Pregnant 10wks with twins. Dh want divorce n abortion

I just need someone to talk to about my situation. My DH filing for divorce and since we have a prenup agreement , I will have to move out from the house within 30 days. Pregnant and no money, no place to live , no one to support me.

He wanted me to do the abortion so I don't have to be a single mum with two babies to raise on my own but I can't do it. I must admit I have been thinking about it because I don't know if I'm able to raise twins by myself. No financial support or emotional support from anyone.
My parent who live overseas want me to do abortion also. They think I'm only 25 and have so much future if I won't have these babies.


I quit my job to ttc for a year now. I know centrelink will help me but if it will be enough to cover the rent n foods n all babies stuff. How am I gonna go do grocery shopping by myself with two babies when I have no car? How can i have enough money for two kids to have high education. All these questions keep popping in my head.

Do you think raising two babies by myself will be hard? Will I be able to give them life quality they deserve? Will I bring them into this world n they have to struggle with their life?
Please help me!! I'm so depressed and desperate.

There are other options like adoption you can think about. Maybe some counseling for yourself would be useful too. he will have to pay child support as well.
Sorry you are going through this. But there is support out there you don't have to do this alone whatever decision you choose.

Please consider adoption before you terminate.

And em... is right. He will have to pay child support.

Also just reading previous posts didn't you really want a baby? Did you end up going through IVF? Why TTC knowing that your husband or family wouldn't support you?
Ultimately given how much you wanted it in the first place I wouldn't be having an abortion.

I think some serious counselling is something you should definitely do before considering termination/adoption/keeping the babies. But if YOU think that road will be best after everything, then do what you feel is right for you. Youare ultimately the one who will be dealing with it all.

Get all of the facts about how life will be with yourself and two children first. Find out what you are entitled to from centrelink, housing ect, support off your ex husband and any other sort of support you can get. Could you go and live with/near your family for support again? Would they come to you to help support you, even for a little while? There are lots of options for you.

It will not be easy, any path you take. I'm sorry you have to go through such a difficult thing :hug:

I too suggest seeing centrelink as fast as possible. Once you have information you are in a better place to make up your mind.

Your husband has put you in a horrible situation. Ivf increases the chance of twins etc, its something he should have thought about. :hug:

try to separate yourself from the pressure of what other people think/want and work out what feels right for you. Yes twins are hard work but mothers cope and there is help available.

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Also just reading previous posts didn't you really want a baby? Did you end up going through IVF? Why TTC knowing that your husband or family wouldn't support you?
Ultimately given how much you wanted it in the first place I wouldn't be having an abortion.

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We get pregnant through FET cycle. I only have one egg left to put back in. One is FET and one is natural.
DH was the one who really want baby but he said it hits him when he see the scan at 7 wks that he isn't ready to lose his single life. He didn't want to be waking up n have sleepless night or can't go anyway by himself.
I was devastated. He put me in trapped situation. I know I will have child support from him but will thatbe enough? The thought of raising two babies on my own is scaring me.

Your H wont be able to file for divorce until you have been separated for 12 months.. and since if you decide to go ahead with this pg then you will also need parenting plans in place and child support in place.

Good luck making your decision, its a very hard one

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. My children were IVF and the thought of putting yourself through it and to then be in this situation is heartbreaking.

I fully agree with what the others have said - consider adoption before termination. If you are at all hesitant about termination then I don't think it is an option for you.

Raising kids is hard enough with a loving committed partner, so you are right, it will be very difficult for you on your own. But that is not reason enough to not raise these babies. I'm sure every parent on these boards will tell you that they would never swap their role as parents, no matter how hard they may be.

Your husband sounds like he's just freaked out, which is not unusual. Is there any chance of you getting counselling together so that he can get some help processing things?

I'm really sorry you are in this situation but your husbands reasons for not wanting the babies sound really selfish. Please seek some counselling before making your decision, there are many agencies that can provide support for you, maybe try first with your GP and he can provide some referals for you.

Regards,
Dianne

Mayby you should both go to a councillor if he is just freaked out he should talk to someone instead of just doing a runner

I agree also if your at all hesitant about abortion then it might not be the right choice especially when these bubbas were so wanted , it will be tough but there are plenty of single mothers out there who are doing well and I take my hat off to them and there are heaps of services in place to help financially , but food from food parcel places mayby try breastfeed as much as possible to save money on formula , cheap nappies do just as good job , they can sleep in one cot together for a while, babies don't need alot, make their purées and freeze you save alot of money and its healthier there are heaps of things to make living cheaper and easier join a good supportive mothers group etc..

Been thinking of you :hug:.

Regards,
Dianne

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Been thinking of you :hug:.

Regards,
Dianne

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Thanks hun. I have been crying all day. Ill go see counseling tomorrow :)

Good to hear, hope it helps once you've talked to your counsellor, let us know how you go.

Regards,
Dianne

:( this is just heartbreaking. i'm so sorry you're going through this. sending you much love and hugs xxx

Oh i'm so sorry for the situation he's put you in. It must be pretty scary for you right now.

I know quite a few single mums in the town that I live in and yep, it can be tough doing it on your own and also financially, however, there is lots of support around. Definately talk to Centrelink about your entitlements and you should be able to get a Health Care Card. Things such as child care when they're older (if you're still a single parent) will be subsidised by Govt and things like 3 yr old kinder are covered (well in Vic, anyway) if you're on a health care card. It must be hard to make a decision when those around you are pushing for one thing. Hopefully the counsellor can go through a lot of things with you and help you clarify what YOU really want to do.

If you're worried about 'quality' of life - kids need to feel loved, nurtured and supported. If you can sort out the basics like a roof/rental assistance, money for bills and food (get DH to pay $), then they don't 'need' anything else. Education and health care (as much as we run them down) are pretty good in this country. You can always return to p/t work or study when they're a little older and in child care or school.

You can get groceries delivered to your front door or take the kids with you - supermarkets have baby trolleys (even twin ones) and/or you can pick up a second hand baby carrier and wear one/have one in the trolley while you shop. I take our 3 kids each week (4, 3 and 6 months) and it's a fricking nightmare, but we get through it. Aldi nappies are much cheaper than other brands and I mix them up with cloth nappies to last longer between shops. You can get baby stuff second hand or given to you. There's loads of people who pass their baby gear on and if you put your name on a noticeboard at your local playgroup, I'm sure you'd get given some baby items for free. I guess I'm just trying to give you some ideas of how you could manage on your own with your twins b/c it sounds from your original post that abortion isn't something you're keen on (?)

Every parent struggles when they first become a parent and I'm pretty sure it's doubly hard with twins and lack of support. I'm not sure if there is a local BB Perth group of mums that you can link in with? Also, a new mum's gp (and local twins groups) can be invaluable support when you've just become a parent, who you can see each week/develop a support network and friends who will know your kids and can help with babysitting each other's kids when they're a bit older. My mum's gp was a godsend.
There's lots of support on here too and I'm pretty sure people who have finished their families can also help you out with practical items (myself included).

I'm really sorry that what should have been a joyous and exciting time for you, has turned out to be so incredibly stressful. Sending you lots of love while you sort through what to do next.

Oh i'm so sorry for the situation he's put you in. It must be pretty scary for you right now.

I know quite a few single mums in the town that I live in and yep, it can be tough doing it on your own and also financially, however, there is lots of support around. Definately talk to Centrelink about your entitlements and you should be able to get a Health Care Card. Things such as child care when they're older (if you're still a single parent) will be subsidised by Govt and things like 3 yr old kinder are covered (well in Vic, anyway) if you're on a health care card. It must be hard to make a decision when those around you are pushing for one thing. Hopefully the counsellor can go through a lot of things with you and help you clarify what YOU really want to do.

If you're worried about 'quality' of life - kids need to feel loved, nurtured and supported. If you can sort out the basics like a roof/rental assistance, money for bills and food (get DH to pay $), then they don't 'need' anything else. Education and health care (as much as we run them down) are pretty good in this country. You can always return to p/t work or study when they're a little older and in child care or school.

You can get groceries delivered to your front door or take the kids with you - supermarkets have baby trolleys (even twin ones) and/or you can pick up a second hand baby carrier and wear one/have one in the trolley while you shop. I take our 3 kids each week (4, 3 and 6 months) and it's a fricking nightmare, but we get through it. Aldi nappies are much cheaper than other brands and I mix them up with cloth nappies to last longer between shops. You can get baby stuff second hand or given to you. There's loads of people who pass their baby gear on and if you put your name on a noticeboard at your local playgroup, I'm sure you'd get given some baby items for free. I guess I'm just trying to give you some ideas of how you could manage on your own with your twins b/c it sounds from your original post that abortion isn't something you're keen on (?)

Every parent struggles when they first become a parent and I'm pretty sure it's doubly hard with twins and lack of support. I'm not sure if there is a local BB Perth group of mums that you can link in with? Also, a new mum's gp (and local twins groups) can be invaluable support when you've just become a parent, who you can see each week/develop a support network and friends who will know your kids and can help with babysitting each other's kids when they're a bit older. My mum's gp was a godsend.
There's lots of support on here too and I'm pretty sure people who have finished their families can also help you out with practical items (myself included).

I'm really sorry that what should have been a joyous and exciting time for you, has turned out to be so incredibly stressful. Sending you lots of love while you sort through what to do next.

What a horrible situation for you to be in.

I'm sure you would have done counselling before you started IVF, so maybe your DH has just started to freak out. But if he continues to proceed with divorce then it is his loss, yes having twins is hard work but they are will also provide you with such joy as well.

I would also recommend you make contact with your local Multiple Birth Association in your area, each one offers different services and you might find some extra support. Plus they may also be able to help you with being able to get items for your babies as parents of older twins always have lots of stuff to get rid of. Once your twins are born you may also be able to get support services through your local council to help you get over the initial period of getting them home and into a routine, the support services can offer things like general housework or even respite care to look after the babies so you can get out and do shopping ect.

Also once they arrive if you struggle to breastfeed then one of the formula companies offers a substantial discount on formula as well (almost 50% off) so there are a lot of options available to you.

I hope things start to look more positive for you soon.

I also forgot to mention the baby bonus, which I think you get for each twin (not sure what the govt is doing on this as I think they reduced it a bit for subsequent children?), which could help initially with things like nappies and formula etc.

Will it be hard: I don't doubt somedays will be unbearable, others great, and the rest not so bad
Can you do it: Of course. Positive thinking and proaction can do amaing things.
Do you have to do it: No, WA is prochoice. This is YOUR decision, not choice.

Regarding the pre-nup: Did it mention IVF/Assisited Conception processes? If not, i'd argue that the pre-nup be nul-invoid (please someone correct my spelling ASAP).

All the best & stay positive xx

I'm so sorry to hear you've been out in this position. I think the others have offered some very good advice. If you want these babies then you can do it - I firmly believe that if you want something badly enough then you will cope. I don't doubt it will be hard, but you can do it.

Big hugs. You must be feeling so many emotions right now. Having kids has been the hardest, but absolutely the best thing I have ever done. There is never a 'good time' to have kids - you could always use more money, more stability, more career status. The reality is you just have to bite the bullet and have them, and things will work out.

Please know that there are so many groups and individuals who would be willing to help you. Your local churches (even if you don't go to church), local multiple birth association, and possibly the dandelion support network (it's nsw based but growing all the time) - it exists precisely to support women in your position. You don't have to do this on your own, even if your DH does leave.

And of course, there is always the bb ladies for love, advice and moral support.

How did the counselling go hun?

Regards,
Dianne

Did the pre nup include if children are involved in the situation?
Maybe get some legal advice too? I know there is a prenup but throwing your preganant wife out onto the street while pregant with twins that were obviously tired hard for seeing as you went thru assisted conception, I would look into legal side of all that.
What sort work were you doing? Could you get casual work in the meantime for a few months to try save up some money.
Def talk to centrelink too see what they can discuss with you.
Any friends that could take you in til you're on your feet? I know you said your parenst are overseas but do you have any pther family here?

Good luck, hope the councilling session helped.

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How did the counselling go hun?

Regards,
Dianne

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It was good to have someone I can talk to. I still can't decide whether I should keep or terminate the pregnancy. There is no easy solution. I have no where to go. I don't have much friend here since me n DH always together n never left each other side :/
My best friend have no space left for me to stay since she got two kids and her brother living with her.
Centrelink will put me on newstart allowance which give me around $400ish forthnight but I need to find a job at the same time. My morning sickness is really bad. I have it all day & get worse around 3pm til midnight. I can barely get out of bed these days.
I feel like god is punishing me for some reason. I don't understand why this is happening to me.

My DH is smart man lol he transferring all his assets to his brother name soon & since the babies isn't born yet, I have no right in any of his money or assets.

I want to keep this babies so bad but I'm struggle just to look after myself right now. I don't want to give up on them so easy but it's really really hard.

Look for some legal counselling, Queenluxury. There may be some sort of laws which will help you since you are pregnant now. I'm pretty sure there is free things you can access. It really is terribly selfish of you hubby to be doing this. I am sorry you have to deal with it all.

I feel awful for you having to go through this situation. I don't really have any advice to give except to say you are clearly supported here. I hope your DH grows some guts.

Definitely get some legal advice. Is going home an option? I know your parents would prefer you to terminate the pregnancy, but would they support you should you return? Any siblings or friends at home that might be able to help you?

Sorry you are going through this. I hope the pregnancy sickness passes soon for you, it is horrible to deal with on top of everything else that is going on :hug:

Contact Legal Aid ASAP or get some legal advice. They should be able to do something in relation to your husband transferring assets into someone elses name.

Hun getting on top of this morning sickness will really help your state of mind. Are you trying the blackmores morning sickness formula? Are you taking B vitamins? If you need something stronger you can try a few different things. There is an over the counter sleeping tablet called restavit that really helped me. There are also some prescription meds you can get.

Bear in mind you will get significantly more from centrelink once the babies are born. Please talk to centrelink to see if there are special considerations because of your morning sickness.

If you want to have these babies, there are people around who will help you. And we can help you find those people. You aren't alone, and some how or other things will work out.

Here are some numbers for the women's law centre of western Australia: call 9272 8800 or country free call 1800 625 122.

Hang in there xo

I will be praying for you.

Oh what a horrible situation for you to be in hun. Do you have anyone around, friends?

I am in Perth NOR, if you need someone to talk to you I'd be happy to meet you for a cuppa during the week x

Please seek some legal advice now hun and find out your rights, don't go by what your DH is telling you. Stay strong, come here and talk to us, you will always find support here. Is there something like a Migrant Resource Centre in your town where you can go and meet other people from your same background, they also offer many resources.

Regards,
Dianne

Surely what he has done with his assets is illegal and any judge would see through what he has done there. I'm so upset and angry for you. Huge huge hugs x

Definitely look for some legal advice. Similar to if someone is going to declare themselves bankrupt the courts can look and overturn asset transfers that someone has done to remove realisable assets from their ownership and overturn those tranfers. I would assume the same legal rational would apply in this circumstance. Can you go to legal aid and get legal advice / assitance? they should also be able to advise re the prenup.


Sorry you are having to go through this horrific ordeal.

Xx

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Oh what a horrible situation for you to be in hun. Do you have anyone around, friends?

I am in Perth NOR, if you need someone to talk to you I'd be happy to meet you for a cuppa during the week x

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I do have one best friend here and few other friends but not that close to ask them to help me with place to stay.
My best friend is wealthy and spoil by her parent. She never really look after her kids much when they were baby so she doesn't u understand me. She think its not that hard to raise two babies on my own. She didn't have to work a single day in her life and she still send her kids to day care since they were 18 months because she is too tired to have them 24/7. Now she turn around n say to me that Im so weak why I can't even look after two babies myself.
I didn't not have 4 bedrooms house and 2 cars or 100k in my bank account like she did. I did have a heart that willing to fight and do anything for them but is that enough??
She said she will help me look after my babies and I can go to work. Seriously, im not sure I can depend on her lol as she wouldn't even do that for her own kids. I appreciated the offer but I'm skeptical.

I live around Morley :) it would be nice to meet up with u so u can listen to me vent n cry lol
I will go see doctor tomorrow for a med. hopefully it will help me so I can go out n about do stuff like normal. I have been in bed like this for 3 weeks already.

Prenup is pretty much cover everything. Even the furniture in this house , I shall make a list and he will pick half of it first the the rest is mine. Well , I know what he will pick..... LCD tv , fridge , washing machine n all electric stuff and left me with book cabinet or draws lol
He has the right to take back all the gift he gave to me. Everything we bought with his income will be his. If god forbidden something happen to him , I have no right to claim his money n assets.

Lawyer said I can try and go to court after the baby born but It will be difficult as all his assets still under mortgage. Technically it belong to the Bank.


I'm soooo depressed.

Has your lawyer checked the prenup to ensure that it's legal and binding? It might be worth checking that out.

ETA this article http://m.theaustralian.com.au/busine...-1111113006951
Suggests that a prenup may not be binding if children arrive and they are not mentioned in the prenup. Please please get some legal advice from a lawyer who has not acted for your husband.

This sounds like such a horrible situation. No question raising twins on your own will be really hard but you can do it IF that's what you want. Keep in mind having these babies will mean DH is a part of your life forever. He may have changed his mind about being a parent now but his feelings may change in future. You'll have to find a way to deal with him as the father of your children. As others have said accept all offers of hand-me-down baby gear, buy cheap nappies and breastfeed. Though the financial side of things will be tough it's the practical and emotional support that you'll most need in the early days so definitely see if you can network with some other caring people now. I agree it doesn't sound like your friend really 'gets it' so see if you can find people with more realistic perspectives on things who are willing to help.

I think it would still be a good idea to go to a lawyer to check everything out. And if you do choose to have the babies, I would be going to sort out the legalities of custody ect...as soon as they are born. You don't want you ex deciding once they're born, he now wants to be a father to them, and to take them away, after you have done it all on your own to get them here.

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I do have one best friend here and few other friends but not that close to ask them to help me with place to stay.
My best friend is wealthy and spoil by her parent. She never really look after her kids much when they were baby so she doesn't u understand me. She think its not that hard to raise two babies on my own. She didn't have to work a single day in her life and she still send her kids to day care since they were 18 months because she is too tired to have them 24/7. Now she turn around n say to me that Im so weak why I can't even look after two babies myself.
I didn't not have 4 bedrooms house and 2 cars or 100k in my bank account like she did. I did have a heart that willing to fight and do anything for them but is that enough??
She said she will help me look after my babies and I can go to work. Seriously, im not sure I can depend on her lol as she wouldn't even do that for her own kids. I appreciated the offer but I'm skeptical.

I live around Morley :) it would be nice to meet up with u so u can listen to me vent n cry lol
I will go see doctor tomorrow for a med. hopefully it will help me so I can go out n about do stuff like normal. I have been in bed like this for 3 weeks already.

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It's nice for some isn't it! Well I'm right next to Morley too :) PM me & we can sort something out.