Resettling Difficulties

My DD is 3 and 1/2 months and is generally a good sleeper, and was able to resettle herself (sometimes) during her day naps. Now she doesn't re-settle without some help from me. And when I say help, I mean I have to get her out of her cot and give her a bit of a cuddle and rock, and it's off the lullaby land for her :).

I know we're not supposed to pick them up to re-settle but I have tried everything, patting, shhhing, no eye contact (hell I even tried eye contact) gentle talking etc. Is there anything I can do to help her to re-settle without picking her up?

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I know we're not supposed to pick them up to re-settle but I have tried everything, patting, shhhing, no eye contact (hell I even tried eye contact) gentle talking etc. Is there anything I can do to help her to re-settle without picking her up?

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Can I ask why you say we're not supposed to pick them up?? Just curious to that comment tis all.

As far as what you're doing, I'd say that if she needs picking up then by all means do this. At her age she's starting to become more aware and could be looking for reassurance that you are still there when she's waking/stirring. Maybe she wants a little cuddle?? They go through all sorts of stages like this and as soon as you're used to one routine they change it up for you...lol. Anyway, I don't see a problem with what you're doing if you don't have a problem with doing it.

Dummies do wonders if you don't happen to be using one.

I want her to be able to re-settle by herself. What I'm struggling with is that she used to be able to (stopped at around 2 1/2 months) andI was able to get some rest. Unfortunatley atm, if I want her to sleep for more than 40 minutes during the day I need to rock her back to sleep after every sleep cycle. Fortunatley it doesn't take too long, but maybe I'm just being unreasonable???

Pink - DD usually only does one sleep cycle during her naps during the day - so I put her down about 1.5 hours before the next feed (she is fed 3 hourly), she sleeps for about 40 minutes (last nap was only 30 minutes today) and then she is up and ready for another feed.

So I don't think its uncommon. I don't force her to try to sleep longer - cos she sleeps through the night - and that could be why, ya know?

So no advice here - but sometimes catnaps can work in our favour ;)

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Can I ask why you say we're not supposed to pick them up?? Just curious to that comment tis all.

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I was going to ask the same thing. I always pick ds up at that age to re-settle, it was the only way. My ds re-settles himself well now. I think you should do what works for you and her, don't worry about people saying you shouldn't pick her up, you're spoiling her ect. You can't spoil a baby under 12 months. She is just a baby and babies want their mummy.

PinkLilly, I know how you are feeling about wanting some sleep. I have been in your situation when my DD was younger. And still to this day, she has trouble sleeping at times. That is associated with teething etc.

When they are really little, they just want their Mum so much, they feel so secure don't they.

I know what you mean about about re-settling herself. If only life was that easy. I tried some controlled crying but disliked it. It only upset my DD and myself.

I had to go to the doctor at one stage as I had sleep deprivation. I think it was because I was going by a controlled crying routine and I worked myself up into a "tissy" and was upset when it didn't work that well. So from there I decided to go with the flow. For a couple of months, I let my DD just sleep on me through the day, we curled up on the couch whilst she slept. She was always a co-sleeper through the night. If she cried, I would cuddle her for ages.

Just recently, she's gone into her own toddler bed! The transition was great. It all happens eventually. She is 10 months. It is hard but it does pass. I thought my DD would never sleep without me!!!

I would be giving her plenty of cuddles and just going with the flow. She will settle herself in her own time, well that's what I have experienced anyway. I would just sleep when she did so I didn't get so tired, even if it meant we went to bed together or in front of the couch.

Hugs to you...I am thinking of you and know exactly how you feel.

Thanks for all of your replies ladies. Re the picking up - that was advice from the clinic nurse (mind you, she was also the one who advised we do CC on DD - which was an absolute disaster!!!!).

Today has been really good. DD managed to sleep for 2 1/2 hours :dance: with just one little re-settle from me. The trick...I noticed that she has been drooling heaps and chewing on everything (don't think it's full on teething, but something is moving) so I put some teething gel on her gums before I put her down. Maybe that has been the problem all along? :think:

Pink, my DD has her bottom two at 4 months! It gave her a bit of trouble beforehand so maybe your DD will be an early starter too with her teeth!

Well things are getting worse. She is still waking up after every 40 min sleep cycle, and still tired (I know cause she keeps rubbing her eyes - one of her tired signs and is grizzly), and is still not sleeping well at night.

I am currently looking at the book 'no cry sleep solutions' that is recommended on this site and the advise re re-settling includes patting, rocking etc BEFORE she fully awakens. I've tried that, but she always wakes up. Can I pick her up to rock - before she fully wakes up? She NEVER re-settles with being left in the cot and patted....

Hmmm I dunno.. if I want to resettle DD I just put the dummy back in her mouth and sometimes she goes back to sleep.. sometimes.. I usually only get 40-45 minutes out of her every sleep that she has, but since we feed every 3 hours, its not a huge deal (and sometimes she will fall asleep on her bottle at the next feed).

You could always just try doing it, and if it doesn't work - strike that one off your list as well.

Keep your chin up lovey - you're doing a great job there :clap:

Hey hun.

Jesse i use to have to resettle the same way.. was the only way that worked. It wasnt until he was about 6 or 7 months that i could get him to settle on his own. Keira is the opposite.

My only suggestion other than a dummy, is perhaps some soft music. We have a FP Ocean Aquarium which plays a soft lullaby and i use/d that with both DS and DD with great success on resettling. If you havent got something like that, maybe a CD?

Sorry ladies, I forgot to mention that I already use a dummy and she has a CD player that plays some soft lullabys. Even if the dummy is still in, she still wakes up :doh:. She also feeds 4 hourly so just one 40 min sleep every 4 hours just isn't enough. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to get her down a second time in those 4 hours, but not always.

Just don't know what to do anymore :wall:.

Maybe try putting her down before you see her tired signs? I know that Miss M has a fine line between tired and able to self settle - and overtired - and its usually when she starts grizzling is when its too late and then I have to settle her..

Maybe if you put her down a bit earlier, she might stay asleep ya know cos she might put herself to sleep - if that makes sense? If she can put herself TO sleep, she might re-settle easier...

I know what I'm trying to say, but brain is mush today.....

not too mushy...I understand what you mean ;).

The thing with DD, if I try and put her down before she is ready, she isn't happy, and will tell you!!! I'm fairly quick with catching the tired signs, then it's a quick wrap, quick cuddle and then down when eyes are closed, but not asleep (cause if they are still open, she sees me and it's game over!). The whole process doesn't usually take more than 5 minutes. It's just the re-settling. She just doesn't, without help from me.

Well shes stirring now after another 40 min nap :rolleyes:.

Sorry - I have no more advice!!!! I think mine settles easier cos she sleeps on her belly so ... I dunno!!!!

Sorry mate.

Sorry Pink Lilly I lost your PM and haven't had a chance to respond.

With the 40min sleeps is she happy in between? How long is she sleeping for at night? Are you getting at least one decent block? I know some babies which sleep all night and only have short sleeps during the day and have now extended them themselves. If she is happy I would go with it, so not worth the angst. If she isn't which I imagine that's why you are writing here keep persisting, it may take a while.

Basically just keep trying the resettling at 30mins, even pick her up. As someone said you can only try it if it doesnt work you know then. I try to resettle but it doesn't always work, if he is wide awake I don't even try. I have found if I get to him before he makes a cry he goes back to sleep. That is where my baby monitor is good - if it clicks on a few times and no sound I go and check on him as he is usually stirring. I have been able to extend him this way a few times. Few quick pats and dummy back in.

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Sorry ladies, I forgot to mention that I already use a dummy and she has a CD player that plays some soft lullabys. Even if the dummy is still in, she still wakes up :doh:. She also feeds 4 hourly so just one 40 min sleep every 4 hours just isn't enough. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to get her down a second time in those 4 hours, but not always.

Just don't know what to do anymore :wall:.

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PinkLilly....like I said my DD went through a really strange stage at 4.5months. She wasn't like it for long but NOTHING I did settled her. Tried music, wrapping, dummy (didn't like it), everything you could think of. Did you get a hold of the "Wonder Weeks" book...perhaps someone in here can tell you if they go through a stage at 16 weeks??? I hope it gets better soon...

Well we have turned a corner....a BAD corner. Now she fights me EVERYTIME I try and put her down - not just to re-settle. I've tried wrapping her tighter (she was never wrapped very tightly anyway), un-wrapping her, tucking her in tightly without the wrap....you name it.

I'm in tears evertime I try and put her down. She crys constantly!!!! As soon as I start towards her room to put her down it starts. She's fighting me...

I'm sitting here just sobing...

PinkLilly - hugs.
She is of an age where these things tend to change...
DS was the same at that age - he was extremely overtired from not sleeping enough day or night. We broke the cycle by carrying him in the hug-a-bub all day (do you have one or a sling or somethign you could try?) and after a few days of 5-6 hours of sleep during the day, he began to catch up to the point where we could implement the solutions in the no-cry sleep book. It worked, for a couple of months,,... :wall: Not what you want to hear probably, but he's right back in the same hole again now.
Re resettling - do you start before she wakes up or wait till she's already stirred? Sometimes if I creep in 5 mintues before he's due to wake and put my hand on his chest his eys flutter and he sleeps on....

:hug:

I wish i was there to give you that in person!!!!

I find, if DD is seriously fighting sleep - either one of three things works -
1. I sit her up on my shoulder and burp the hell outta her;
2. I wrap her tightly and turn her inwards towards me, with her dummy stuck in her mouth and let her wear herself out by fighting and screaming against me; or
3. I put her down.

Sometimes, we have found, we have been holding her too much, and quite frankly - she's sick of us.. lol

So sometimes if she is really cranky and NOTHING seems to stop her - I just put her down next to me on the couch, and she stops grizzling..

She isn't wrapped to sleep anymore though since she sleeps on her belly...

:hug: PinkLilly I really hope it is just a short stage. DD was doing this a bit last week and a bit this week too, to put her down at night I had to wrap her really tight and hold her against me, rock her, shush her, try to keep a dummy shoved in her mouth with my breast all at the same time. She would fight for about five minutes before even calming down to a point where she could be settled. Thankfully it didn't go on for very long (touch wood) and she does sleep through the night. She is teething too and bonjela has become my best friend.
ETA - I've just put her down for a nap and she fought for about five minutes.... I put her in the rocker, with some chillout music on really quite loud and rocked it. she was crying but protesting crying, not hysterical crying. After about five minutes she went into vacant stare and then finally conked out. I guess if you know she's tired you just have to persist through the protests. Not easy though, :hug:

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Well we have turned a corner....a BAD corner. Now she fights me EVERYTIME I try and put her down - not just to re-settle. I've tried wrapping her tighter (she was never wrapped very tightly anyway), un-wrapping her, tucking her in tightly without the wrap....you name it.

I'm in tears evertime I try and put her down. She crys constantly!!!! As soon as I start towards her room to put her down it starts. She's fighting me...

I'm sitting here just sobing...

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PinkLilly, can't you just hold her whilst she sleeps? Just until she gets over this phase she is going through. Like I have said in my previous 2 posts, my DD also did this at 4.5months and I just slept with her everytime, she eventually came out of it but it will give you rest in the meantime. Do you really have to put her down in her cot at this time? You poor thing...I know exactly how you are feeling.. xx

Pixie & Mel - I do hold her against me, dummy shoved in and try to wait till the fight goes out of her...but I'm talking 30 mins! She's just super stuborn! I've also tried putting her down. She just keeps working herself up and making it hard to settle her.

Queen - I don't want to get into the habit of having to hold her while she sleeps. I think it may just set me up for more dramas later if she gets used to it.

I have called Karitane in desperation and am going to try and get a home visit from one of the volunteers for some ideas. If no luck there, a stay at the sleep centre may be in order :(

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Queen - I don't want to get into the habit of having to hold her while she sleeps. I think it may just set me up for more dramas later if she gets used to it.:(

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Fair enough, everyone is different and every family chooses to do what works for them. Well my DD co-sleep for 10 whole months and from 4.5months I slept with her for a month or so and now she goes straight into her own toddler bed, every slept through day and of a night. So it didn't set any dramas up here...best of luck though ;)

yeah 30 minutes is nuts.... that would wear me out too
Ministry of Sound on high volume while swaddled in the rocker is working on my DD at the moment :crossfingers: and if nothing else at least it drowns out the crying!
hope Karitane can help hon, GL :goodluck:

I have been there too. hun it is hard. Just depends how you want to go about it. I had up to 45mins of him crying, me there and comforting him and picking him up when he was really distressed and cuddling him to sleep. Not that gentle though but I was at the end of tether and had to do something. When he was doing the screaming in the cot thing I started rocking him to sleep but eventually he would wake when i put him down.

I have a fisher price swing thing that I hardly used have just started using it for sleeps during the day and the other day he slept for almost 2 hours. The music drove me nuts but worth it. Maybe see if you can hire one for a few weeks.

The most important thing is for you to get some rest and be able to relax cos when you get uptight they do too. When you are tired/stressed etc it is so hard to make any changes either. It requires so much strength you just can't do it. You want it too change but is too hard.


A thing to remember is it won't last forever. we had a great night last night(8.30-2, feed then till 5 then 7 then 920) prolly won't happen again but letting you know that there is hope.

At around that age, DD used to fight sleep, too. The only thing that worked was either walking her to sleep in the hug a bub. That took aroun 15 minutes, but I had to keep her in there for the remainder of her sleep or she'd wake up again. So I did that for most day sleeps. Or I could feed her to sleep but that took anything from 30 minutes to 2 hours!!! For her to be asleep enough so I could sneak out of bed. So I only did that at night time.
I didn't set myself up for struggles. Things actually got easier and easier and it ended up taking less and less time. There was a period around the 9-12 month mark where things got harder again, but that co-incided with huge developmental milestones and lots of teething, so I don't put it down to co-sleeping and other gentle methods.
We co-slept at night time full time for 6 months, then part time for another 6 months, She still comes into our bed around 5am for a feed and a snuggle and sleeps there til 7 or 8.
She took almost all her day naps in the HAB for 3 months, then partly HAB, partly my bed (sometimes with me) for another 3 months, then her cot for 3 months, and since then, she's been taking all her day naps on my bed because now she can get out safely when she wakes up (usually without me, but I wish I could afford the luxury of having a nap with her).

I hope you find a solution that works for you.
Saša