH in for first birth. For second I had a doula/friend and DH. I really loved having a doula, they know you, and can help you through.
Good luck
This is actually what I was intending to convey to you Lauren but thankfully the others managed to phrase it much better than my cold and flu riddled head could.:
My other suggestion would be take up all of the offers of help and advice these ladies are offering. I'm seriously quite useless with this stuff but there are so many Mummy Goddesses on here to help you find your own way to having the birthing experience of your dreams.
And a big hello and hug to your DF for reading all of this along with you! That's a huge first step already!!
i wouldn't under estimate yourself!!! its logical to be afraid of the unknown, however the female body is incredible! If you keep reading you'l find stories of women who explain their experience as calm, relaxing (orgasmic if u believe it :pray: ) you may not know what to do, but your body is designed to do its thing and get bubs out :dance:
there's a few home birth and hospital birth vids on youtube, worth watching! There's a few youtube vids of Ina May Goskin (sp?) she suggested kissing in labour to relax and open up down there, ive known that bit of knowledge for my last 2 bubs and do u think i wanted a smooch in labor??!! hell No! LOL! Some things you wont know until the time comes e.g will i snack thru labor?
I am proud to say i have donated my healthy cord blood depleted placenta to a hospital birthing class.. (yay for grossing out soon-to-be-parents!!) The hospital birthing class i went to with #1 just made me confused, they can't all be bad tho!
All the best!!!!!!
trust in your midwife a good one will keep you calm and relaxed i swear i would have ended up a ceaser without my darling middies with my first born i was so dammn scared when i rocked up and they kept me so calm the whole time
Read the same books and also I would print off articles for my DH to read and leave them around the place.... he'd have a read before bed time.
We also watched Birth videos too, on you tube etc..... you see some amazing birth video's... it's great preparation.
Two words sweetheart.......Calm Birth
After my first baby I was petrified to do it all over again. So this time around I have decided to take control of the experience and be responsible for the decisions.
In that, I have chosen Calm Birth as my medium and just finished the course.
It cost us $380 but that included the trainer coming to our home for 6 hours on 2 Sundays and taking us through it personally. It also included the course workbook and CD's.
I highly recommend this because just from taking the classes I can honestly say I am looking forward to the experience.
I would suggest not leaving it past the 30 weeks because you'll want time to practice the breathing and relaxations.
Hi there!
One of the best things that happened with DH was when he came across Frederick Leboyer's "Birth Without Violence". he saw me reading it and was impressed by all of my 'ah ha!' moments (unfortunately i read it AFTER having had DD :rolleyes:). i think that this book really helps in providing a 'place' for the birth partner in that he offers 'roles' and stuff that they can take on during the labour and post birth. DH really liked that he was shown more active ways of being 'present' at the birth.
For my DH he felt really overewhelmed after seeing me in labour and felt a bit pushed to the side in terms of events etc. he didnt want to interfere with me or the midwives and as such, felt a bit left out and like the spare leg...we have decided to ensure that that wont happen again and will use Leboyers approach as much as possible as well as having the assistance of a doula.
have you looked into doing a hypnobirthing class or calmbirth class? i have heard that this can do wonders for people experiencing anxiety about birth...
I'll agree with the reading everything you can! (although be careful of google!!) I'm a bit of a control freak, and the idea of not being in control during labour freaked me out too - by reading up on stuff, i felt that it gave me some feeling of being in control.
As for DH, he wouldn't read anything but I would give him a synposis of everything I read. He also came along to all the appointments so that he could also listen and chat with our mw. We had a very lenghty discussion on what I wanted and so we went into it, with him fully in support of this. But he also knew to let me be flexible if we needed to be.
I also found pregnancy yoga really helpful - at one point during the classes, you would say affirmations to yourself, such as "my body knows what to do to birth this baby", etc. When I worried about labour, I would sit there and relax and say them to myself over and over.
Good luck - remember - you can do it!!
Hun, it's totally understandable that you're feeling this way. I was so stressed at the thought of labour and giving birth. In the end though, while it's great to have a plan and you should educate yourself as much as possible, you just have to take each contraction and moment as it comes individually.