To be completely honest

[lauren22]

The thought of labour terrifies me. I keep putting it in the back of my mind but now it is so close im so terrified. The whole process of me having no control over my body is scary, the idea that something could happen to my baby terrifies me and the fact i may need a blood tranfusion (due to my severe anemia) terrifies me. Im at a loss at what to do I feel overwhelmed and upset about everything. I hope this makes sence but I just dont really no what to do...

[Lulu]

Hun, are you reading up? Are you arming yourself with knowledge?

[Visitor7]

Hun, are you reading up? Are you arming yourself with knowledge?

What Lulu said! Grab a few books and DVD's and start getting prepared. You really need to understand and realise what is about to happen. You don't want to go in there with no knowledge at all of what's happening, and not get the birth you want. You may not realise now what you want, but afterwards, you'll be wishing you had of prepared a little better.

[MummyTummy]

Have you thought about Hypnobirth or Calmbirth? They arm you with the knowledge and help you understand and relax with your thoughts and feelings on it all. It does cost a bit, but it will help both you and your partner and is well worth it in my opinion. Another tool for the toolbox IYKWIM!

[blackduckies]

I had a private midwife at my first DD birth, well worth it. i trusted her completely and she was very supportive. It was long and difficult but I did really well i thought. Every bub since then has had its good points and bad points, intially when labour starts I have been excited but soon afterwards felt overwhelmed, I have labours with a lot of back pain and its hard to get relief...my last 3 have ended in emergency CS...I would like to hire a doula but with the chances of CS high on the cards it seems a bit pointless.
This baby was not planned and labour ( well actually birth.. however... CS is more scary than natural birth for me) would be one of the reasons high on my list of not wanting to do it again. But I have to!!!!! EEEEKKKKKK

[blackduckies]

The girls are right !!! the times when i have felt the most overwhelmed were when I had the feeling that I did'nt have much support in the room, either i did'nt gel with the midwifes or they seemed really young or a bit like they were waiting for shift to end?? My DH is caring but he finds it hard to be assertive and would take their opinion as gospel assuming that they know what they are doing(cause its their job). I have had my mum in during the labour on 2 occasions, that was helpful cause i knew that she would do whatever it took to get it done, whatever "it" was, plus she has done it before on a few occasions and well!!!

[AliBaby]

hun

I remember feeling like you were duing my pregnancy but I got past it by educating myself on as many different births as possible.

I didnt have a drawn out birth plan as I had no idea how my body would cope with it. What I did do was trust my body that it could do it. I trusted my DP, I trusted the 2 midwives who were supporting me and helped me to birth DD. It is a leap of faith but you need to stay as positive as you can.

The last few weeks before I had DD I think i read every single birth story posted on BB! I gathered so much inspiration from all of the stories, each different and individual but all very miraculous.

I did read up on hypno birthing as well but to be honest the main thing I did during labour was positve self talk. I was saying to myself over and over again "Its okay, Its okay, its okay". I truly believe this helped me.

Keep talking and asking questions to all the lovely BB people out there as it helps lots

[Queen]

Hun,like the others said, talk to people, read books, google, read birth stories, get all the information you can. Speak to your doctor.
I had my Mum and DH in for first birth. For second I had a doula/friend and DH. I really loved having a doula, they know you, and can help you through.
Good luck

[blackduckies]

I understand completely, I feel exactly the same way...I have no solution and spend my time thinking about it constantly, I even wake up at night because i dream (perhaps nightmare would be a better description) about it.
If it helps i don't think we are alone, maybe a really close friend or a supportive midwife or doula would help make you feel a bit safer?

[lauren22]

Lulu- Ive been very slack ive only read new active birth which was amazing I probably should read some more
Black Duckies- Its great to here im not alone. Have you used a doula? Is it worthwhile?

[~Gee_Whizzy~]

Have you used a doula? Is it worthwhile?

Having a Doula was the best decision i made! - she helped me achieve the birth i wanted and was a constant source of support and knowledge - i (like you) was TERRIFIED of giving birth and when i found out i would be induced due to a medical condition i was even more scared- i then went on to have a 7 hr vaginal birth with a bit of gas and no tears! - I know 100% that if i hadn't had my Doula (and done a lot of reading) i would have gone into the birth process under a cloud of fear and not aware of what my body was actually capable of. So to answer your question, YES having a Doula is very worthwhile!!

[suse]

Sweet, although to a certain extent you can't control exactly what your body does in labour (although there are heaps of things you can do to help it do what it's going to do naturally), but you can control how you respond to your body.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by the thought of your body being out of control, remember that your body is in control, but as sentient beings we are so used to our minds controlling our actions that the thought of relinquishing that control to purely biological processes can be frightening. Perhaps pregnancy yoga or meditation would help you get in tune with your body and in a headspace where you can work with your body rather than feeling like your conscious mind needs to direct the process.

It might also benefit you to learn as much as you can about the physiological process of labour and that there is a huge variance of 'normal' in terms of what each woman feels in labour, so that when it happens you are better able to go with the flow of it rather than worrying about it.

[Shanti]

Sweet, although to a certain extent you can't control exactly what your body does in labour (although there are heaps of things you can do to help it do what it's going to do naturally), but you can control how you respond to your body.
.

Great way of putting it Suse

Hun, don't let your FEAR take over..... please read as much as you possibly can about labour and birth and what happens to the body when it happens etc. Keep reminding yourself that women have been birthing for thousands of years and it's totally natural, normal and exciting Read as much as you can about your condition you have so you are best equipped with knowledge.

Remember, knowledge is power

I had an amazing natural birth and I really honestly believe it was partly (mostly) because I went in with NO fear of the birthing process whatsoever and I trusted my body, it knew what to do.... I went with my body. I accepted the inevitable, accepted that yes there would be pain but GOOD pain... pain with purpose I also had a very supportive DH who I educated about the birthing process and my rights etc and we read things together.... I helped prepare him for what was to happen and what I would need him to do for me during the whole thing... he was amazing. If you don't feel you have a supportive partner to bring in with you, perhaps a Doula would be wonderful?
I also went in knowing that I could not control every part of the birthing process, only some parts of it and that nature would do the rest..... your MIND you can control.

[Lulu]

but you can control how you respond to your body.

Terrific point.

[BloominRoses]

Sweet, although to a certain extent you can't control exactly what your body does in labour (although there are heaps of things you can do to help it do what it's going to do naturally), but you can control how you respond to your body.

This is actually what I was intending to convey to you Lauren but thankfully the others managed to phrase it much better than my cold and flu riddled head could.

My other suggestion would be take up all of the offers of help and advice these ladies are offering. I'm seriously quite useless with this stuff but there are so many Mummy Goddesses on here to help you find your own way to having the birthing experience of your dreams.

And a big hello and hug to your DF for reading all of this along with you! That's a huge first step already!!

[danniellabella]

Hun, it's totally understandable that you're feeling this way. I was so stressed at the thought of labour and giving birth. In the end though, while it's great to have a plan and you should educate yourself as much as possible, you just have to take each contraction and moment as it comes individually.

[BloominRoses]

Big hugs Lauren - I know what you're going through as I was initially scared crapless but I will tell you that you ARE in control of your body. Even if you don't think you are today, there are a lot of things you can do to ensure you have as much power over your labour as possible.

I'm not the most knowledgeable when it comes to all of the methods out there to have the best birthing experience possible or to minimise the pain of labour but I know there is a HEAP of info on here from the other girls about how to do it. My DS came very early, so I was only getting into learning about being an active participant in the birthing process as opposed to just giving up and freaking out, but if it makes you feel any better I only read part of one book and somehow between my body's natural instincts and flashes of the pictures I remembered I was able to use that info quite effectively.

I know a lot of the girls recommend some sort hypnotherapy I think and they seem to love it but I never made it that far in my pregnancy to explore it any further.

Anyway, I apologise this sounds so flighty and not very helpful but my point is that there IS a lot of help here and while it's more than ok to be scared, especially considering the potential of complications due to your anemia, there are so many tools available to help you through it.

S xo