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If you gave someone a gift (rather expensive gift) a year or two ago and you have noticed that the person (close family member in my case) has not used it yet and there is no sign of it, would you ask them about it?
Sorry about my spelling in the title too, that teaches me to re-read everything:redface:
Probably not. Imagine how embarrassed you would both be if they'd passed it on or something... Not saying that's the case, but I'd have to own up to doing so if certain people asked after gifts they bought me!
Depends what it is. I gave a voucher to a close family member for a garden centre as they had said they wanted to do their garden. Spent $250 on it. I asked them nearly 12 months later how it was going because I knew it had a 12 month expiry.
Otherwise, if it was a non-voucher gift, then I'd probably not say anything.
I think the right advice is not to ask.
But I would probably ask in a roundabout way. I would find some way to bring it up "I am thinking of buying a new iron, how's that one i got you - was it as good as it was reputed to be, would you recommend i buy that one for myself?".
Perhaps you need to decided what do you want the outcome to be?
Do you want to guilt them into using it? Or giving it back? Or lying about what they did with it? Or do you genuinely want to know how happy it made them at the time you gave it to them?
It depends what it is?
It is a cutlery set that we gave to MIL. It was something she had mentioned she wanted and the one we got her was expensive. She was so happy when we gave it to her. It just dawned on me that they are still using their old mix and match cutlery.
MIL has no trouble saying if she does not like something and swapping things so if she did not like it then she would have said so. If she has re gifted it I will be very peeved.
Mmm tough one.
I like Pac's thing about vouchers - I spent $100 on my sis last year for birthday for gold class vouchers for her and BIL, which have a 12 mth expiry, and I know she hasn't used them. I will be asking her soon cuz if she doesn't want to go, give them to someone who does!!!!
But, flip side, a friend of mine, for my 30th, said she'd gotten me a voucher for a "pamper day" at a fancy spa, but it hadn't arrived in the mail so she just gave me the brochure and said she'd pass on the voucher when it arrived. Never got it off her. Assumed she had forgotten to actually buy it or something, never said anything.
I'm now 32, said to friend randomly just a week or so ago something about it and she got really upset - they charged her for it but she never received it. Said she was going to follow it up. So I wish I'd said something sooner!
But actual gifts, no. Some of the things we got for our engagement I have regifted or donated to charity auctions as they are just not our taste. Sad but true, sorry.
Aha well this changes things - are you sure she hasn't got it somewhere for "special occasions"?? That's where our good full cutlery set is. We don't use it often.:
Maybe she uses the cutlery for good? I know I have an expensive set that gets pulled out when I have more than 3 people for dinner (or if I'm doing more than 2 courses) as it is a setting for 6.
That was my thought too. My MIL has a special set that she only brings out at christmas.:
I don't think so, they have alot of occasions at their house, MIL 60th, FIL 60th, Christmas, Easter ect and they have not been bought out. It was a $300 set but nothing to fancy, just a really good brand.:
The right thing to do is probably not to mention it.
But I probably would say something like "let's get out the good cutlery for dinner tonight!" and see what happens...
Yeah, I was thinking this too. I don't use our expensive cutlery set often, but it comes out for things like Christmas or special birthdays. I wouldn't naturally go and use it for a family catch-up dinner (wow, that sounds REALLY bad!):
ETA - Sorry, just saw your reply.
Well, that's the same thing really. Both are ways of asking - "oi! What did you do with the cutlery?" I would leave it, totally leave it. It is their choice what they did with the cutlery and how they use it, and I don't believe you need to justify or explain what happens to gifts once they are given to you. That's what a gift is... something totally given to you with no strings or expectations attached :D.:
with cutlery, no, not if I knew they wanted a nice set and I'd given one ...
it might lead into an awkward discussion about whether your visits are important enough to warrant use of the good set ;)
but it would be nice to know that it was getting used!
I wouldnt ask either, but it would bug me wondering to haha.
If she said to you " we gave it away" what would you say to her? would it make you angry? Im not sure if its worth knowing
I will be peeved but more because I know how MIL is with returning presents and how she knows she could have told me she did not want them or wanted a different type, she has done it before with no dramas. In fact I am fully expecting her to want to change the top I picked as her mothers day present and I am fine with that because I would rather her be happy then have something she does not want.:
I am probably going to go against the grain and I will say something. MIL and I have a great relationship and I know this will be something (I know, very minor) that will continue to play on my mind.
Thanks everyone for your opinions though.
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I completely understand this and but for me there are certian people, all close family that I guess I put expectations on, just like they do me. I also know that it is not the value of the gift either that matters but for me this time it does. I would have much rather MIL say to me that she would like to change the present or return it and get something that she would have liked and wanted.
I gave some friends a nice engagement present (I thought it was nice) and guess what, when I got engaged they regifted it back to us, I knew it was the exact present because of the way I had covered the price on the box:):
My mum chased up why we weren't using the cutlery she gave us. I was saving it as good cutlery which meant it never came out! Lol. She assured us it was ok to use as everyday cutlery and would rather it be used.. So we happily have it as everyday now :)
If its purely curiosity then yep I'd ask. Especially if you have a close relationship. I think just be prepared for the answer/reason and don't let it upset you if it isn't what you want to hear.
Did you tell them?:
Iooookopllkd
I would have to ask her or I wouldn't stop thinking about it lol. Although normally I wouldn't ask.
Well thats great you have a good realtionship with her, then I would ask her, maybe she did put it away. So I say go for it bring it up in conversation and see what happens.
That is just so rude. If you're going to regift you at least make sure you don't give it back to the giver! I must admit, I'm not actually a re-gifter myself, even if its something I really don't like. I'll usually keep it in my cupboard for however many years and then give it to the Salvos.:
I would be asking her about the cutlery.
I also agree that it's probably not the best thing to ask, but like you, I probably would.... I'd probably mention something in a casual way like others have suggested ("oooohhhh we would get out the good cutlery tonight") and see what is said. Alternatively, do you know where she might keep it? If so....any chance of taking a look (or getting DH to??). We are generally allowed to 'help ourselves' at DH's parent's house so if we were poking around a bit it wouldn't really be blinked at.....
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I get that, I'm just saying I probably wouldn't do the right thing :p
That is what I do too. I have only ever re gifted one thing, it was something my DH got and we actually told the person that gave it to him because he had already been given something similar and we were thinking of getting the thing for the person we re gifted.:
No, we did not say anything directly although we have had a laugh about re gifting when sitting around having a few drinks. It never clicked for them.:
DH is very at home when at his parents, I am not so much since they moved into this house. They don't have any storage area though so I have no idea where it could be. All there stuff that needs storing is here in our garage and I know it is not there.:
I always help set up when we go there so I will probably just say something like 'Do you ever use the set we got you?' plain and simple.
if they are anything like my parents, they have their cutlery for special occasions but get sooo busy organising the special occasion that they forget to bring out the cutlery