Would you ask about a gift?

[OceanPrincess]

It is a cutlery set that we gave to MIL. It was something she had mentioned she wanted and the one we got her was expensive. She was so happy when we gave it to her. It just dawned on me that they are still using their old mix and match cutlery.
MIL has no trouble saying if she does not like something and swapping things so if she did not like it then she would have said so. If she has re gifted it I will be very peeved.

Aha well this changes things - are you sure she hasn't got it somewhere for "special occasions"?? That's where our good full cutlery set is. We don't use it often.

[Rowellen]

Aha well this changes things - are you sure she hasn't got it somewhere for "special occasions"?? That's where our good full cutlery set is. We don't use it often.

That was my thought too. My MIL has a special set that she only brings out at christmas.

[Kazzo]

Aha well this changes things - are you sure she hasn't got it somewhere for "special occasions"?? That's where our good full cutlery set is. We don't use it often.

I don't think so, they have alot of occasions at their house, MIL 60th, FIL 60th, Christmas, Easter ect and they have not been bought out. It was a $300 set but nothing to fancy, just a really good brand.

[sepata]

The right thing to do is probably not to mention it.

But I probably would say something like "let's get out the good cutlery for dinner tonight!" and see what happens...

[Maruschke]

The right thing to do is probably not to mention it.

But I probably would say something like "let's get out the good cutlery for dinner tonight!" and see what happens...

Well, that's the same thing really. Both are ways of asking - "oi! What did you do with the cutlery?" I would leave it, totally leave it. It is their choice what they did with the cutlery and how they use it, and I don't believe you need to justify or explain what happens to gifts once they are given to you. That's what a gift is... something totally given to you with no strings or expectations attached .

[Kazzo]

Well, that's the same thing really. Both are ways of asking - "oi! What did you do with the cutlery?" I would leave it, totally leave it. It is their choice what they did with the cutlery and how they use it, and I don't believe you need to justify or explain what happens to gifts once they are given to you. That's what a gift is... something totally given to you with no strings or expectations attached .

I completely understand this and but for me there are certian people, all close family that I guess I put expectations on, just like they do me. I also know that it is not the value of the gift either that matters but for me this time it does. I would have much rather MIL say to me that she would like to change the present or return it and get something that she would have liked and wanted.

[chody47]

I also agree that it's probably not the best thing to ask, but like you, I probably would.... I'd probably mention something in a casual way like others have suggested ("oooohhhh we would get out the good cutlery tonight") and see what is said. Alternatively, do you know where she might keep it? If so....any chance of taking a look (or getting DH to??). We are generally allowed to 'help ourselves' at DH's parent's house so if we were poking around a bit it wouldn't really be blinked at.....

[sepata]

Well, that's the same thing really. Both are ways of asking - "oi! What did you do with the cutlery?"

I get that, I'm just saying I probably wouldn't do the right thing

[Kazzo]

That is just so rude. If you're going to regift you at least make sure you don't give it back to the giver! I must admit, I'm not actually a re-gifter myself, even if its something I really don't like. I'll usually keep it in my cupboard for however many years and then give it to the Salvos.

I would be asking her about the cutlery.

That is what I do too. I have only ever re gifted one thing, it was something my DH got and we actually told the person that gave it to him because he had already been given something similar and we were thinking of getting the thing for the person we re gifted.

Did you tell them?Iooookopllkd

No, we did not say anything directly although we have had a laugh about re gifting when sitting around having a few drinks. It never clicked for them.

I also agree that it's probably not the best thing to ask, but like you, I probably would.... I'd probably mention something in a casual way like others have suggested ("oooohhhh we would get out the good cutlery tonight") and see what is said. Alternatively, do you know where she might keep it? If so....any chance of taking a look (or getting DH to??). We are generally allowed to 'help ourselves' at DH's parent's house so if we were poking around a bit it wouldn't really be blinked at.....

DH is very at home when at his parents, I am not so much since they moved into this house. They don't have any storage area though so I have no idea where it could be. All there stuff that needs storing is here in our garage and I know it is not there.

I always help set up when we go there so I will probably just say something like 'Do you ever use the set we got you?' plain and simple.

[zilly]

if they are anything like my parents, they have their cutlery for special occasions but get sooo busy organising the special occasion that they forget to bring out the cutlery

[Miss.September]

Aha well this changes things - are you sure she hasn't got it somewhere for "special occasions"?? That's where our good full cutlery set is. We don't use it often.

Yeah, I was thinking this too. I don't use our expensive cutlery set often, but it comes out for things like Christmas or special birthdays. I wouldn't naturally go and use it for a family catch-up dinner (wow, that sounds REALLY bad!)

ETA - Sorry, just saw your reply.