To tell or not to tell??? :( eeekk what do I do??

Ok I'm torn at the moment whether to tell my mum that I'm pregnant. We had decided that we wouldn't tell people untill I was around 16 weeks PG this time round as we had just started to tell family and friends last time when I mc'd our first baby in Jan this year at almost 13 weeks.

I'm now approx. 6 weeks?? not sure as haven't had dating scan yet. My mum and dad have joined the 'grey nomads' and travel around australia most of the time. My mum text me today wanting to know if we would need them to be around in Winter next year.....I will be due in June......so I said yes possibly for a little bit in June. Well didn't that put my foot in it!! Mum wants to know whats happening in June... I don't really want to lie but at the same time really don't want to make 'THAT' phone call again if things don't turn out this time. What do you think I should do????

I should also mention that DF is pretty much against us telling anyone untill 16 weeks still and would rather I lie about it :(

I guess it depends on your relationship hun, I would be telling my mum (and did as soon as I knew each time ) because even if I mc'd I would be telling mum about it regardless. If I had mc'd and they didn't know I was pg they would hear about it anyway iykwim. If you think that you wouldn't tell the about another mc then it might be different I guess, so you might be able to say you are planning on having a holiday or something I guess?

Maybe you can just tell her quietly and ask her not to mention to absoloutly anyone, you dont want her making plans for winter & not being able to be around
xx

I can only speak for what DF and I did personally, so it doesn't apply to everyone and is certainly not adivce.

We told everyone, I think it was at about 4 weeks? Pretty much straight away. We did this because this is our 5th pregnancy in 20 months, and with the other 4, we didn't tell anyone, except the first, we told my mum. Family and friends are very importnant to DF and I, and going through 4 miscarriages alone was just hell. That, and our babies lives never got celebrated, or even acknowledged :( This time, we have support and love around us, no matter what happens, and I like it much better this way! We lost our bubbas at 8 weeks, 4 weeks, 5 weeks and 5 weeks, and I'm now a day shy of 7 weeks, so already things are looking really good for us! We feel so positive this pregnancy and I think a lot of that has to do with people knowing and being there for us. Not everyone's choice, in fact our choice goes against the grain a lot, but it works for us.

I would be inclined to tell your mum, especially if you have a good relationship with her. That way you have her support, and someone irl to share everything with :hug:

I would tell parents only its nice to have that extra support we didn't tell brothers sisters or friends till after our 12 week scan!

We always told our parents from the week that we found out with both our successfull pgs and our MC's. I guess I always have my mums support not matter what anyway and I need that in good and bad times.

Up to you though - I would tell her and specify that she is to tell no one else.

Good luck!

I think it depends on your relationship with your parents, if your close to them and you know they wont blab then I would tell them.

But if we're lucky enough to get another BFP one day I don't think I'll be telling my mum, she can't keep her mouth shut! lol

We waited until 12/13 weeks.

I think you should tell her :) you'll need her support if it goes te other way :hug:

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I think you should tell her :) you'll need her support if it goes te other way :hug:

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:yeahthat:

I told more people the second time round than the first. I found that the support was really important to me, and I had a fairly good idea of which friends would be wonderful, and which ones might be toxic.

I told my mum on her birthday, it was the same day as our dating scan. We told DH's mum at about 8 weeks.

im with the others.. i think you should tell her.. as heart breaking as making that call is, i think it would be harder without the support.. and fingers crossed it wont come to that!!

Just to further drive the point home, I agree with everyone else about telling them now. The fact that you're asking the question shows that you WANT to tell them, and I completely understand the fear of having to make 'that' announcement - I've done it 3 times now. I still tell everyone, coz then they understand why I hibernate until a certain gestation, and the support has been overwhelming. The first time round I had to tell my mum about the pregnancy and the miscarriage in the same phone call, which for me, sucked harder than just telling her about the miscarriage.

:hug: Scary times hun, sending lots of sticky vibes :comfort:

I think i wld tell too... we were really adamant not to tell family or friends until the 12 week mark because we told them all at 6 weeks pg last time and my family were so excited they told EVERYONE!! I had the local butcher asking me months later why my tummy wasnt huge yet.. it was really hard explaining it to a random :( We only wanted to wait this time because i didnt want to wreck the excitement for my family.. its the first grandchild and i wanted my parents and sisters to be super excited and not worried for us!
It backfired tho.. at 10.5 weeks my mum busted out with 'I have booked a cruise for next april!' Oh my god i nearly died when i found out she was going to be gone right on my due date. She has been trying to organise this cruise with my auntie and uncle for months and months. We decided we had to tell then so she had enough time to cancel and change dates.
She is still trying to work out a new date now.. and sadly her and her partner will have to go on their own because all the others have to go on that date in april.
I feel really bad (my mum is fine about it tho.. definitely no guilt trip) because if we had told them even just a week earlier she wldnt have wasted a few thousand dollars on the cruise.
Like the others have said.. if u can trust ur mum not to tell (a few stern words will probably need to be used!) i wld definitely be telling them. I hope u can convince ur dh that its the right and best thing to do :)
Good luck!
xx

I feel like the odd one out, LOL. I wouldn't tell, at least not until I was on the same page as DP (and got there without twisting his arm). DP is the most important person to have alongside you on this journey.

Hopefully your mother and MIL will understand.

:hug:

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Maybe you can just tell her quietly and ask her not to mention to absoloutly anyone, you dont want her making plans for winter & not being able to be around
xx

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:yeahthat:

Yeah I'd tell her too, my mum and I have a great relationship. We wern't going to tell anyone until we were 12 weeks but I couldn't contain myself and told my parents at 8 weeks, and am so glad we did! It's great to have that little bit of extra support :)

I agree with PrincessXanthe. You need to respect your DP wishes. Ask if he wouldn't mind you telling you mum and dad if they promise to keep quiet to the rest of the family.

Otherwise just tell your parents that June is a long time away and your concentrating on organising something for Christmas at present. You can organise something for June once December is finished.

Well thanks for all the replies guys but it was a bit of a moot point. I decided to tell her and I may as well have not bothered. I got a txt along the lines of 'Congrats, good luck & look after yourself, Dad and I will be in SA house sitting at that time next year'. :crying:
So came home, sat on the couch and ate a packet of tomato chips and bawled my eyes out. DF got home and I told him I'd had a sneezing fit & he told me that was crap. So when I told him he says he's really not surprised that she did that and it doesn't matter what she says or thinks only what we do.

In a way he's right but she's still my mum so it's really dissapointing when she does things like this. And it's crappy when he basically says 'I told you so'. See she can be like this, when we told her we were planning our wedding she said she was happy than avoided it like the plague and never asked how things were going at all.

I mean why bother asking me if I needed her to be around in June, when I say that I do, she's making other plans anyway???:wall::wall: Gee it's their first grandchild and they can't be bothered????? Feeling slightly better after getting that off my chest, sorry guys probably mainly hormones anyway :shakehead:

lissy :hug: that's terrible of your mum. She really should be super excited and over the moon, chomping at the bit to be there! I hope she catches the baby bug and flies to visit you when your first child arrives. :hug: again.

Ouch !

I feel for you ... we got a similar response when we announced our engagement ... and later when announcing our pg to the inlaws ... "that's nice ... more coffee?"

And brother in law and wife have met DS once. yes, once. when we happened to be at MIL's place, and they dropped around there ... and through the entirity of the pregnancy, I received one text from MIL, one visit from FIL and nothing whatsoever from BIL or his wife ... and when DH told his brother the baby was borth, we got a text back! Then the accidental meeting was about 8 weeks later.

this is the only grandchild, nephew, niece, etc on that side of the family for the past 24 years - this isn't old hat, it's just complete disinterest from that side of the family (though the parents in law have probably visited 5 times or so since the birth).

Fun!

But the "I told you so," response must have ouched too ... so sorry to hear! :hug:

Hope she comes around, and gets excited for and with you pronto :D

Awwww :( i hope its ur mums hormones that are a bit crazy right now and she does eventually realise that this is a huge thing! If nothing changes tho, ur dh is right.. its you 2 in this journey.. love every moment of it.. dont let anyone else ruin it for u. xx

it sucks Mums have a way of being such downers to important news....:hug:

As long as you and your partner are super excited stuff everyone else!!!!

Well said M2R, I couldn't have said it better myself!

Lissy, I'm sorry your mum is being a pain in the you know what, mine can be like that too. Gotta love them.

Congrats on your pg hun, wishing you and your hubby all the very best!!

Beata x