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Thread: FF Frowns

  1. #1

    Angry FF Frowns

    Just relaly need to vent..

    Ryan's only 6 days old and the next negative comment I get about bottle feeding is going to land someone a broken nose!! Even when he attaches properly it causes me agony and he's not getting enough even after 1-2hrs. I left the hospital early because of the negative attitudes of the midwives and how pushy and stressful it was and now I still get the negative comments from the midwives and other people. It's really hurtful to have it insinuated your a bad mum because you don't keep persevering with a losing battle...



    End vent

  2. #2

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    I feel for you I really do, but once we become parents its like we are fair game for every comment under the sun - regardless of how we feed our babies - there is always going to be someone who doesn't like it or feels the need to add their 2 cents worth. It is especially hard in the early days when we are just finding our feet, but soon you learn to brush it off with a polite smile and a nod, confident that whatever choices we make are the right ones for our family.

    You are doing a great job so far!

  3. #3

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    Hi,

    It is really hurtful, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. There are so many emotions surrounding childbirth and becoming a new mother, it is important that you find people who will support you.
    I would kinda like to see the broken nose scenario - people should really mind their own beeswax. Didn't their mothers teach them if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all? But, probably not a good idea. I wonder what bottlefeeding mums say when faced with this? There are lists on websites of what breastfeeding mums can say - not sure about bottlefeeding. I would tend to say "yes, isn't she beautiful" (turn around the focus of the discussion). Or "Yes, breastfeeding didn't work out for us, but we're both happier now, thankyou"
    It's hard to know who these people are - when you consider that most Australian babies (90%) have had formula by the time they are 6mnths old. Maybe you could ask them how they fed their children - or if they have children. But then it's not your job to be interested in their lives - it just some-times puts them back in their box to have the tables turned to personal questions about their lives.
    You are doing a great job with your little one - keep it up, and don't let the turkeys get you down
    Barb

  4. #4

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    I know what you mean - I got the same sort of thing, although was FF for different reasons.

    I could say to ignore them, they're ignorant, rude, misinformed people - but I know that it does get to you. It makes you angry, upset and it makes you question the decisions you have made. You struggle to do the right thing for your child and make difficult choices and the last thing you need with a new baby is to be criticised for your choices. Take heart in knowing that you have made a decision that is in the very best interests of your baby and you. You're doing a great job and your baby is going to love you for being so strong. Good luck.

    I was ignoring people's looks until I had one woman tell me how I should feel awful for giving my baby poison, and for being blinded by commercial messages. I lost it that day, and told her she was quite right and I would feel much better if I had followed the current belief of what was the "only way to feed a child" and continued breastfeeding, allowing my child to suffer enormous amounts of pain and then die from malnutrition, and it was such a weakness of mine as a mother that I wasn't strong enough to do that. That shut her up.

  5. #5

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    CM- i know exactly how u feel!! with my first DS i was in tears in the hospital trying to bf him. one midwife was absolutely wonderful she could see how painful it was and offered me a bottle to give my breasts a break. I didn't end up bf him for long, only 11 days as there were a few issues. But the crap i dealt with from everyone, like its really their business anyway how u feed your own child! This time round i only stayed a night in hosp cause i didnt want to deal with the attitudes of the midwives (a friend had a baby 4wks before me and was stuck with horrible, unsupportive midwives!). Only one was 'bf bf bf' the others told me it was my choice etc.. I took it so personally the first time round with what i was being told at the hosp and by in laws (my SIL is with the aba) but this time i tried not to care and my little man is so content with formula. He refused to bf and if anyone questions me i just say he refused it and is now very happy, so is my older son as he can now feed him and loves it! Best of luck to u with ur new little one!! Aren't babies just so adorable....

    Lulu- I would have loved to have seen that womans face!!

  6. #6

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    CM - Oooh doesn't that make your blood boil? My bub wasn't having wet nappies in hossie, and wasn't actually swallowing with the bf, so I suspected no milk supply. I asked for formula, and most of the midwives were great with the formulae - which I'd request with him on the boob. Other m/w would ask if he really needed it (I don't know, a screaming baby on the boob? - hmmm) and I'd just say 60mls pls, I'll do the other side then top him up.

    I don't know why people who are supposed to be advocates for your baby don't have objective views

  7. #7

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    Oh you poor thing, nobody really tells you how hard and how painful breastfeeding can be. I spent ages in tears at one point because of the incredible pain after having to unblock a duct (it involved a needle and my nipple...............appalling stuff) and then feeding. I'm sorry you got negative comments and left hospital early - perhaps the hospital could do with some feedback on this?

    No matter what you do we know you have the health of your baby as the centre of your attention. Good luck for whatever you choose.

  8. #8

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    I'm sorry to hear that all these selfish people are affecting your first precious days with your new bub. I agree with the others people should learn to mind their own business. I had my hubby's cousins ask me how I managed to bf and in public and stuff too, as they didn't think they could do it. I simply said that everyone is different and all you can do is give it a go. The most important part at the end of the day is that both mum and bub are good.

    I think your doing a great job!! Don't let other people get you down.

  9. #9

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    Thanks for the words of encouragement I spoke to my new home care nurse today and she just said "are you breastfeeding or bottlefeeding" and I said bottle and she just said ok and kept asking questions like it was no big deal. Everytime I get them ask me I tense waiting for the "why are you bottlefeeding" interigation. I just look at Ryans little face and his massive bright eyes and feel maybe I should of perservered or tried harder and that I've failed him, damn baby blues

  10. #10

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    CM, he's content with FF and he's growing and putting on weight. FF was the choice you made, obviously not because u wanted to, but because u had to for pain reasons. Tell them to mind their own business. I had to FF Kat as my milk went the day after it came in. Litterally GONE. Went from hand expressing 100ml per BB to not even 50ml via machine the next day from both together. I tried expressing every hr between feeds, and I persevered for 6wks. It was the most stressful 6wks of my life. I never felt she was getting enough, she had reflux and would vomit back the small amount she was getting and then she'd need a FF top up of over 100ml! I was at my wits end when it was suggested she go onto FF, thickened. Best move I ever made. She gained weight and stopped screaming so much after feeds. I still found it hard and I was judged by ppl. But who the hell are they to judge me? Or you for that matter? They don't know the circumstances! Do whatever is right for you and bub and scr#w everyone who tries to tell u otherwise honey *hugs*.

  11. #11

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    As long as he is happy & healthy & you are happy than you are doing the right thing. If you are stressed coz you are trying to bf & its not working than ff. If you are relaxed & comfortable the whole world can feel better. Relax & enjoy your beautiful bub. I felt the same, but both my girls are very smart healthy & happy. I bf for at least 4 weeks with both & still felt guilty. Now I see just how smart they are - both were well advanced for their age as babies. And both are very out going, happy, healthy & smart & I don't even think about it any more.

  12. #12

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    I had almost the same thing.

    Daniel was losing weight extremely fast in hossie. I thought everything was fine because he was attaching OK and I was convinced he was feeding. When they weighed him he had lost more than 10% of his body weight. So I got put on a BP and NOTHING. Not a brass razoo....... and it never happened. I tried and tried. Although Daniel was being FF at the same time I was still trying the BF - still nothing as I was trying to EBM too. So, after about 6 weeks I just resigned myself to the fact that nothing was happening. I was on Maxalon and Ginger Beer (which, by the way, is possibly the grossest drink ever!)

    So, I went to FF completely. Boy, the comments - especially from the CHN's!! I felt like a leper.... just ridiculous.

    You are not alone. Nay sayers are part of having a child. I've discovered that if you hand a baby over to a nay sayer - who has had children but YEARS ago - they'll confess they "forget" how to even hold a baby. Well, if you've forgotten that, why should I listen to you?

  13. #13

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    CM -please don't feel that you have failed your little man. You made a very tough decision under difficult circumstances. Your son's bright eyes should tell you everything you need to know - he's happy, healthy and full of love for his mummy! I've learned the hard way that the only way to get through this mummy gig is to make a decision and then don't look back. Having said that, if you truly believe you have perhaps acted hastily, all may not be lost. I've heard of women who relactate successfully so the BF road may not be closed to you. Barb would be the best to ask here, or else contact the ABA. Just think carefully before you do, and don't let mean spirited, narrow minded, judgmental people influence your decision.

    In case you're worried you will miss out on all that fabulous bonding that BF is supposed to bring, please don't. Bottle feeding times with my DD are beautiful - depending on her mood she will snuggle right in, stroke my face, give me big milky smiles - everything the girls in my baby buddies group say their BF bubs do. The huge advantage I have is that feed times for both my DD and I are enjoyable - not the painful fight they were with BF.

  14. #14

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    just quickly (doin the on handed type here lol) my bub is almost 4 wks same thing happened to us n we went on to formula n she thrived as soon as we put her on i felt guilty to the point where i even triefd a few more times once we were home which was awful most ppl were good about it but when we went to the community health nurse she was like ohhhh its a shame ur not bfing... n those ppl are supposed to help with pnd n things grrr

  15. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by LuluHB View Post
    In case you're worried you will miss out on all that fabulous bonding that BF is supposed to bring, please don't. Bottle feeding times with my DD are beautiful - depending on her mood she will snuggle right in, stroke my face, give me big milky smiles - everything the girls in my baby buddies group say their BF bubs do. The huge advantage I have is that feed times for both my DD and I are enjoyable - not the painful fight they were with BF.
    CM - and one of the best things about FF is that dads get the bonding at feeding time too. Watching my DF feed the DS is amazing, the look on his face as he feeds him, you can watch the tension draining out of DF as he watches the gorgeous baby contentment.

  16. #16

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    Couldn't agree with you more LuluB and Kazbah. My daughter was also not putting on weight with BF. Anyhow to cut a long story short I expressed and supplemented with formula for seven weeks, all the time tormenting myself about whether to give BF one last red hot go.

    I think the best advice I would give someone is to treat your bond with your baby as the most important thing. In my case, trying to BF a baby who would scream, scratch my cracked nipples and rip my nipple shield off was not helping us bond! Nor was expressing every three hours and having to express when she wanted to play.

    Now feeds are a joy and we have LOTS of playtime.

    So CelticMoon, trust your judgement and try not to tie yourself in knots like I did. The most important thing is that you enjoy this time with your baby. That's why we have them.

  17. #17

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    I understand those horrid looks n comments hun! Em has been on a bottle since 6 weeks coz she was not able to bf and ended up in hossy for 10 days. we were given the option to bf, ebm, or formula. Formula was the best decision for my fam as we could easily increse the calories to help her catch up to what she should have been, and I would be able to spend more time with Sarah. Don't feel guilty, just make sure u r making the best decision for ur family and don't let any1 tell u that u don't know what is best 4 ur family.

    Big :hugs: hun. Be confident in ur ability to b a great mum.

  18. #18

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    I went to the dr yesterday for stomach pain. I never been told off so severely in my life. I was told I was going to have an obese asthmatic baby because he's FF and that when I came back with an obese asthmatic that needed constant hosp care she'd say "I told you so" and not to be suprised when it did happen because it WOULD and I would hate myself for the rest of my life and get PND and hurt my baby and everyone around me! I cried and cried and cried.

    I told my community nurse she's going to her boss with it to put in a complaint about it. The dr sent me crying to the hospital with bubs to give it another go and said if I didn't try then I didn't care. We got bubs on ok and it wasn't as completely agonising but still really painful, now I don't know if I should try and relactate or not because even after he was on each boob for over 30minutes he still wanted 120mls of FF. I was just starting to accept FF and now I'm a wreak I really hate myself right now...
    Last edited by LadyRaven; October 24th, 2007 at 03:05 PM. Reason: Had a dyslexic moment

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