Just a lil vent...

People have NO IDEA about the impact of prematurity! A friend put a FB status up "My cousin's wife is about to have her baby at 28wks"

Someone commented "Woo, hope all goes well"

Umm, there is nothing "Woo" about a premmie baby.. Unless they meant "Whoa"??

Then my friend updated and said the bub had been born weighing 750gms but Mum and bub doing well and someone commented "Glad bubs is well, tiny bubba's are so cute"

There is nothing cute about a 750gm baby! It's scary and traumatising. I know I am probably over reacting, but seriously people have NO CLUE. I remember when I had my boys someone said, wow a short pregnancy, I'm jealous! :rolleyes:

The impact prematurity has on the whole family is, well, traumatising, even if the baby does survive. (which at 28wks there is a good chance of)

Ok vent over.. Sending lots of love to this family xxxx

Very true.

I was a 26 weeker myself and even though I am now 24 years old, the impact STILL shows in my Mum.

Nothing nice, funny, impressive, cute or etc about premmies.

Wow, do you have pics of when you are a bub? How big were you?

Your not over reacting, but fortunately those people havent been in our world. I use to get really angry at those inconsiderate comments, but then without the life experience they have no measure/understanding of just how scary the prem journey is.

I had friends like that when DS was born, how lucky was I that I didnt get a big belly, that I didnt have to wait to meet DS. In your friends family case, I feel sorry that they dont have friends that they can rely on for support, comments like "tiny bubbas are so cute" would have made me less likely to lean on them for support. Is there anyway you can get in contact with them and offer support from someone who has been through that journey?? There is also a few pages on facebook that send prem bubs hospital gowns, you give them the name of hte hospital and they send them directly. A little cherub like that would need hand made clothes for so long :(

I hear you. I was astounded at the comments a dear friend got from so many people when her DS arrived at 25 weeks. Absolutely astounded. Some people just don't get it at all.

I posted a link to a premmie baby forum on my friends status.. My friend is in NSW, they are in Perth apparently

My DS was born in Perth, hope your friends pass on that site, so great of you to let them know about.

I hear you blessed.. My friend had her baby at 26 weeks and beating all the odds his now an adorable 2 yr old but he has alot of disabilities and still has shunts and tubes everywhere..
It was hard for my friend and I don't see how anyone thinks that a mum of a premmie is lucky? There is so much they have to deal with and the worst case is the child losing their fight to survive..
I think sometimes though they aren't sure how to react, but I think also some just don't think and realize the effect their words can have.. :(
Gl to your friend and her new bubba.. I hope they can get through the hard times and enjoy the lovely times even more..


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I don't know what to say.......I actually feel like screaming! Do they have any idea the trauma that goes with spending day in, day out, back and forth to the hospital and on days watching your child possibly fight for their life and most likely on more than one occasion? Not to mention the number of test, not being to hold your child whenever you want and the ongoing medical issues bub could be faced with once they head home. My heart aches for families that have to go though the premmie journey.

I got a lot of comments like that when my two tiny ones where born.
I think the worst comment someone made was how lucky I had to have my baby to cuddle already...:o he was born at 25 weeks I didn't get to hold him for 3 weeks!!
I wish there bub a smooth journey through the NICU...with many more ups than downs.
I hope she finds the site you passed on, it is a huge help to have support from people that have been through it.

Ok. Not to be terrable here (my bub was a 30 week premmie) but little bubs are cute. Naturally all babies are. A friend of ours had a 5.6 kg baby and whilst he was cute to me he wasn't a newborn. Where as little bubs look like babies and are cuter. Regardless of full term or not

Hope bub is well and they have a speedy time in the nicu

I get what you mean being in pre labour now at 32 weeks is scary!! As much as I'd love them out (being 152cm tall and usually less than 50kgs it's taking it's toll!) but I know the sensible thing is to try our hardest to keep them baking longer.
After having a 25 weeker myself and for it to end up not one of the happy survival stories breaks my heart when you read people so early being happy to be in labour etc without think through what's on the other side


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I think people could be happy because they don't know what it means. It's a general feeling when people have a baby. My friends were excited when I had mine but none of us knew what it all meant until it happened. Plus unless you have been there what do you say? I think the comments are fairly normal responses. I received similar comments 'congrats, great news, wow that's little and early' to name a few.

Dont be hard on them. Maybe offer your help. Write something on the fb status saying 'congrats on the baby, hope everything is ok, having had a premmie I know what's in store and the scary ride so if there's anything I can do to help your cousin let me know'.

I agree with olp, they most likely don't understand what it means to have a premmie and the daily battles you have. I don't think a lot of my friends realise the struggles we had with a 34 weeker let alone a 26 weeker. Only my really close friends who came to visit really understand.

DD was born at 34 weeks with IUGR. She measured only 30-31 weeks when born.
She also had all of her small and part of her large intestine out.

I still get comments about how lucky I am that I didn't carry her "for very long". Hello!? I had 2-3 scans a week for AGES. My pregnancy went FOREVER!! I spent more time in hospital then at home, it felt like!

And comments about how tiny she was and and how when explaining how bad her stomach was "oh well. they can do so much for babies these days". That doesn't make the condition any less life threatening!!
Oh so lucky about no sleepless nights cause DD waas in hospital for 6 weeks. I still had to get up to express.

God I hate people sometimes.
The prem journey is NOT FUN!!!
Its so hard and heartbreaking. Its one of the worst things a parent can go through

i don't think you're over-reacting at all, sadly i think people are extremely naive about babies born early. i think because of the advances we've had in technology and knowledge, they must assume that if babies are born, they will survive. but the reality is, premature babies are extremely fragile, and all the technology and knowledge in the world still isn't a guaruntee they will survive :( your poor friend, i really hope her bubba pulls through, she will probably have a long and tough road ahead of her xxx

I was born at 24 weeks and weighed 1lb 9oz and spending a long time fighting to survive is scary for everyone. I hope you're friends Bubba is doing well. Love to all xxx

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Devil's advocate here, but could it be that they don't know just how prem that is? Not everyone knows that the average pregnancy is 40w, so maybe they thought the bub was close to term anyway? Same with the weight, some people might not twig just how tiny that is...

But if they do know, poo to them! I know how much my mum struggled having a 34-weeker, never mind smaller...


Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks ;)

I am glad that you posted some useful information for them - maybe someone will click on it and actually learn something about the severity of having a baby so prem.

Sending love to this family xx

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Devil's advocate here, but could it be that they don't know just how prem that is? Not everyone knows that the average pregnancy is 40w, so maybe they thought the bub was close to term anyway? Same with the weight, some people might not twig just how tiny that is...

But if they do know, poo to them! I know how much my mum struggled having a 34-weeker, never mind smaller...


Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks ;)

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I tend to agree. I sincerely hope that no-one would genuinely pass off such a worrying experience so light heartedly if they actually knew that these circumstances were not in fact good.

Alternatively, other people may not know what to say. They may want to try to recreate as much sincere joy for the parents if the process is going to happen anyway. KWIM?

People often through trying to make others feel better, or trying to take the 'darkness' out of a situation can make the other person feel worse, without that ever being their intention.

I'm sorry my words are probably not 'exactly' what I wanted to say, but my thoughts are with that family and I'm really hoping that it has the best possible outcome.

In my thoughts

I agree that people may not understand the risks of having a prem and all that it involves but for me these comments where made under a photo of my son.
He was tiny with tubes and wires, long lines, umbilical lines and eyes still fused shut with fragile skin...he was beautiful to me but he wasn't 'cute'...he had no fat at all on him and he was skin and bones.
While I appreciated the congratulations I do think some people need to think a little before they post.
There is nothing fun about having your baby at 25 or 28 weeks....it is extremely hard on all those involved.

I agree with both sides here. I think it's still hugely important to acknowledge the birth with a congratulations and be excited. I feel that "woohoo congratulations, hope it all goes well" is far better than saying, "I'm so sorry :( hope bub makes it" but then I was always very positive even when told that DS1 probably wouldn't make it through the night.

Yeah it is a hard journey, but unless they've been in our shoes then they don't understand why would we expect them to?

And don't worry I got a whole lot of nasty comments too, I'm "lucky" I didn't get stretchmarks (really? have you seen my thighs, tummy and boobs?) I'm "lucky" my babies were so small because it was easier to push them out *rolls eyes* and the one that hurts the most... I'm apparently "too lazy" to push out a normal sized baby *groan*.

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And don't worry I got a whole lot of nasty comments too, I'm "lucky" I didn't get stretchmarks (really? have you seen my thighs, tummy and boobs?) I'm "lucky" my babies were so small because it was easier to push them out *rolls eyes* and the one that hurts the most...

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I get this all the time!!!!!! I really really hurts my feelings. My body is one big stretch mark. Boobs, bum, one on my back, belly, thighs, and all the way to my ankles.
And I wanted to push her out.... I had no choice but to have the c/s. People just don't think sometimes.

Thanks for all the replies.. I was good to get views from both sides.. I guess it was just being on the receiving end of comments like that, really upset me because as I said, prematurity is so scary..

I guess a lot of people wouldn't know just how bad it can be (maybe?) and I agree that it is still important to be congratulated on the birth.. I had more sympathy cards than congratulations.. :( I am not sure how they are doing, the friend who put the status up is in a different state to her cousin and his wife, and she is also dealing with her ill dad. :(

ETA: Just stalked FB and there is a pic of bub on there.. She is tiny and on CPAP.

:hug: blessed x The comments do hurt and you have every right to vent them too (I do!) Sounds like bub is doing well to be on CPAP already, fingers crossed bub has a smooth journey.

Most of my friends had no idea what to say. We are the first to have babies that they know. Some haven't even acknowledged his birth. And others were too happy that i balled when they congratulated me. Others kept asking why he wasn't with me when they visited on the rare occasion i was at home. People just don't realize what premi mums and dads go through.

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i don't think you're over-reacting at all, sadly i think people are extremely naive about babies born early. i think because of the advances we've had in technology and knowledge, they must assume that if babies are born, they will survive. but the reality is, premature babies are extremely fragile, and all the technology and knowledge in the world still isn't a guaruntee they will survive :( your poor friend, i really hope her bubba pulls through, she will probably have a long and tough road ahead of her xxx

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Blessed, you're not over reacting hun, coming from a very dark place only you know what that feels like. I totally agree with mummydreamer, lots of people think that once bub is born all will be OK. I don't think there are many people out there saying, well it's 26 weeks, whoa that's touch and go, and hmm, bub was born at 29 weeks so that's much better etc. They have no idea of what is on the other side of having a premmie bub. As you know I had Josh at 21 weeks and I knew he had no chance whatsoever, but then I spoke to the OB and he said had he been born a few weeks later is still wouldn't have guaranteed a good outcome. GL to your friend hun, I hope bub keeps getting stronger and stronger.

Had two comments similar last night when telling friend what i experienced. Nearly yelled at her. How can we be lucky to not cuddle or babys like they do or take them home when we leave. Its not a guarantee that if they survive will be perfectly normal some people just have no idea.