"I'll never ever..."

I read an article in an issue of Essence recently and it got me thinking about how it applied to me...

The article was about how readers' attitudes to parenting had changed since having kids. Was there something they had said they would never do, only to eat their words once baby was born? (Course they said it much more eloquently than that... :lol: )

Got me thinking about how my own attitudes to parenting had changed... and how have yours?

For me it would be:
- I used to look down my nose at parents who put those backpack and leash combos on their children... "Can't you control your own child? How horrid that you have to use a leash..." And now, my monkey backpack and leash gets a run almost every time we go to the shops... it is the only way I can be sure my DD will stay within arm's reach! Otherwise she'd just run away - she's fearless!

- I said I'd never co-sleep, for a variety of reasons... and now, with a winter baby as well as a toddler to deal with, I find it so much easier/warmer/more relaxing to feed him in bed and doze back off to sleep, before I know it he's been there almost all night! :redface:

So what have you had to adjust? Rethink?

Ha, so many things! Discipline: First I thought I'd smack, rather than use time-outs (how pointless are time outs? How can they possibly work? That kind of thing). Then once S was born I realised I couldn't smack him, and then thought I'd never smack him (and I have, twice - both times when he bit me and I slapped him without thinking.... and felt AWFUL afterwards). And I we use time-outs a lot and they are very effective!

I was happy about the idea of them sleeping in bed with us if they were scared or feeling unwell, turns out neither of them likes it and would prefer to sleep on the couch!

I thought I would use sign with them and then found I just couldn't be bothered :D and we did fine.

I thought I'd NEVER EVER leave my children in the car unattended, EVER, and I have, when I've had to fill up with fuel and I know that getting them out and taking them in is just going to be so, so hard, that I just lock them in and go and pay. (Mind you, I'm constantly checking out the window to see that the car is still there and I'm terrified something will happen, so I'm not sure if the stress of having them with me is more or less than worrying about them in the car on their own!!)

There are so many other things, but S is going to bed and we're trying to get him to sleep in his bed rather than on the loungeroom floor... something else I never thought would happen!

Oh goodness, there are so many things!

First one that comes to mind was that I thought I wouldn't let my child watch TV till they were two... That went out the window a few months ago, and I'm almost ashamed to say that sometimes I let him eat dinner with it on:redface:

I'm sure there are many, many more... When I think of them I'll pop back...

Co-sleeping was it for me. I swore I would never ever do it. DD got to 7 months old before it happened. We went away with family and she freaked being in a strange place. I didn't want her to wake up her 18mo cousin, so I pulled her into bed with me to settle her. She's almost 17 months old now and still ending up in my bed :doh:

But it is nice though!

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I read an article in an issue of Essence recently and it got me thinking about how it applied to me...

The article was about how readers' attitudes to parenting had changed since having kids. Was there something they had said they would never do, only to eat their words once baby was born? (Course they said it much more eloquently than that... :lol: )

Got me thinking about how my own attitudes to parenting had changed... and how have yours?

For me it would be:
- I used to look down my nose at parents who put those backpack and leash combos on their children... "Can't you control your own child? How horrid that you have to use a leash..." And now, my monkey backpack and leash gets a run almost every time we go to the shops... it is the only way I can be sure my DD will stay within arm's reach! Otherwise she'd just run away - she's fearless!

- I said I'd never co-sleep, for a variety of reasons... and now, with a winter baby as well as a toddler to deal with, I find it so much easier/warmer/more relaxing to feed him in bed and doze back off to sleep, before I know it he's been there almost all night! :redface:

So what have you had to adjust? Rethink?

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I still HATE those leash's sorry :redface:

Im just amazed how little I knew about anything eg: breast feeding! Also I thought EVERY birth would end in being 'cut', :rolleyes: thanks to all those morons that passed on their own bs opinions onto me, which then molded my tiny, young brain :rolleyes: hahaha

I crack up when I hear my sister with somethings. "Why do people stress about there babies breathing etc, its no different to having your partner go to sleep" :confused:

I used to roll my eyes (secretly) at parents with tantruming kids at the shops...now I really do feel for them (although not the ones swearing and saying awful things to their kids!) since DD chucked a major tantrum at Officeworks the other day and I raced out of there as fast as I could :redface:

I wasn't going to let my child watch TV before 1 and very little, if any, before 2... yeah right.

I thought I would never ever have DH bath the kids, make dinner, do the dishes, clean the house or fold washing after working all day if I was a SAHM. I thought that if I was at home all day that they should be my roles since I wasn't working. How clueless was I about how hard it is to be a SAHM!

I never ever thought I would co-sleep or babywear.

I never ever thought I would love my kids as much as I do or enjoy being a mum this much.

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I never ever thought I would love my kids as much as I do or enjoy being a mum this much.

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Amen to that!

I never thought I'd be a SAHM past initial maternity leave, I always thought I would go back to work full time. Here I am, having been originally due back this week, and very happily at home with my DD.

I never thought I'd be so 'into' gentle parenting. The amount of times when DH and I have disagreed on some parenting thing or another and I've just had to say yep, i've changed my view since having her.

I thought I'd never let my child use dummies. DS started using them at 3 weeks old :)

I was never ever going to give my child a lolly while shopping or open something up before going through the check-out :rofl:

hahaha! I thought I'd never use a dummy too and DS has had one since he was 3 days old :lol:

Agree about thinking I wouldn't use TV. Some days he doesn't watch it but others it's on for half an hour or more.

I used to think there's no way I'd survive without enough sleep. I never had a cut off date in my head but just held a firm belief that I'd really struggle with long term sleep deprivation. Well, it's been nearly 18 months (more if you count the last tri) and I'm still coping (just) and I try really hard not to let it affect my parenting.

I never thought I'd let my child have a soother but at 3 months he was on me constantly and I was ired of being a soother

I never thought I'd let my child watch TV either until much older, but when I need to get stuff done a movie keeps DS from clinging to my legs

I never thought I'd let my kids sleep in my bed but some nights it's just so much easier

I never thought I'd let my child have treats until much older but with toilet training smarties were the answer for us and other small treats keep him behaving when we go out.....then there's the birthday parties and the treats start piling up.

I never thought I'd let my child have undiluted juice until older (too much sugar) but juice boxes are so easy to grab and toss in the diaper bag.

I thought I'd never call the NHS advice line as often as I have done! My opinion was (and is) that kids get ill, it's normal, deal with it. However, I have a child who stops breathing properly when he gets "day off work" ill, which has resulted in a few hospital dashes.

I never thought I'd get so ill that I needed to use the TV as a babysitter for a whole day while DH was at work. I honestly thought either I'd be healthy or PiL would want to do something with DS. I never thought I'd ring nursery asking if they could take DS short-notice tomorrow because I was bed-ridden and no-one else would have him.

I never thought my son would put on make-up, or that I'd not tell him off for it. Not even very dark grey eye-shadow in his ears.

I knew I'd end up doing TV - it happened at 6m, earlier than I'd thought, but not a "never ever" date. I wasn't fussed about co-sleeping either way (still aren't tbh unless one alternative is me not sleeping all night), I don't use food as a treat, DS did start himself on solids earlier than I'd wanted, but not so bad. I suppose I didn't plan for him to be in nappies past the age of 3, but again, always planned for when he was ready. I've also avoided star charts, although do let him have a star badge sometimes.

I suppose I never, ever thought that DS would be an only one. That one still makes me sad.

I will never lie to my children ~ now I tell little white lies on a daily basis

I won't Bf that's gross (ha) or i won't BF past 6 months ~ I BF all 4 all for varying time.. Longest was DS3 and DD 21 months and 21 months and 9 days.

I will keep the kids Vegatarians till well over 1. We kept this up with Ds1, he didn't touch meat till over 13 months lol my other childrena ll had some meat around 9-10 months (in saying that though, DS1 was on formula by 3 months and I felt he didn't need the iron.. Where as my other 3 were all still getting booby juice..

I used to think smacking was a perfectly acceptable way to discipline a child.
Now I know how useless it is - having done it a handful of times (each time I wasn't in control of myself) I know it just plain doesn't work and sends the wrong message to my kid.

I thought I'd be a patient parent... my impatience astounds me some days.

I always knew I would enjoy my kids. The reality is while I don't enjoy them ALL the time, they do delight me and fill my heart more than I could've imagined.

Fabulous thread!

I used to be so judgemental about people who co-slept with their kids. FOR SHAME!!:redface::redface: I LOVE IT!

I have to also agree with the other ladies, I never thought I'd love my baby so very much. I knew I'd love her obviously, but not so intensely. I would do anything for her.

Sue xx

I thought I would go to uni, get a job, work a decade or so in some nice government research position, get a PhD, get married, have kids.

I ended up a single mum at 25, went back to work part time, then quit, now a self-employed unmarried (defacto) SAHM in the country.

Never really had much to do with kids but my own are fine, even if DD#1 drives me bonkers at times the whole chain of events triggered by having her (very long story and not pleasant so I won't share) led me to meet my current partner, who I would never have met otherwise. I just missed him at uni - I was teaching there and he started uni the year I finished so I never had him in any of my classes. Would have been a bit weird dating one of my students though ...

Great thread!
I said I would never let my kids eat all over the house....now as long as they eat something I dont mind where they eat it!
I would never be the banshee lady yelling at her kids to come back cause my kids would be well behaved when we went to the shops.....yeah right! Banshee is my middle name!
Defintiely not using TV as a baby sitter....DS1 has dinner in front of the TV cause its the only way he will eat shamefull I know!
Would never ever let the kids have junk food...DS1 is a chocaholic :doh:

I didn't think I would co-sleep until I read about the benefits for DS. He sleeps in his bassinet in our room but at 14 weeks is getting too big for the bassinet so will soon be moving into his cot in his own room (I don't sleep when his is in bed with us).

I don't want him to go into his own room but his cot doesn't fit in our room & our bed doesn't fit in his room!

some very funny replies here!!!
I thought I would NEVER let my children eat in the car! Squished sultana's are a plenty in our backseat! YUK, but I still hand them food when we are traveling!

I would never put my children in childcare. DS starts Friday.

I would never put them on formula. DD was on it from 7 months.

I would never yell at my children. Yeah that worked NOT.

The only one we ever really had was no babies in bed with us, which worked fine for the first three because there was no need to have them in bed with us, but then we had a baby with reflux that didn't sleep from 4 to 10 months old so it became vital that he slept in bed with us so we could get some half decent sleep. SIL is a good one for saying "My kids wont do..." and she is adamant that her kids will do as they are told, all the time and not do the things she doesn't like. she is due in 3 weeks and she is about to find out the hard way that kids aren't very good at listening ;)

Oh my! This thread is so comforting to read! Basically EVERYTHING I was adamant about before having my children i have done back-flips on. And maybe not with my first two chidren but at least by the time I had my third i had had to re-think my stance.

Now I am very slow to make a hard-and-fast rule about anything. And i don't judge another parent lest I am then forced into walking their shoes. These days i am particularly slow to judge parents of teenagers. I was one to say "how can parents of teens simply allow them to wander the streets????" Um, probably because the parents believe their teens are somewhere safe.... maybe even they have been assured (misled) by another parent that their child will be fully supervised at their house. This has happened to me. 15yo DD was invited over to another friend's house. I spoke to the parents and made sure that this arrangement was known to them and expressed a preference that DD stayed under their supervision. That was all and good until the parent decided to go out afterall :wall: leaving my DD and friends free to roam the bloody streets! :angry: Oh but if my DD was seen in public being a nuisance or loitering at the train station etc i am apparently the worst parent in the world! Yes some parents don't even try to keep their teens safe... but you just don't know. ETA: oh and my DD had the consequence of not being allowed to go around to that friend's house anymore... and she now has to call in every hour to confirm where she is. ie I have tightened up even more... because yes, she should have known.

I would not let them eat junk food until they were older, and then only occaisionally. I was pretty good with DD. Not so good with DS1, he started eating junk food much too regularly at about 1yr. And Sadly, DS2's first food was a milky way - fed to him at the ripe old age of 4??mths by his wonderful sharing big brother. I don't think I ever had a chance with that one. :lol:

I never liked the leashed too much, but with DS1 and now DS2 - Absolute godsend!!! especially when trying to chase three kids in three different directions and not loose the pram and your purse at the same time (and they are good for strapping the kid to the chair at the food court so they wouldn't run away.

Those are probably the only two things I said I wouldn't do. BUT there are alot of things I said I would do that I haven't followed through with.
Said I would do baking and cooking with my kids - much too messy and time consuming, not to mention bad for my waistline.
I would do arts and crafts - ditto to the above (although, minus the waistline problem).
I would take them for walks to the park and get out side and play with them - usually much too cold or inconvient.
I would read to them everynight - doesn't work out that way EVER, so we just read when we get the urge during the day.
I would ensure they had a good stable religious education - somehow fallen by the wayside, we rarely even attend church anymore only for special occaisons (lets hope this one gets fixed when they are at school).

I know my DH always used to go on about how his kids would never have runny noses, go downtown half naked or without shoes, that they wouldn't throw tantrums or write on walls, that they would behave in restraunts. :lol: I always used to laugh at him, and now he knows why.

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especially when trying to chase three kids in three different directions and not loose the pram and your purse at the same time (and they are good for strapping the kid to the chair at the food court so they wouldn't run away.

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This is the biggest advantage of having kids with a big age gap - the biggest one becomes an extra pair of hands to keep an eye on the smaller ones, and the little one is likely to want to chase the big one around so you sort of know where they are in a department store.

Having such a big age gap was also something I'd never considered :)

That's so true about the benefits of a big age gap. One of the things that I was right about was that smaller gaps are harder work... First I had a big gap, then a small one... And sure enough the smaller one is harder! Mainly due to the sibling rivalry. But I never had any set ideas other than that about age gaps... Just had kids when the time was right.