TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after 1st Trimester July 07 #1

If you have found yourself in this forum you no doubt have had a painful journey. TTC after recurrent miscarriage/stillbirth or Late Loss takes special courage and support. The aim of this forum is to provide a place where women who have endured loss can share their stories, friendships, treatments and triumphs!

My greatest wish is that you all leave this forum with nice big fat positives in the shortest possible time!!!

I hope so much that this month is YOUR month for a

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You will find the previous thread HERE

Well, I think it's time for me to join this section.

My history is:
25 February 2006 - We interrupted a pregnancy due to birth defects associated with the most severe form of spina bifida.

27 April 2007 - After 10 months of trying we finally fell again, only to have a missed miscarriage at 8w6d for no specific reason.

13 July 2007 - We started on clomid for our first cycle trying after the m/c, got positive preg tests, neg blood test, and then AF turned up with a vengence...

I'm a little tired of the journey and am starting to wonder how much longer I can keep going through this heartache...

We are on clomid again this cycle and for one more, then I think it's onto IUI.

We don't have any specific reasons for our problems TTC, but there is a small MF, but it really shouldn't affect us too much.

We have been TTC since Sep 05, so nearly coming up to 2 years, which is a scary thought.

Welcome Saph... :hugs: I am so sorry for the goodbyes you have had to say... You have come to the right place for lots of understanding support as you go through this journey. Clomid has helped me to conceived my Angel daughter and this precious one in my belly now... I have had 2 chemical pregnancies - it is very disheartening... I am sorry.

I hope this cycle is successful and that soon you are growing your next baby... :hug:

Saph

Can I say I am so sorry for the very difficult 2 years you have had. Big :hugs: and sympathy for the loss of your angels.

I am sorry that you have found yourself in this thread but trust me, there is no where safer and more caring than here. The ladies in here will support you and help you through each stage of this difficult journey.

Take care
Lv Spring

Thanks for the welcome girls.

It's nice to see some people who have gotten to another pregnancy and are so far into it.

I find it hard associating with the people I did when first TTC as a lot of them are starting on their second child and I haven't even got 1 with me...

I'm sick of the comments, "this time has to be it, nothing else could possibly go wrong for you"... I wish it was that easy.

Where abouts are you all located, I'm about 45 mins north of Brisbane

Kristy - I am so sorry for what you have been through :hug: Life can be so unfair and the TTC journey is a tough one for us who have lost, especially when it doesnt seem to come easily. I wish you all the best for the future TTC journey and a very speedy BFP.

We are all here to support you so welcome :)

Mel

Kristy, I am so sorry for your losses :hug: I know the frustrations of TTC for a long time. It took us 2 years to conceive Cooper only to lose him at 37 weeks. We conceived Cooper on Clomid but it didn't work for us this time around and I am currently pg with our FSH/IUI miracle, nicknamed *Hope*. I just hope that *Hope* comes home with us but with the support of these fantastic girls, I have come so far and they support me through my fears and anxiety and also the heartbreak.

I wish you all the best and I hope your TTC journey is short and sweet. Take care :hug:

Kristy/saph - welcome, i'm so sorry to hear of your losses but you have come to the right place. I'm sorry you have done it so hard over the last few years, I pray this is your miracle cycle

aunty m - thinking of you today, happy 4 months yeti.

morning ladies, will do more personals later.
tommysmum - wilber is soo cute, might have to save carmen for myself.
mel - thanks for sat nite hope you recovered okay yesterday, still have that same full feeling, think that mudslide pushed me right over the edge, however still drooling at just the thought of it.
deb - what a milestone, so glad col is doing well. thats another step closer.

Auntie M - thinking of you and your precious angel today :hug:
Happy 4 month Birthday Yeti

Happy 4 month birthday darling little Yetti

Huge :hugs: to you and DH today Aunty M.

Lv Spring

spring - how you feeling, hows your back?
lynn - hope is so cute, look at that foot, think she's going to be a footy player lol

Happy 4th Month b'day Yetti, thinking of you & your DH Auntie M!!!

~ Happy 4 months Yeti ~

Big :hug: to you and your DH Auntie M, hope you get through the day as good as possible.

Klee - I hope you are ok today, I noticed your mood says "crappy" - if you need anything... :hug:

Lynn - I also noticed your mood is "depressed" - Hope you are ok, as for Klee if you need anything... :hug: I will be online tonight if you want to talk about anything :hug:

mel - are you okay, yours says "in pain"?
me - i'm always crappy, just more so today, just bit fluey and scratchy eyes, and bloody cold

Hi everyone!!

Welcome saph.. I am very sorry to hear of your losses and your struggles. I have found this group to be very helpful in my dicision to try again. (4th attempt- zero success) It can be very daunting, and its a hard choice to make. Good luck with it all. You have come to the right place.

Aunty M Happy 4 months Yeti!! Thinking of you and DH Aunty M hugs and kisses

Sorry for lack of personals.... i am at work again!!

Well, i am getting excited. If i go by the date i started to bleed last month i am :confetti: 6 days late.:confetti: However, if i take it from when i "should" have bled i still have 11 days to go. So i am going to try to hold off another 11 days and if there is still nothing i will test. That is the plan anyway. I have no doubt i will test before that, but i will try to wait.
I am not putting too much hope on it happening this month anyway, due to messed up cycles. I am telling myself that so i dont get too upset if im not preg. Lets see if it works. I will keep you all informed!!

:hug: to anyone who needs one!!

I have a question... Can anyone recomend a doctor (are we allowed to ask that?) in the Northern NSW Tweed coast area. i have my local dr in Mullumbimby who i will see for the first few weeks, but then i need to go north to at least Tweed, prefferably Gold coast for delivery and for regular monitoring. I want a good one (duh) so maybe if any one knows of a good kind thourough doctor around that area could you let me know please. Thanks heaps. :)

Take care everyone
kat xox

Mel - I am ok. I am scared again now. I have an u/s tomorrow and I am just so scared. I hate looking at the screen in fear that there won't be a heartbeat. Anyway, how are you? Why are you in pain? I hope you are ok :hug:

Kat - sorry I can't help with dr up your way. Maybe post in the dr thread and see if anyone can help you. Have you tested yet? Good luck! It is so hard to work out when to start testing when you have weird cycles.

Mel1977 something has gone hay wire in my private message thing, i can no longer access it at all. Sorry no reply

Hey girls:

Lynn: I have everything I can possibly crossed for you tomorrow. I know too well how nervous/scared/frightened it can be leading up to a scan. Don't forget, before long you will start to feel Hope move and then you will be able to get your own reassurance every day. I hope MIL is easy on you tomorrow, as I said, if you want me there just call. Even if you decide just as you are on your way. I'm good at keeping MIL under control ;)

Mel: In pain, what's up? I hope you are ok. If you get a chance drop in and let us know how you are. I am going to call tomorrow night so if you don't feel like a call, just let me know.

Kat: 6 days late, that is fantastic. You must have a lot of self control to hold of testing. I hope so much this is a BFP for you. About the Ob question, what I did when I moved to Sydney was to call the major hospitals, ask to speak to the head midwife and asked their opinion. I wanted someone who had experience in what I had been through, was sensitive to me being so crazy. It was very difficult to explain my situation over and over again but it was worth it. I then researched their recommendations and came across the Ob I now have. He has been fantastic. You can also post as Mel suggested and see if you can get any ideas from the BB girls.

Klee: I hope that darn cold buggers off soon. You poor thing. I am sending you some bit *get better* sympathy.

Well I have finally updated my mood to mellow. I saw the chiro again and boy do I feel better. I have to go twice a week for a fortnight and then weekly until the birth. She is fantastic so if anyone in the Sydney area wants a recommendation for a Chiro, who is safe during pregnancy, I'd be happy to pass on her details.

I have managed to get some stuff for our move organised today. Carpet cleaning, pest fumagation, booking trucks etc, it all takes plenty of time but at least I can do it in my PJ's and at home. I think I might finish work in 3 weeks not four, I am worried I am going to be so bored and I am scared of being alone with my thoughts, but at the same time I need to listen to my body. Only 6 sleeps until DH is home... again... Yay.

I'll pop in after dinner
Lv Spring

Saph - sorry to hear about your loses and i hope that you can be on the road to having a bouncing bean in your tummy very soon. i wish you a safe journey and know that we are all here in this together.

Happy birthday Yeti - sending kisses and cuddles to you and your mummy and daddy.

Lynn - good luck with the scan tomorrow - Hope will be bouncing around. It will be exciting ok and everything will be just perfect.

Klee - yes carmen can be yours - soon hey ? Get going and DTD....hope you are well.

Hello to everyone else - hope you are all well. These moods sure change quickly hey ??

Thanks for the welcome girls :)

Good luck for your scan tomorrow, they are definately scary to face!

Just getting to know you all, is there somewhere I can catch up on all your journeys so far?

Hey Girls -

Re: "In Pain" mood... When I got to work this morning I started getting really severe cramping in my lower pelvis, I mean really severe. Borderline to the point I was going to go home. It was painful even just walking around but much worse when sitting down. It last full on for a couple of hours and then settled down a little but I have felt slightly crampy on and off all day. Its almost like really severe pre menstrual symptoms, and it makes me wonder if I am going to get a visitor over the next couple of days, slightly early but stranger things have happened. Oh well anyway, I am sure I will live and it isnt as bad tonight so I will have to change my mood!

Katti - I tried to send you an email yesterday and it bounced back so I tried again tonight and it bounced back again. Then I tried to send you PM (before I read the thread) and it gave me this message: "The following errors occurred when this message was submitted: Katti81 has chosen not to receive private messages or may not be allowed to receive private messages. Therefore you may not send your message to him/her." If you havent chosen not to receive the messages I am wondering if your message box is full? I know you can only receive 10 messages at 1 time. Anyway, if you want to email me, my email is lilleymel@aol.com. :crossfingers: that you ARE 6 days late! Surely you cant resist testing? If you do your a better woman that me ;)

Spring - Thanks I am ok, just a bit of a wuss probably. Tomorrow night is great, look forward to it (hopefully no medical emergencies this time LOL). I should be home by 7... Well done on getting some stuff organised, I just hope you are still resting up - drs orders remember :p

Lynn - Good luck tomorrow, Im sure you wont need it but youve got my positive vibes flowing your way all the same. I hope you can get a good night sleep, I can only imagine how scary everything must be :hug:

Klee - Poor thing about the sniffles, must be all that standing out in the cold on Saturday night :doh: Was really good catching up, its nice to have a few laughs. OMG the mudslide was delicious - I will have that for dessert any old time!

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all well.

Ciao for now,

Mel :)

Hey Saph - I dont think there is anywhere you can read everyones stories but we can probably each fill you in a little, my story is...

My son Nicholas was stillborn on 5 Sept last year at 36w1d. He was our first baby. We found out a little while after that I have anticardiolipin antibodies which is a blood disorder that caused a clot to form behind the placenta. It was tough, actually it still is :(

We started trying for our 2nd baby as soon as we were given the all clear, but to this date we have not succeeded. We are now going through the processes to begin IVF. They cannot find anything medically that is causing our infertility - our fertility specialist calls it "idiopathic infertility" - YAY! It is sooooo frustrating - we were ready for a baby over a year ago and by all accounts had one only for him to taken away from us, and now to get that extra slap in the face by not being able to conceive another... :doh:

Anyway thats a run-down... I am sure all of the other girls will be happy to fill you in about themselves.

I hope you can find this group as supportive as I have, I have to say I dont know where I would be without the beautiful ladies I have met through BB (probably the loony-bin), they are absolute god-sends :hug:

Howdy everyone. thank you all for thinking of my little Yeti today. it is so difficult because this time i can't picture in my mind what he would be like at 4 months. he is just so gone from me. i'm going to go put a cherry tree in the yard for him.

tommysmum- Wilber is a grand name!

Kat- good luck on trying to wait- i never seem to be able to . . . . i hope you have a bfp!

Lynn- hugs to you for tomorrow's scan. what a stresser.

Saph- welcome, and i wish you the best of luck with ttc. this is such an awesome, understanding bunch! as for history, four months ago today i gave birth to my first son, Yeti, at 39 weeks. he had died two days before from a cord accident. we had gone in for a regularly scheduled prenatal, and the midwife couldn't locate his heartbeat. from that moment on, life has been surreal and so full of pain. we are ttc, although that scares me just as much as not. i'm glad you are here, and i am so sorry for your losses. hugs.

can anyone tell me how on earth to change the "mood" thingy? i figured it out once, but today it is beyond me. thanks.

~ Happy 5 month birthday beautiful little Phoebe ~
:hug: Give your Mummy and Daddy a big angel :hug:

Mel, our stories are a bit similar in the secondary infertility, it's so frustrating when they can't find a reason for you not falling pregnant again after you did it so successfully the first time.... Thankyou for sharing :)

Auntie M, I'm so sorry to hear of your darling little boy Yeti. Moving forward is such a struggle day after day. Hugs.

A cherry tree sounds lovely :)

I think the mood thing is in your profile.

saph - my story, i lost my phoebe at 37 weeks 5 months ago to a cord accident, I'm not feeling up to telling much more today, except that this is our first month of officially ttc'ing.

Hey all,
just a quick one from me, off to the dr later this afternoon, ever since I started on my iron tablets i've been getting chest pains & what feels like heartburn, so i think it's about time I check it out!

Lynn - Goodluck for today!!!

Welcome Kristy!

Happy 5 mth birthday phoebe
Thinking of you and your dh today Klee!

Happpy 5th Month little Phoebe.

Thinking of you and your DH today Klee. :hugs: coming your way.

Lv Spring

Happy 5 month Birthday little Phoebe. May you shine down on your mummy and daddy today and give them a big warm hug.

Thinking of you and your DH today Klee. Big big :hug:

Mel and Kat: I think there has been a change to the PM rules. I don't think you can send or receive PM's unless you have had 50 posts or more.

Check out messages for members, I recall reading something in there.

So get posting Kat, not far until you get to 50.

Spring

Mel: I am so sorry to hear about the cramping. Have you been tempted to test? I know how hard the TTC journey has been for you so I hope so much that you get a nice surprise soon. Don't forget, I got terrible cramps leading up to my BFP. I thought for sure AF was on her way. I'll call after 7 tonight. Can't wait to chat.

Saph: Forgive me if I don't really want to give my whole story today but the jist of it is I lost my first son Harrison at 36 weeks 2 days. He had problems that we were aware of, but we never thought we would loose him. I was so blessed to fall pregnant on my third cycle after giving birth and now counting the days until I meet this little treasure. Harry is doing a wonderful job of being our guardian angel and taking care of us.

Jo: I hope the doctors manage to sort out that pain. Take care

Big hugs to everyone else.

Lv Spring

Thanks girls for your wishes. *Hope* is growing beautifully and has a nice strong heartbeat. He/she was bouncing around so much down there kicking it's little legs. I told it to stop moving!!! It isn't allowed to move!!!!! Oh that's right, it is a wireless baby so it can ;) My mood has finally changed!!! Let's see how long it stays like this for.

Kristy - not sure if you prefer to be called Kristy or Saph, maybe let us know so we all call you the same thing. Well my story is that I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and I don't ovulate on my own. It took a while to find out the problem and then with the help of a fertility drug called Clomid and after 2 years we FINALLY conceived Cooper. Heartbreakingly we lost Cooper at 37 weeks to a cord accident. Like Auntie M we went for a routine ultrasound and found out that there was no heartbeat. Coop was born with the cord tightly around his little neck. Once we were given the all clear we started TTC again. I was put on Clomid again but after 2 cycles I wasn't ovulating. I went to see a fertility specialist who put me on Metformin which helps control my insulin and the PCOS and monitored me with blood tests and ultrasounds to see if and when I was ovulating. It was discovered that my body was not responding to Clomid this time around so I had to take the next step which was daily injections of FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) and IUI. To my suprise (and my fertility specialist) it worked first time. He had told us that it may take a few cycles to get the dose right. So after 5 months of trying (which felt so much longer than the 2 years it took with Cooper) our little miracle started to grow. Nicknamed *Hope*, my little bean is what gets me through each day. The TTC journey is so painful and heartbreaking but with the support of these wonderful and beautiful women, I would not be where I am today. It is so good to come in here with all your fears and anxieties and be told that you are normal. Do they know what is the cause of your infertility? It is like being kicked while you are already down isn't it? It is like you can't have this baby but we will make you struggle for another. Who made this life so darm hard!!!! Anyway, I wish you all the best and hope that this journey is short and sweet for you :hug:

Spring - how are you feeling today? I hope your hip is ok :hugs:

Mel - how is that cramping going? I hope you are ok. If that witch arrives at your place, let me know because I will kick her ars3!!!!!

Auntie M - the cherry tree sounds beautiful! It is so hard isn't it, thinking about what they would look like and what they would be doing. Big big :hugs: to you. Up the top of the page where your log on details are if you click on the mood, a list will drop down.

Jo - how are you going? I hope you get some answers from the dr. Nothing worse than heartburn!! Well there is but ykwim.

Klee - are you doing ok today? From your post it sounds like you might be having a difficult day. I'm here for you if you need an ear :hug:

Kat - have you done a test yet? My fingers and toes are crossed for you :pray:

Yay Lynn, I was waiting for you to post your wonderful news. If I could move properly I would be doing a :dance: HAPPY DANCE :dance: for you.

Thanks for asking about my hip, feeling even better today.

Lv Spring

thanks for your wishes today ladies, it has been a tough morning emotionally speaking. one of the bosses heres father died and i went to pay my condolences and sort of lost it, i just sort of mentioned that i was having a tough year and had lost someone earlier in the year and that I was feeling for him, didn't mean to make it about me, it just kind of happened, feel kind of bad about it actually. i know he probably didn't think anything of it, i just tend to overthink these days, more so today, blah blah blah blah blah. to top it off the lady next to me was saying how she just became a grandmother again, i know she tried to be quiet about it, she sent the other ladies an email but not me, its kind of a strange feeling really, i don't know if it makes sense probably not. i don't even know what i am trying to say, i am so scattered today.

Thanks for sharing your stories girls, I know that it can be extremely hard.

Happy 5 month birthday Phoebe. Hugs to you Klee. It's hard when people keep things from you because they think it will upset you less... You feel a bit like an outcast sometimes. I make a big point of telling everyone what happened to us just to make people more aware how often this kind of thing really happens.

You can call me Kristy :)

Lynn, we have no reasons for our fertility problems, no reasons for our miscarriage or chemical pregnancy either. I'm starting my second round of clomid tomorrow, we will be going the IUI route if our 3rd cycle of clomid doesn't work. Thankfully the clomid gave me a good ovulation response and my prog levels were quite high so we're just sticking with that for now. Hubby does have 85% abnormality rate on his little swimmers and that may be a cause, but we're really not sure.

Congratulations on having a great scan :)

Are any of you members of any support groups? I'm a member of SANDS and have found it to be a bit of a life saver :)