She's only 15! :(

My SIL just confided in me that she's lost her virginity :(

I'm kinda shattered, but proud she told me. It was a 'random hook up' as she put it.
She's not 16 til June. I want her on the pill or depo or something JIC, but I'm not going to go behind her back & tell her mum & I'm not going to go behind her mum's back & organise it without her knowing. I just told her she should tell her mum she's thinking about it & that she'd like to get something JIC.

A random hook up! Why does losing your virginity mean nothin these days?

I told her I'm sad for her, she doesn't understand why. I just said that if she ever needs anything at all she knows where to come.

My baby is growing up :( I've known her since she was 7. Its all happening too fast for me!

did she use protection mate? Some people just want to get rid of it (virginity) for some reason.

Random hook ups scare me - what if he HURT her? YOu poor poor thing xoxoxoxo

She should be able to go to the doctors and organise it for herself, without you needing to be involved at all.

Its very rare these days to find a girl that cares much about virginity.

It was going to happen someday and she is 18 in 2.5 years.


I hope she used protection and doesnt regret it later. I know i did and i was 14.

Yeah she used protection. She did promise me that. I just reminded her that accidents do happen no matter how careful you are.
& yes I am terrified of her getting hurt. It scares me like you wouldn't believe.

She does tell her mum everything, but things have been a bit tense lately (her age I guess), so I just wanted to make sure she did still tell her. She says she will.

I just feel like I should be there to make sure she's safe. I know she's gonna party & crap as they do, but I'm 10 hours away. I'm scared something will happen & I won't be there.

But then I guess she'll be fine without me. There are plenty of other teen girls out there surviving without me :)

I've regretted it later & I was nearly 17 & it was with XH.

its great that u care so much. Im sure she appreciates it :)

its great that u care so much. Im sure she appreciates it :)

She does I think. Thats why she told me first.
Imagine what I'll be like when my girls are that age?

Could be worse - there's girls out there that are 12 and willingly give it away. I think I was the only 15 year old in my group that still had their virginity when I was at school - and that was *cough cough* a fair few years ago...

I'm glad she feels secure enough in her relationship with you that she can confide in you.

thats great that a 15 yr old girl can confide in someone.

She's lucky she has someone that she can talk to about it!
i was 15 - look back now and wish i had of waited! and now that i have my own little girl there is NO WAY she will even look at a boy that way until she is at least 30!!! hahaha

Lol, yeah I'm glad she trusts me that much. I'm alot closer to her than my own sister.
Most of my friends were around 12 too.
Just glad she's smart enough to be careful I guess. & hoping she wasn't lying about it.


:(

she is very lucky to have you ! your right about not going behind her mums back and keeping her at arms reach is the only way when dealing with teeangers .

I wished i had waited and lost it to my hubby , or the hot older guy i used to date when i lived over seas! ;)
all my mates told my boyf at the time i wasnt a virgin , but i was so he banged away never knowing the truth! so my 1st love/relationship was all a lie :( but im sure as heck glad hes outta my life ..

1 thing i was happy about was he wasnt a random hook up , as i was so scared of being pg or catching something !! i hope she learns

my cousin was 14 and wanted to have sex to rebel ! she then wanted a baby at 15 and tried to get her boyf to agree !! she is now nearly 20 and a single mum and lets face it , puts party life before her beautiful baby boy :(

Great that she told you, I would say be careful trying to get her to tell her mum, maybe just the suggestion or she may not tell you anything in the future?? I watched a few programs lately and it seems that teens do just want to lose it these days, and oral sex is on the same level as kissing.:tmi:the trouble is they feel like they can handle it and emotionally they are'nt ready. The other thing that worries me is that if they go on the pill will they have unprotected sex? and end up with an STD or worse still AIDS (at the end of the day a baby is not the worst thing that can happen to you:oops:)!!!! or even remember to take it when they have too? my DD is 16, a friend suggest we put her on the pill JIC. She can't even remember to take her iron tablet, so I am sure if she took the pill a few hours late or even the next day she would'nt think it an issue and would consider herself protected!!!

My dd is 12 and came home fro school the other day and told me some of the girls were giving oral sex to the boys, OMG i nearly died, its just ridiculous how grown up these girls think they are these days. I find myself also lucky Skye as my dd tells me everything and lets me read her text messages etc, her friends also talk to me about certain things, but i am also aware they are only 12/13, i just hope we retain the same relationship when she has a serious boyfriend and not one that she just texts.

You should be proud she tells you stuff, but ikwym about being worried for her.

I know its young at 15, but I'm not at all surpised. My younger sisters have recently been through high school & some of the stories they have told me, its shocking. Girls are growing up wayyy to quickly these days, and its very sad that they dont realise its special to keep your virginity for the right person. I dont mean keep your legs crossed until you are 25 & married I'm not that prude, but how about not throwing it away on the first guy who comes along just because. I think its also a peer pressue/cool thing as well, everyone else is doing it so I should be too sort of thing. I'm scared for my DD!

Abb34 - Ohhh no I didnt even know what oral sex was at 12!

It was nice that she is obviously mature enough to have control over the situation and 'lose' her virginity in a mature and mindful way....and not drunk like some teens who I went to school with!

Was her sexual partner under 16 also? Not that I mind....I only ask becuase if he was 16 or over and she or he tells anyone who lets it slip, he can get done for child abuse and it obivously wasn't an abusive experience for her!

It's great that she can confide in you.

If she wants to go for the pill or etc as far as I understand she can go on without her parent's permission if she goes to the appointment to the GP by herself, at her own free will and all that. I remember my best mate in high school begging me to go with her to the GP for her first pap smear and to go on the pill because her mum didn't know and it was a littlw awkward. Wouldn't want it to come to that for your girl :-)

She will probably understand later in her life why you feel sad. Although I didn't 'lose' my virginity until 17 (which is considered 'late'), I remember the pressure in earlier high school was intense and at the time, it seems so important to 'lose' it.

Good that she was smart about it and using protection.

You said you hope she isn't lying....does she have any reason to?

I was 18 and it was with a new friend. I was one of those girls who just wanted to be rid of it. I regret it, but at the same time, I had depression and sex was my way of not being lonely.

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Abb34 - Ohhh no I didnt even know what oral sex was at 12!

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me either its very scary what they know now. At 12 i thought boys bits were gross.lol

wow that is so young :(

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me either its very scary what they know now. At 12 i thought boys bits were gross.lol

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I work at a boy's school and can safely say that they are in no way mentally mature enough for sex at 12! Still definatley boys.

:hug: Echidna.

When you are a teenager you make SO many mistakes, and no matter what your parents tell you, you dont listen! I guess this is just how we learn about the world, cant wrap our kids in cotton wool, just educate them, be there for them, be approachable & in the end hope for the best.

If I could take back many of the mistakes I made as a teenager....lol

It's so great that she could confide in you hun! You should be so proud of the relationship you have together, it's something so many teenagers lack.

As someone who was repeatedly raped and abused from the age of 5 i will be DELIGHTED if my DD loses her virginity at 15, willingly, in a situation she feels she wants to be in. Regrets are how we learn, and i certainly have my regrets about some of the situations i was in as a teen! But there is a huge difference between a daft mistake sensibly executed (she was sober and used protection!) and being the victim of a sexual crime.

Anyway, qudos to you hun, it's so great she WANTED to and COULD confide! :)

Bx

OMG my DD1 is turning 14 and this is my biggest nightmare. We have a great open relationship but I still want her to wait. She is more open minded than some kids I find today (she had gay and bi friends) but I don't want her to be so open minded.

I was 16 and did it with a long time friend who was 20 and had some experience (truth be told he was a hornbag lol) and he knew it was my 1st time. We are still friends today. I hope she chooses someone who will respect her.

That's fantastic that she told you.

Girls at my school were starting to have sex at 12 (and this was over 20 years ago) and I'd say a lot would have lost their virginity by 16. I waited till I was 19 but don't think I made a great choice of a first-time partner even at that comparatively late/mature age. The girl in our group who lost her virginity the earliest was with the guy for years. I'm not saying that underage sex is a good idea, just that being older doesn't necessarily mean you will make better decisions or have no regrets.

I think when you have fairly meaningless sex with someone you don't really care about, then you do wonder what the big deal is about sex. It's only when you do love someone that you do appreciate the difference.

Hoobley, I'm so sorry to hear what you had to go through as a child! I can understand exactly what you mean about being happy your DD lost her virginity willingly.

At least you can rest assured that she has someone she knows she's able to confide in. God, my mother made my life miserable when I was around that age, she was pretty 'sheltered' and when I approached her at 15 asking to go on the Pill because my boyfriend and I had been together well over six months, she hit the roof, told me my legs would stay shut until I had a wedding ring on my finger, and that was that.
So, I had to resort to going behind her back, using only condoms, and it was just by the grace of God that I didn't end up a teenage mum (it was his first time too and his mum's a nurse so we were both 'clean' iykwim). Mum eventually busted us, of course (well, we were doing it my bedroom right next to hers, thank God dad was away for the weekend or it wouldn't have stopped with a lecture on being 'too young'), but to this day I swear up and down I will be more open-minded and accepting of DD and give her the opportunity to confide in me when she feels she's ready. I don't regret the way I lost my virginity, or to whom I lost it (we haven't spoken in over five years but he was my first love and I don't have any regrets about losing it to him), so I think it mainly depends on how mature the individual is, how armed they are with knowledge about options, consequences and the rest, and how much of a support network they feel they have.

I agree that girls these days are growing up waaaayyy too fast (I'm terrified of DD turning out like those girls you see on TV who hand out bjs like it's nothing more than a casual pash at a party), but providing the child in question is being responsible and has some maturity about the situation, then just let her know she has your support and that you're there if she needs to talk, to ask questions, etc.
I also agree that going behind her mum's back isn't a wise course of action, if the mum finds out then she could well see you as 'encouraging' her daughter's behaviour and that will definitely put a strain on the relationship, same as if you go 'dobbing' then you'll be a traitor and lose her trust. A hard situation, but not one you can really do much about other than be there for her, try to give her as much knowledge and information as possible and allow her to be a 15-year-old who messes up on occasion.

I think it's great that she has confided in you! 15 may seem young but it doesn't suprise me at all. I went to a girls school and there was so much pressure to lose your virginity and "pick up" at parties every weekend :rolleyes:
However I was terrified of losing it! My first time was with my DP when I was 17 and we had been together in a serious relationship for about 3 months (we had "liked" each other for much longer :lol: ) and I'm so happy I waited! I have to admit, I was very anxious and worried he would be getting impatient with me :redface:

Anyway! If I have girls, I would hope that they find me approachable enough to discuss these things with and confide in me like your SIL has. I would be very proud too :)

Thanks guys :)
I'm feeling heaps better about it. Just was hoping it was a boyfriend rather than a hook up, but anyway. As I told her, I still love her, she's just my baby, thats all.
I'll survive....& so wil she, lol!

oh skye - so glad she confided in you.. 15 is young, and yes girls and boys are getting younger and younger when they have sex.
like the little boy in uk who's a father at 13 cos he had sex at 12!
media has a part in it i think.. imo it makes casual sex fun and easy and you dont have to be commited. if you watch the old movies, the man adjusted the tie and that meant they had had sex!! lol. and the actors were all in their 30s and 40s, like Gregory Peck, Rock Hudson, Marilyn Monroe, etc.

I just hope my little Poopy grows up respecting girls and treating them special and not wanting to do it with just any one. I hope he waits too. not just girls, but i think boys should wait too.
i dont want him to be sleeping w a million girls, and worse getting someone pg..
We'll teach him right and wrong, and hope he learns and respects what we teach him.
I'd be devastated if i knew my little darling was treating girls like objects.

I just hope that it was special to her...It really makes no difference if she waited or not for someone she was in a relationship with for me. And 15 seems quite normal these days unfortunately.

I have had some very special sexual experiences with 'random hook ups' in my late teens, and they are still very special to me...I may have never seen them again, one I did and it didnt work, but the experience itself was worth it.

I am glad she could talk to you about it, and hope she does talk to her mum too. Perhaps you could buy her some condoms, at least then you know she has them, and wont not buy them out of embarrassment or think that the boy will have them. then she will KNOW he actually puts one on if she gives it to him :)

Is she your hubbys sis? Does he know? (just being curious lol)

Yes its DH's sister.
Lol, no, I haven't told him & I don't plan on telling him.
We weren't together when she told me. So I think she told me so noone else in the family knew yet iykwim.

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I think it's great that she has confided in you! 15 may seem young but it doesn't suprise me at all. I went to a girls school and there was so much pressure to lose your virginity and "pick up" at parties every weekend :rolleyes:
However I was terrified of losing it! My first time was with my DP when I was 17 and we had been together in a serious relationship for about 3 months (we had "liked" each other for much longer :lol: ) and I'm so happy I waited! I have to admit, I was very anxious and worried he would be getting impatient with me :redface:

Anyway! If I have girls, I would hope that they find me approachable enough to discuss these things with and confide in me like your SIL has. I would be very proud too :)

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Gawd I made DF wait almost 12 months before we DTD ><;; I was 17 and he had just turned 18 and we both lost it to each other. Poor boy! :lol:
I must admit alot of my friends now asked me if I feel like I've missed out being with one person and if I ever wish I'd "played the field" a little more and I honestly feel that I haven't missed out on a thing.

It's great she can confide in you, I think. Gosh I do feel like I'm starting to get a little old reading all this! I can't even think back to what I knew when I was 12 but I'm pretty sure boys had cooty's still XD

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Could be worse - there's girls out there that are 12 and willingly give it away. I think I was the only 15 year old in my group that still had their virginity when I was at school - and that was *cough cough* a fair few years ago...

I'm glad she feels secure enough in her relationship with you that she can confide in you.

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totally agree with this...
i went to a girls high school and think that made it worse cause we didnt get to talk to boys all week so when it came to weekend parties we all went boy crazy, i think i was the last in my group to loose mine aswell, a few weeks before 16.

i was always pretty open with my folks, mum especially but no wayyyyy would i have told her i lost my v plates then! she got drunk about a yr later and bugged me about it and i lied and said id just recently lost them....lucky she didnt remember in the morning (or has never said anything about it since)...but im pg now so she must know ive done it HAHA

i would feel very special if someone her age confided that in me, and like another member said, at her age she should be able to go organise contraception by herself thru GP or family planning centre....whats the worst that will happen if her mum finds out shes on the pill/got condoms in her bag? YES your daughters having sex but at least she is being safe!!!
theyre gonna do it anyway so might aswell be safe!!

possibly have a sit down with her (the daughter not the mum) and let her know that now shes done it, she doesnt have to KEEP doing it...sounds silly but i never realised this and thought well ive done it, boys love it, ill just keep going, when if id thought about it or talked about it with someones whos 'been there done that', i couldve thought to myself, yes ive done it, but its under my control and I choose with who, if and when it happens again.
GL

OMG when i read the thread title i thought it was going to be about a 15year old having fallen pregnant ... then when i read that it wasn't i felt so relieved and the actual topic of concern didn't strangely seem to worry me as it would have usually :rolleyes: ...

... Reason being my childhood friend fell pregnant at 14 and had her baby just after her 15th birthday ... her life up until she was about nearly 40 was filled of a lot of regret and resentment & a fair share of envy of those of us that went on to have careers, overseas travelling, lots of youthful fun, etc ... it took her that long to get past all those negative feelings and get on to enjoy her life.

GOTHMUM your Mum reminds me of mine ... when my Mum found out about my friend mentioned above she told me (also i was 14/15) that if i was to ever fall pregnant in her words i quote "You are going to strap that baby to your back and still go to school" ... may i say that was the best contraception for me as she scared me that much i waited a bit longer before having sex ;)

I guess the one message that i think you have already done is tell your partners 15 year old sister that each time she has sex she is to use to protection because that 'one time' she doesn't her life will change forever for that 'one moment' of sexual pleasure/desire :rolleyes:

Good on you for listening and caring about her so greatly ... she is extremely lucky to have you in her life :dance:

My 14 yr old SD is sexually active with her much older boyfriend. It's not something that I condone or support and hubby is worried about becoming a grandfather in his 30's. There isn't alot that you can do though as teens think they know everything and if anyone says anything then they fly off the handle. My hubby rang SD's school to voice our concerns and they arranged a sex education class for her yr level & and information session for all the female students on where to get contraception from & what was appropriate for their age group. I also went out and got alot of brochures & magazines aimed at teens looking at contraception for the first time and first love relationships. It's quite confronting to thinking that these teens are sexually active when i was still at home making up mix tapes for my friends at 14 and didn't lose my virginity until I was 19 and married. My SD now has subscriptions to Dolly & Girlfriend because they have alot of good advice and articles on things she's not comfortable talking to us about & I want to make sure she is getting the information.

Can you menace the older BF at all Shalou? I would.

If he is much older, he needs another adult talking to him and maybe asking why he wants a much younger gf.

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possibly have a sit down with her (the daughter not the mum) and let her know that now shes done it, she doesnt have to KEEP doing it...sounds silly but i never realised this and thought well ive done it, boys love it, ill just keep going, when if id thought about it or talked about it with someones whos 'been there done that', i couldve thought to myself, yes ive done it, but its under my control and I choose with who, if and when it happens again.
GL

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OMG that is seriously the BEST bit of advice regarding teenagers and sex I have ever. heard. in my. life.
I wish somebody had told *me* that, or that I'd had the smarts to work it out myself - but as you say, once you do it (and of course the whole school knows about it), you kind of feel like there's no reason *not* to keep doing it, or that it's just expected of you from then on, because hey, you did it with so-and-so while you were dating him so why the hell not me?? (and then... you end up getting a bad rep, kwim?)
*writes that advice down for future reference when DD grows up a bit* lol :D

Shalou - My mum wouldn't even let me read those mags. I agree with you though. She never read them & assumed that they were just there to make you think doing those things was cool.

I made mine & DH's parents grand parents in their 30's :redface: They had us young too though.