FF Frowns

Just relaly need to vent..

Ryan's only 6 days old and the next negative comment I get about bottle feeding is going to land someone a broken nose!! Even when he attaches properly it causes me agony and he's not getting enough even after 1-2hrs. I left the hospital early because of the negative attitudes of the midwives and how pushy and stressful it was and now I still get the negative comments from the midwives and other people. It's really hurtful to have it insinuated your a bad mum because you don't keep persevering with a losing battle...

End vent

I feel for you I really do, but once we become parents its like we are fair game for every comment under the sun - regardless of how we feed our babies - there is always going to be someone who doesn't like it or feels the need to add their 2 cents worth. It is especially hard in the early days when we are just finding our feet, but soon you learn to brush it off with a polite smile and a nod, confident that whatever choices we make are the right ones for our family.

You are doing a great job so far!

Hi,

It is really hurtful, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. There are so many emotions surrounding childbirth and becoming a new mother, it is important that you find people who will support you.
I would kinda like to see the broken nose scenario - people should really mind their own beeswax. Didn't their mothers teach them if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all? But, probably not a good idea. I wonder what bottlefeeding mums say when faced with this? There are lists on websites of what breastfeeding mums can say - not sure about bottlefeeding. I would tend to say "yes, isn't she beautiful" (turn around the focus of the discussion). Or "Yes, breastfeeding didn't work out for us, but we're both happier now, thankyou"
It's hard to know who these people are - when you consider that most Australian babies (90%) have had formula by the time they are 6mnths old. Maybe you could ask them how they fed their children - or if they have children. But then it's not your job to be interested in their lives - it just some-times puts them back in their box to have the tables turned to personal questions about their lives.
You are doing a great job with your little one - keep it up, and don't let the turkeys get you down
Barb

I know what you mean - I got the same sort of thing, although was FF for different reasons.

I could say to ignore them, they're ignorant, rude, misinformed people - but I know that it does get to you. It makes you angry, upset and it makes you question the decisions you have made. You struggle to do the right thing for your child and make difficult choices and the last thing you need with a new baby is to be criticised for your choices. Take heart in knowing that you have made a decision that is in the very best interests of your baby and you. You're doing a great job and your baby is going to love you for being so strong. Good luck.

I was ignoring people's looks until I had one woman tell me how I should feel awful for giving my baby poison, and for being blinded by commercial messages. I lost it that day, and told her she was quite right and I would feel much better if I had followed the current belief of what was the "only way to feed a child" and continued breastfeeding, allowing my child to suffer enormous amounts of pain and then die from malnutrition, and it was such a weakness of mine as a mother that I wasn't strong enough to do that. That shut her up.

CM- i know exactly how u feel!! with my first DS i was in tears in the hospital trying to bf him. one midwife was absolutely wonderful she could see how painful it was and offered me a bottle to give my breasts a break. I didn't end up bf him for long, only 11 days as there were a few issues. But the crap i dealt with from everyone, like its really their business anyway how u feed your own child! This time round i only stayed a night in hosp cause i didnt want to deal with the attitudes of the midwives (a friend had a baby 4wks before me and was stuck with horrible, unsupportive midwives!). Only one was 'bf bf bf' the others told me it was my choice etc.. I took it so personally the first time round with what i was being told at the hosp and by in laws (my SIL is with the aba) but this time i tried not to care and my little man is so content with formula. He refused to bf and if anyone questions me i just say he refused it and is now very happy, so is my older son as he can now feed him and loves it! Best of luck to u with ur new little one!! Aren't babies just so adorable....

Lulu- I would have loved to have seen that womans face!!

CM - Oooh doesn't that make your blood boil? My bub wasn't having wet nappies in hossie, and wasn't actually swallowing with the bf, so I suspected no milk supply. I asked for formula, and most of the midwives were great with the formulae - which I'd request with him on the boob. Other m/w would ask if he really needed it (I don't know, a screaming baby on the boob? - hmmm) and I'd just say 60mls pls, I'll do the other side then top him up.

I don't know why people who are supposed to be advocates for your baby don't have objective views
:(

Oh you poor thing, nobody really tells you how hard and how painful breastfeeding can be. I spent ages in tears at one point because of the incredible pain after having to unblock a duct (it involved a needle and my nipple...............appalling stuff) and then feeding. I'm sorry you got negative comments and left hospital early - perhaps the hospital could do with some feedback on this?

No matter what you do we know you have the health of your baby as the centre of your attention. Good luck for whatever you choose.

I'm sorry to hear that all these selfish people are affecting your first precious days with your new bub. I agree with the others people should learn to mind their own business. I had my hubby's cousins ask me how I managed to bf and in public and stuff too, as they didn't think they could do it. I simply said that everyone is different and all you can do is give it a go. The most important part at the end of the day is that both mum and bub are good.

I think your doing a great job!! Don't let other people get you down.

Thanks for the words of encouragement I spoke to my new home care nurse today and she just said "are you breastfeeding or bottlefeeding" and I said bottle and she just said ok and kept asking questions like it was no big deal. Everytime I get them ask me I tense waiting for the "why are you bottlefeeding" interigation. I just look at Ryans little face and his massive bright eyes and feel maybe I should of perservered or tried harder and that I've failed him, damn baby blues :(

CM, he's content with FF and he's growing and putting on weight. FF was the choice you made, obviously not because u wanted to, but because u had to for pain reasons. Tell them to mind their own business. I had to FF Kat as my milk went the day after it came in. Litterally GONE. Went from hand expressing 100ml per BB to not even 50ml via machine the next day from both together. I tried expressing every hr between feeds, and I persevered for 6wks. It was the most stressful 6wks of my life. I never felt she was getting enough, she had reflux and would vomit back the small amount she was getting and then she'd need a FF top up of over 100ml! I was at my wits end when it was suggested she go onto FF, thickened. Best move I ever made. She gained weight and stopped screaming so much after feeds. I still found it hard and I was judged by ppl. But who the hell are they to judge me? Or you for that matter? They don't know the circumstances! Do whatever is right for you and bub and scr#w everyone who tries to tell u otherwise honey *hugs*.

As long as he is happy & healthy & you are happy than you are doing the right thing. If you are stressed coz you are trying to bf & its not working than ff. If you are relaxed & comfortable the whole world can feel better. Relax & enjoy your beautiful bub. I felt the same, but both my girls are very smart healthy & happy. I bf for at least 4 weeks with both & still felt guilty. Now I see just how smart they are - both were well advanced for their age as babies. And both are very out going, happy, healthy & smart & I don't even think about it any more.

I had almost the same thing.

Daniel was losing weight extremely fast in hossie. I thought everything was fine because he was attaching OK and I was convinced he was feeding. When they weighed him he had lost more than 10% of his body weight. So I got put on a BP and NOTHING. Not a brass razoo....... and it never happened. I tried and tried. Although Daniel was being FF at the same time I was still trying the BF - still nothing as I was trying to EBM too. So, after about 6 weeks I just resigned myself to the fact that nothing was happening. I was on Maxalon and Ginger Beer (which, by the way, is possibly the grossest drink ever!)

So, I went to FF completely. Boy, the comments - especially from the CHN's!! I felt like a leper.... just ridiculous.

You are not alone. Nay sayers are part of having a child. I've discovered that if you hand a baby over to a nay sayer - who has had children but YEARS ago - they'll confess they "forget" how to even hold a baby. Well, if you've forgotten that, why should I listen to you?

CM -please don't feel that you have failed your little man. You made a very tough decision under difficult circumstances. Your son's bright eyes should tell you everything you need to know - he's happy, healthy and full of love for his mummy! I've learned the hard way that the only way to get through this mummy gig is to make a decision and then don't look back. Having said that, if you truly believe you have perhaps acted hastily, all may not be lost. I've heard of women who relactate successfully so the BF road may not be closed to you. Barb would be the best to ask here, or else contact the ABA. Just think carefully before you do, and don't let mean spirited, narrow minded, judgmental people influence your decision.

In case you're worried you will miss out on all that fabulous bonding that BF is supposed to bring, please don't. Bottle feeding times with my DD are beautiful - depending on her mood she will snuggle right in, stroke my face, give me big milky smiles - everything the girls in my baby buddies group say their BF bubs do. The huge advantage I have is that feed times for both my DD and I are enjoyable - not the painful fight they were with BF.

just quickly (doin the on handed type here lol) my bub is almost 4 wks same thing happened to us n we went on to formula n she thrived as soon as we put her on i felt guilty to the point where i even triefd a few more times once we were home which was awful most ppl were good about it but when we went to the community health nurse she was like ohhhh its a shame ur not bfing... n those ppl are supposed to help with pnd n things grrr

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In case you're worried you will miss out on all that fabulous bonding that BF is supposed to bring, please don't. Bottle feeding times with my DD are beautiful - depending on her mood she will snuggle right in, stroke my face, give me big milky smiles - everything the girls in my baby buddies group say their BF bubs do. The huge advantage I have is that feed times for both my DD and I are enjoyable - not the painful fight they were with BF.

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CM - and one of the best things about FF is that dads get the bonding at feeding time too. Watching my DF feed the DS is amazing, the look on his face as he feeds him, you can watch the tension draining out of DF as he watches the gorgeous baby contentment.

Couldn't agree with you more LuluB and Kazbah. My daughter was also not putting on weight with BF. Anyhow to cut a long story short I expressed and supplemented with formula for seven weeks, all the time tormenting myself about whether to give BF one last red hot go.

I think the best advice I would give someone is to treat your bond with your baby as the most important thing. In my case, trying to BF a baby who would scream, scratch my cracked nipples and rip my nipple shield off was not helping us bond! Nor was expressing every three hours and having to express when she wanted to play.

Now feeds are a joy and we have LOTS of playtime.

So CelticMoon, trust your judgement and try not to tie yourself in knots like I did. The most important thing is that you enjoy this time with your baby. That's why we have them.

I understand those horrid looks n comments hun! Em has been on a bottle since 6 weeks coz she was not able to bf and ended up in hossy for 10 days. we were given the option to bf, ebm, or formula. Formula was the best decision for my fam as we could easily increse the calories to help her catch up to what she should have been, and I would be able to spend more time with Sarah. Don't feel guilty, just make sure u r making the best decision for ur family and don't let any1 tell u that u don't know what is best 4 ur family.

Big :hugs: hun. Be confident in ur ability to b a great mum.

I went to the dr yesterday for stomach pain. I never been told off so severely in my life. I was told I was going to have an obese asthmatic baby because he's FF and that when I came back with an obese asthmatic that needed constant hosp care she'd say "I told you so" and not to be suprised when it did happen because it WOULD and I would hate myself for the rest of my life and get PND and hurt my baby and everyone around me! I cried and cried and cried.

I told my community nurse she's going to her boss with it to put in a complaint about it. The dr sent me crying to the hospital with bubs to give it another go and said if I didn't try then I didn't care. We got bubs on ok and it wasn't as completely agonising but still really painful, now I don't know if I should try and relactate or not because even after he was on each boob for over 30minutes he still wanted 120mls of FF. I was just starting to accept FF and now I'm a wreak I really hate myself right now...

CM - I have been FF my bubs since day 4 and tried everything - expressing after and in between feeds, latching, multiple meds and clinics - I even had his very minor tongue-tie snipped.

I found that if I put him on then I'd still have to FF him after. If you want Ryan to be on the boob, then try, but for your own reasons - I like bushwalking so that was my motivation to keep trying. Although I never could solely FF him, I did give the closeness it gave me, and also sometimes it was the only thing that would stop him crying.

Maybe if you try just BF first thing in the morning only, and do that for a few days, top up with FF after - see how you go. If nothing else, it may keep Ryan quiet while you're still waking up :D

WHAT!!! :angry: how could a Dr b so heartless. I would say something 2 her about bedside manner and if it didn't improve, find another Dr!!

CM - i would just find another DR pronto!!! That's disgusting!!! I would definitely follow through with a complaint, as far as I could take it!!

I am PG with my 1st and i don't know whether i WILL be able to BF or not and i would certainly NEVER judge another! That's terrible! The way i see it, as long as your baby is happy and healthy then that's all there is to it!! What's the point of BF if your bub isn't getting enough milk or you are is such pain that you hate every second of it.. isn't it meant to be enjoyable?!?!

chin up luv and tell them all to mind their own business!!

xxx

CelticMoon - I am so sorry that you have had to put up with that from your doctor. This is the way I see it (and this is coming from someone who also had difficulties with BF and is now FF so no judgement here whatsoever). If you feel you would like to keep trying with BF, then do that (but only because YOU want to, not because you feel pressured). You may have regrets and 'what ifs' later if you feel, for whatever reason, that perhaps you gave up too soon. If, however, you really can't face it and it is damaging the bond with your baby, then maybe it's not for you.

In either case, I'd encourage you to ring the Australian Breastfeeding Association and speak to a counsellor. I begrudgingly rang one of their counsellors just to shut up a relative who was a friend of the counsellor. I thought they would be really gung ho about breastfeeding and really shove that down my throat. They're not. They really understand that breastfeeding can be difficult and the lady I spoke to just listened to all the dramas I had. If you want to try to keep going they are the best pepole to speak to. If you just want to vent a little and talk through some of the problems, they will listen to that too. And as the counsellor said to me, "breastfeeding is not the be all and end all of being a good mother."

I know it's VERY difficult but don't let that one doctor make you feel terrible.

My God. I can't believe there are medical professionals out there who behave this way. I shouldn't be surprised - I copped an awful lot of negative feedback from my DD's paed and first GP when I made the switch to formula, although nothing as bad as what you got. I would be yelling all the way to the person in charge - that is disgusting behaviour that is not only unprofessional but completely inaccurate!! For example, there is evidence saying BF reduces the chance of asthma. There has also just recently been a study finalised by Melbourne and Adelaide "experts" saying that BF mums can actually INCREASE their baby's chance of getting asthma in later childhood if there is asthma in the family. Just one example of how conflicting the "experts" advice on these things are.

Please please please please please don't listen to this person. Go to another medical professional - one you feel comfortable with (I went to my own GP and got the support that was missing from others). As I said in my earlier post, if YOU choose to try relactating for YOU then fabulous. I wish you all the luck in the world. But please don't be guilted into doing something that you simply don't want to do (for your own very valid reasons) by people who don't live with you and your son every hour of every day.

This attitude to formula feeding makes me so incredibly angry. The percentage of formula fed babies is huge - and there is no way each and every one of them has the learning disabilities, asthma, allergies, increased sickness that we are supposedly cursing our children with because for whatever reason we choose to FF. There will always be babies and children who don't do as well as their siblings or peers. That's life. There are a million reasons for it and simply blaming everything on FF is ridiculous.

I said in a previous post that was later removed that my DH was FF from birth. His IQ is in the genius range. He is an exceptional sportsman in just about any sport he tries (makes me very jealous!!). He has travelled the world, is well read, is an accomplished pianist. Basically, the most well rounded individual I have ever met. FF was not my first choice for my daughter, but we've been dealt the hand we have. I do not however have any concerns about the supposed damage FF will do to her. My hope is she "suffers" just as much as her daddy has done from a FF start to life.

Sorry for the long post but I really feel for you. I've been in your shoes and its totally unfair. The ONLY thing that matters here is that you and your baby boy are happy and healthy - mentally, physically and emotionally. I truly hope you start receiving the support you deserve.

Celtic Moon, I've just had my baby and found myself in the exact same position as yourself. Madeline is now 4 weeks old and i've got her on formula, and she has been on formula since week 2. She's happy, healthy and putting on weight, and thats all i need to know. Like you, I tried and tried and tried to breastfeed Maddie but it was just not happening. I totally beat myself up about it, and everyone (midwifes, family) putting in their two cents worth did not help me at all, it just made me so upset, guilty and i felt that i had already failed as a mother. My advice to you is to stick to formula feeding, breast feeding is not for everyone, and remember there are a tonne of children in the world that are formula fed - i was formula fed and here I am today happy and healthy!! Of course I agree breast feeding is more beneficial to your baby, but what can you do. If it hurts like hell (and I totally know what you mean) dont force it. You have given it a good go, at least you did that. Trust me your baby will be fine on formula. And finally can I just add, it gets me so angry that people (especially the midwives) push it on others that they must breast feed otherwise harm will come to the baby, what a load of rubbish, do what feels right for you and bub ok! Knowing what I know now, i would have just FF right from the start :)

I had a call from a lactation consultant/counsellor today at the request of my community nurse to talk to me about what the dr said. She is going to come see me monday to just have a chat and see how I am going as I was balling my eyes out on the phone to the nurse so I suppose they want to make sure I'm not going to throw myself off a cliff or something over my boobs lol. She was very for formula and for woman wanting to do both and said there is no evidence of what the dr said being true. Just feels like everytime I start to go 'yep FF is for us, I'm happy with it' someone comes along and makes me doubt myself all over again

CM - take it as an opportunity to put the heel into your doctor :D

OMG LuluHB, I can't believe that woman actually had the gall to say that to you! Are people really that rude once you have a baby that they think its a free for all and can say whatever they feel like??

CelticMoon, I'm sure you're the best mum! My heart breaks that people think they know best when really they have no idea. Keep doing whatever works for you! And as to that rude Dr, bless your CHN for standing up to her and putting in a complaint on your behalf! I bet she doesn´t even have kids of her own!

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Just feels like everytime I start to go 'yep FF is for us, I'm happy with it' someone comes along and makes me doubt myself all over again

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I know exactly what you mean. Dont let others peoples opinions influence you. Do what feels right for you and bub. Dont feel bad about it if you decide not to breastfeed.

Hi, I've dropped into this convo a bit late, sorry :D

My exp is a little dif, my bub couldn't be bf until he learnt how to suck. (born at 30wks) I expressed for him, and we started to Bf when he was about 5wks. It was going ok. I had heaps of milk and he was doing really well. But I never got the chance to fully bf before we were sent home. I persevered (sp?) He was 6 wks old when discharged, I bf him until he was about 3.5 months, then I had problems, he would just spew it up. We also moved house about this time (which is the 2nd most stressful thing to do!) I saw my dr and he told me no way, do not put him on formula just put up with it basically. I wasn't getting any sleep I was pretty much feeding all the time, he was never satisfied. I finally decided no more and started formula top-ups, whiched worked for about a week, until he decided he liked the formula better!! My family was the meanest they'd ever been, after all the support and everything while in hospital now this. My mum kept asking me why?, which only upset me more. I kept getting comments like poor baby. WHAT ABOUT ME?????????

I don't care anymore, he's being fed and hes happy and thats all that matters. That's the way I see it. My mum kept picking on my aunt who bf all the way, saying how the baby was always upset and hungry, ect. My hat goes off to my aunt! She did what she wanted and didn't listen to anyones advise.

My advise to any mum worried about what other people say is, Don't worry about it. Your baby is happy and you are happy and that is all that matters. BF is not for everyone, that's why they have formula! Tell them to pi$$ off! The more someone pressures the less you are going to like bf, I think if left alone and relaxed bf would be easier.

Sorry I kinda B!tched a little.... :D

Gotta eat. Don't eat, ya die...............

Maybe just point that out.............. Or, you could also point at that your (?) month old baby doesn't eat sandwiches yet - you tried that last week. Then watch their faces.

I can't believe how insensitive that doctor was. He talked about PND if you DONT breastfeed, well it is attitudes like that, that contribute to women getting PND!!!
You have to do what is best for you. THere is absolutely no crime in formula feeding. I was a formula fed baby, and I have never had asthma, and if anything I struggled to keep weight on!! So what I am saying is that we are all different. I get the complete opposite DS is now 13 months and still BF, and I get the whole "Isn't he a bit old for BF??!!" The difference is that I am not a new mother, and I am not trying to establish a relationship, so I just nod and say - yep still feeding!!! I struggled with feeding at the start, but nothing that I couldn't cope with. But if I had the same experience that you had, I probably would have swapped to formula also.

Big Hugs to you.

That Dr was horrid!! I would be reporting her to the AMA. I'm glad you phoned your CHN and that you have found some support. How dare your Dr blame any of those things on not BF.

you said

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I just look at Ryans little face and his massive bright eyes and feel maybe I should of perservered or tried harder and that I've failed him, damn baby blues

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Darling those massive bright eyes are an indication of a happy healthy baby, who is doing marvelously on formula.