SO sick of the comments 'time for another one' and other token comments

Am sure I am not the only one but lately I am so sick of hearing the same comments over and over again about trying for another baby:-
'so are you and your dh ttc another baby'
'time for another one'
'don't you want to give ds a brother or sister'
'you betta get on the "job" soon to make another baby
'don't you want another baby'

OMG it drives me nuts it took over 3.5 year of TTC and 4 cycles of AC to FINALLY make this little man.
Not like DH and I decided one night to 'try' and make a baby and presto 9 months latter we had one.
Most of the people who make these comments know that we did IVF and yet they still don't think before they speak.

It just hits home about how DS may be an only child which I don't think is the worst thing I am one and I think I turned out ok :)
Breaks my heart but I now we are also able to provide really well for one child as I am still lucky enough to be a SAHM for our little guy and DH is working his butt off for us.
During the week I went to SIL house who's 5 year old DS stuck up for his 3 year old sister when my little man took a toy from her. My DS does not now any different and was just playing....it was more of that action between a brother and sister which he may miss out on :(

If it were up to me I would try IVF in a heartbeat, but with the currents costs and me being a SAHM it's not really the place to put our money.
I guess you just never know things may happen one day the old fashion way...lol

Anyway this is a rant and just needed to post where I am sure so many women would understand :hug:

:wall: if only people would think before they opened their mouth with such 'wonderful' words of advice :wall:

No matter what you have to, or decide to do, your DS will grow up to be a beautiful and wonderful person because he has great parents who will always love and look after him - irrispective of being an only child or one of five!

I wish that I could offer advice as to what to say to those people who make such mindless comments, but I cant because I have not yet found the solution, but I know how much it can hurt esp when people know of what you have been through!

:hug:
FG

Thanks FG I knew you would understand :hug:
What I get upset about most is the way I brush it off by saying "Oh no one is enough" When in my hearts of heats I would love to give DS a sibling.
Almost feels like when we were TTC and people would ask when are we going to have a baby and I would always say 'one day' or 'were ok for now'.....

here here!!!!! Its soo freaking annoying esp when we are having so many probs trying. I always have to lie and say "ill wait until dd is a little older ... when she goes to school" because its hard for me to say ive been trying for 12mths+

FUDGE!

Dust these hollow comments away (although i must eat my own words, coz I cant either!)

MTOSB I think we get very use to protecting our self's from hard truths and it is easier just to lie :(
But it feels good to know we are not alone :hug:

:hug: enjoy your bubba =) When we see them smile all these comments melt away dont they =)

Every day I am thankful for this little miracle we have been given....and yes when they smile nothing else matters :)
You enjoy your precious little lady too
xx

maybe i'm mean - i have decided not to be ashamed or hide that DD is an AC bubba, so when someone asks, even someone i don't really know, i ask them when they are going to pay for our treatment! yes, it sounds silly to say it to someone you don't really know BUT, i figure if they're rude enough to be asking something like that, they deserve it between the eyes!

it's a ridiculous and pointless question - they don't know anything about you, so why not go on the defensive a bit? they are essentially asking about your SEX LIFE ffs!

or maybe i'm just so used to being on the defensive about it all that i HAVE to be like that so i don't get hurt any more kwim?

First of all I'm sending you a :hug: Its tough gig this TTC business for some of us..
We don't all just become pregnant at the drop of a hat unfortunately.
I also find it VERY rude and get a bit upset by the comments at times too..For instance my own Step Father made the biggest mistake of his life by telling me I was cruel for not giving my DS a sibling..The look on my face must have been enough without me responding verbally and he did have the balls to call me up a couple of hours later to appolagise but still that hurt me in a really big way..He knows about my 6 precious little angels and he just didn't think and TBH I think that is what happens to most of those who do ask these type of questions.

Not mean at all BG.
In the past people have made comments on one of one of the above and i just turned around and said it took too long to make DS so we are enjoying every second with him and not worring about other babies in the future...of which they generally have no reply :P
I am proud of the fact we did IVF and will tell DS when he is older if he asks why he hasn't got a brother or sister if that is the case.
Really we have amazing kids and we are lucky to have them in our lives but with all the bs comments maybe the best way is to get on the defensive?

:hug: back at you Mako
OMG your step fathers comment my blood would have boiled over!!
Glad he called back to appolagise...but wow what a comment
xx

in all honesty, i tried "nice" before DD arrived, and it didn't work. People in general just don't THINK before they speak. oh, you're married, you must want to have a child. Oh, you have one, you must be ready for another one (before baby number one is even clean from being born!) - i know in some cases it's just thoughtless chatter, but in cases like Mako's, it can be downright cruel, even if not intended that way

if defensive/abrupt/rude gets people to actually think before saying something stupid even once, maybe it's worked...

mega hugs, nicole ... and :pray: that people will be a little more considerate in the future ...

I just read this and wanted to just give you a hug :hug: it must be hard hearing those kind of questions all the time. I'm not a LTTTCer but I agree with BG, maybe it's a good idea to be honest to those who pry too much :hug:

Keep enjoying your little guy!

This is why the women on BB rock, you can feel down and blue and come in here post how you are feeling and some really wonderful women can pick up back up :hug:
Thank you ladies for the support it really means so much to me :hug:

Cheez, I don't think you need to be a LTTTCer to understand these comments I think in general anyone sticking their head in someone else's personal business should stick their neck back out
BG, love how you 'tried nice' before DD was born...did it work...lol
peanutter, here's hoping ...thanks hun

I also catch up with our birthing class buddies (we made our own little mother’s group) every fortnight and are all talking about TTC #2 there are 6 of us and one has already just given birth to her second.
They just talk so Easley about making a baby and this is something I really can’t join in and laugh about?

:

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BG, love how you 'tried nice' before DD was born...did it work...lol

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not so much!
i gave up when it was the same people all the time - so i got nasty - much more successful

not that i'm really nasty, just blunt
i get a questoin like that my usual answer is
"well, it took 4 years and more rounds of IVF than i care to remember to get this miracle girl, i'm not taking time and money away from her on a maybe, but if you want to be a generous benefactor and pay for unlimited ivf attempts, i'll think about it"

If you find one of 'those' generous benefactors send them my way hun :)

:

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not so much!
i gave up when it was the same people all the time - so i got nasty - much more successful

not that i'm really nasty, just blunt
i get a questoin like that my usual answer is
"well, it took 4 years and more rounds of IVF than i care to remember to get this miracle girl, i'm not taking time and money away from her on a maybe, but if you want to be a generous benefactor and pay for unlimited ivf attempts, i'll think about it"

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Hmm, yes I think I should try this path, although we are on IUI (round 3 atm), not IVF.....

It's really plain rude to ask & none of their business. I have tried nice too & people just don't let up!

:

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Hmm, yes I think I should try this path, although we are on IUI (round 3 atm), not IVF.....

It's really plain rude to ask & none of their business. I have tried nice too & people just don't let up!

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the average jo doesnt know the difference so i just say IVF -0 otherwise you have to explain IUI...

Hey Nic, replied to this on your blog, but just wanted to say that I understand how frustrating, and insensitive those comments can be! Same as when you don't have a child yet, and people think they have a right to tell you to 'hurry up' etc.
And having an only child is ok...i am an only too ;-) It's just something to get your head around (and a situation we may face).... in the meantime, hopefully a BFP awaits you soon

Oh, good point BG. I am going to take a deep breath & try it next time I am asked!

:hug: Nic.
I think we were very lucky in that the only people who have really commented on our TTC were our siblings, and we are close enough to them to not be bothered by it. We were warned by friends who already had kids that the moment your baby pops out someone will ask you when you are going to have another.

This issue is just starting to come up for me. DS is nearly two. People are starting to make comments, ask when the next one is coming. I was even asked the other day, straight out, if I was pg!!

Before DP got sick, I just used to say "when this one sleeps through" or "when we are ready" and change the subject. It didn't bother me that much. They were nosy. I am private. I win, y'know cause they don't get a straight answer (that's what I told myself anyway). We didn't have trouble/need AC for DS but now that DP has had chemo and was too sick to bank sperm we have no idea whether we can have more children and we're still a few months away from trying to even find out.

To be fair, people don't think and most if not all of the people making comments to me have no idea about DP being sick. They are not trying to upset me, but I totally agree with BG's blunt honesty approach and I think if it helps them stop and think for the next woman that's a bonus. Lately I've been so tempted to ask people how they think we're supposed to have another baby if DP has been made sterile........

Thanks again ladies, today marked the day of another 'new' comment........
So do you have a time frame for TTC #2...wtf???

Kaz, I too was asked if I was pg a few months ago to me that is just plain rude!!
I wish you and your DH lots of luck in TTC #2

Amy, reminds me when we first got married only a few weeks latter you get asked so when are you going to have a baby...likes it anyone elses business.

Possums, being an only child too I think we both turned out alright....with the LTTTC journey we have had I think we are just lucky to have the little ones we are blessed with.

xx

yeah nicole, I'm totally with BG - I just (used to) look them right in the eye and give them a very blunt answer "it cost us $17,000 (i didn't mention medicare rebate lol) and 3 years to get DS, popping one out on a whim doesn't come easy to us.'' And then i just stare at them and make em squirm... they usually apologise, leave, change the subject or seem genuinely interested and ask questions - to which i'm more than happy to provide a little education.

i know that's probably pretty rude as most people don't ask to be mean, just nosy, but i figure - like BG again - it might make them think twice before asking again.

I can excuse friends or acquantances who don't know our history (not that we keep it a secret) but for those who should have a clue about the struggles you went through, that really gets me mad!

LOL i also warn all my friends on their wedding day - "now you're married, all you'll be asked about is when are the kids coming. Be prepared!".

Oh Nic - I feel your pain and I totally understand babe, big hugs to you :hug:

The flippant comments people make are just stupid!

As you know we are hoping for Miracle #2 as well and failing a miracle we hope to go down the IVF path again later this year so our baby making days are reliant on my workplace doing well so we get a nice bonus again this year - how ridiculous that our child planning relies on the financial performance of one of Australia's biggest telco's!! (and thats assuming we have success with IVF again)

DOH - Big hugs! It makes me mad for you that some of the people that have asked you this KNOW that Little A is an IVF miracle - I would say that are those same stupid people out there that think one successful IVF cycle 'corrects' the infertility issue so you then go on to have loads of easily conceived babies - Grrr!!!

Love ya
Nay
xxx

I got this all the time. I still get asked if I am going to have anymore, except its now oh you are not going to have anymore are you.

between Dd and DS1 there is 4 yrs 11 months and between the two boys there is 4 yrs 9 months.
This is just how long it took. My eldest is 12 and the youngest is 2. So now I get oh why did you plan such a big age gap, or oh you planned it well. I reply we didnt plan it that way at all, it just took that long to happen. Some people have to wait longer and try harder... I normally get a oh , yeah my so and so has had to have ivf etc..

Big hugs hun , you're not alone and people will always ask you something .

Thanks Grub, and congrats on #2 very exciting!!

Mumma Nay I hope we both get a Miracle #2, if not will be following you all the way on your next IVF cycle
BRING on a nice FAT bonus!!

Thanks Tan for making me feel not alone, I guess people just assume if there is a big age gap you choose it ...I think the lesson there is not to assume anything

:hug:
xx

Nicole if it is any conserlation we have number 2 who just turned 1 and we get asked all the time when are we going to have another. As my pelvis is shot from having 2 boofy boys I just tell them I cant have anymore as they wont be able to put me back together again.

Wishing you all the best for your miracle number 2.

Oh hunny :hug: I am soooo with you on this one.

We made it pretty much public knowledge that DS was an IVF bub and yet the buffoons still forget to put brain in gear before opening mouth. :wall: Sis in law even started while I was still in a drug-induced haze after my GA caesar.

I hate it I hate it I hate it! And I hate how it's always done in public and in front of a group of people!

I tend to "gently remind" people that it's not so easy to fall pregnant and it's not a matter of saying "ok let's have a baby now" and viola...

:

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maybe i'm mean - i have decided not to be ashamed or hide that DD is an AC bubba, so when someone asks, even someone i don't really know, i ask them when they are going to pay for our treatment!

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Yeah I have pulled this one a few times too.

:

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"well, it took 4 years and more rounds of IVF than i care to remember to get this miracle girl, i'm not taking time and money away from her on a maybe, but if you want to be a generous benefactor and pay for unlimited ivf attempts, i'll think about it"

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:clap: LOVE IT!!! I think this will be my new mantra!

I too hate the "well you know most people who have IVF end up falling naturally the second time right?" type comments. Ummm... isn't it around only 2%?

I'm on the verge of just answering with "none of your bl**dy business!"

I was thinking for some AC you could ask if they'd like to donate their eggs or sperm lmao sorry if that is unfunny. But it might shut them up.

LOL BOC another comment that makes me go nuts as well!!

:

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I too hate the "well you know most people who have IVF end up falling naturally the second time right?" type comments. Ummm... isn't it around only 2%?

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Cant even count how many times I have been told that!!

I see that you too are praying for a second Miracle, fingers crossed it happens for both of us :hug:

Awww thanks hun :hug: it would be lovely wouldn't it!

Here's hoping the people around us learn to back off too! :lol:

nic it never stops. lol
we had only 21 months between first and second and people still aked us .
we actually had 3 under four and got 2 responses "don't you guys have a tv "or are you guys rabbits. yeah cause sex 3 times in 4 years is a lot ?!!!!
lol
but the same pople then said "don't you want 4""
or don't you want a girl
so it was a bit annoying

and look at us now about to do ivf cycle for the 2nd time, who would have ever thought it ?1

we had the fall preg easi;ly now the ivf/ icsi and i think i have a better understanding of what ivf women go thru and thus never ask these horrible questions.

yeah shut them up with your smart remarks is the answer. it's your life and no one elses.

i forgot to say i love BG's answers for people asking maybe try that. LOL. great job BG. x

good luck to you. x o

*evil glint*

next time, I dare you to look at them, wide eyed, then ask, "what, now? um, ok ..." and pretend to start undressing.

ninja out.

:ninja:

LOL peanutter...that should keep their mouth shut ;)

or wide open!! :p

i am overly honest when they comment i get in to way too much information then they can never claim ignorance again.
other wise i just politely tell them that perhaps they should think about the impact what they say has on me their"friend" when they make stupid comments

Hehehhe couldn't help myself...

Was told the other day (by someone who knows our IVF story nonetheless!) that I should "hurry up and have #2 before DS gets too old" (WTF? He's 13mths!) and not only this but she did it in front of other people!

Without batting an eye I replied "no problems! Make the cheque out to HIVF. $12,000 should get us through one cycle, thank you so much for your generosity!" and she stormed off *evil grin*

:rofl: LOVE IT BOC!!
Would have loved to have seen that reaction ;)