Does it ever go?????

As many of you would know I had my tubes reversed before I had Vy as I knew I had made the wrong decission in getting them done in the first place the moment I woke from surgery.

So now...here I am 4 c/s, 4 extremely hard pg's and 4 beautiful children. I have my day's (we all do) and life is tough...especially having 2 with special needs....yet every now and then I feel something missing ....something that just cant be turned off.

Im so sad that I will never have another baby. I'll never feel those faint little butterflies in the early months of pg, the extrem morning sickness or the joy in peoples faces when you told them you were expecting again. I'll never see a little person rolling around, sticking a foot or hand out the side of my belly.....and then finally meeting the new person you and your parnter created together.

That smell...oh that gorgeous newborn smell and knowing that little person needed your attention 24/7. Being able to breast feed another baby...god how I wished I had been able to do that with my other children. The first smile, the look of knowing who you are. The excitment on their faces when they see you.

When does the yearning for another baby go?

I know I cant physically have anymore children, 4 c/s and one tubal reversal have made sure of that, but oh just one more baby......

Were do we draw then line...when do you know that your last baby IS your last baby?

Maz
have you gotten another opinion to say that definately you couldnt have another child physically??

i personally know people that have had 4 c/s and have been given the OK to have more. You cant turn off your maternal instinct- it is more powerful that reasoning and logic!
If you feel that strong about it- I would try and seek out more information that may be contrary to what you have been told- and what would happen if you did get pg????
I am sure there have been other women in your situation and it may be just trying to find a health care provider that can best manage your case and your previous surgery history.

You know when your family is finished and you know what it is not . . . . . .

Hugs hon
mwah

I so hear you Maz, ... i guess you could say i have battled these feelings since DP & i started trying for no#2 bub since our nearly 3year old DD was 14mths old ... i have had some days where i desperately try to place myself back in time & run through my mind how i remember those beautiful feelings of DD kicking inside me whilst pregnant felt & how it felt to have a gorgeous round belly ... i question myself if i can remember it correctly & do i remember exactly how it was, ... will i one day forget how it physically felt ... i just don't want to forget the tiniest thing like the creases in her skin on her tiny hands, how her mouth would quiver when she cried ... then the big things like how her body felt so light like a doll in my arms as a newborn, how she smelt from head to toe ... i fear one day i'm going to forget it all ... all those senses ... and photo's & DVD's of her just wont' be enough cause it's not the physical aspect of her as a baby :rolleyes:

At times i feel like i'm going through some kind of grieving process because i won't be able to experience a newborn a second time, just one more time i didn't think was much to ask as a woman wanting a second chance to experience it all again and more importantly give the gift of a sibling that my DD deserves no less than any other child. I don't know if that's a natural process to feel like i am grieving as my heart use to feel heavier but as time goes by it is becoming lighter, doesn't mean some sadness & missing her as a baby has gone away but yes, it doesn't feel as painful as it use to :rolleyes:

So, Maz i guess all i can say to you is that i so hope that there is some sort of natural instinct in us as Mother's that we can become softly okay with those yearnings & lovely feelings to not go away but just not weigh us down when we think of what we miss of them as babies but somehow turn it around at least a little and have a slight moment of yes i miss that but wow i remember that and what a memory of that i have locked away in my heart ... and lets hope that memory of that sweet baby smell is locked away with us until we are very old Mums in our twilight years ;)

... And if we ever get desperate for a little moment of them physically as a baby even in years to come at least we can always find their 1st little baby curl of hair put aside and stroke it with our same hands that placed that little locket of hair away in it's keepsake tin all those years ago when they were our sweet smelling baby :D

Hugs to you Maz :hug:... from Lorelle (and lil Cendrine) xox

i dunno the answer to that question Maz, but if i were to hazard a guess i would think it is a feeling that never goes. More a feeling you learn to live with.

Many of my older friends who have finished having children still express dissapointment/sadness at the idea of no more babies. They often talk of their youngest who may be 9 or 10 as their baby. And boy do they love a new born cuddle. ;)

Hubby's mum is 50 and she would desperately love another baby. :o She says all the time she thinks she could easily do it all again. She won't. but it is obviously something that is still with her.

:hug: to you. xxx

DET - I had my tubes removed when I had my c/s with Mateauz..my back if super knacked and my uterous is thin and scared :( PLUS I have 2 kids with disabilities that need alot of attention .... I also dont get any family help and all my friends live interstate or 100km's away from me :( so to be honest another child would probably be the straw that breaks the camels back for me...but yet I still miss it.

Smiles...oh :cry: you so hit the nail on the head. :hug: we need to have a drink together and a cry lol

ange :o your MIL what the???? WTF!!! I hope to god im over it by that stage.

Ive had alot of time to think about htis last night while je dlay next to me snoring his way to mars :rolleyes: . I missed out on so much with Mateauz being so sick in the first few months and having to do months and months of physio, doctors appointments and the sress of him living or not just sort of took the first months away from me. I think I blacked out that part of his life and now find myself yearning it and wanting to regain that time.

I love NB's...yet I find it hard to hold someone else's. Its yummy and comforting to an extent yet when you know its not your own it sadden's me. I find myself giving the baby back to their mum after 5 mins becuase it just plays on my heart strings to much :(

Ah centimental old cow I am ...blah

I have no advice Maz - but I'm always here for you with lots of :hug: and :comfort:

Maybe you feel like this because you are such an awesome earth mumma and the universe can sense that it needs more mums like you for the children hurting.... perhaps when your kids have grown up a bit you could look into fostering? Might make that hurt just a little bit better when you know you are helping a bub have a better life than they would normally

:hug:

I wish I knew the right words to say...

I don't know Maz :hug: I know I won't be having any more either and realistically, like you, more is just not feasible or possible. However, I think that longing will stay.... maybe that's why we get grandchildren? We get the joy all over again without the other stuff that goes with it ;) (of course that is a long long way off but it is something to look forward to in our old age :D )

For me I don't think it will ever totally go. But I am accepting it much better as time goes on. Giving away the first of the baby things was a huge, huge step, but I'm finding now that it was important to do that to help myself "accept" that there will be no more babies.

:hug: Maz. I hope you are also able to find a way to come to terms with this. It is difficult. And I suspect very normal.

Hon.. I dont know....:cry:

Every nappy, feed cuddle smile of Harmony's makes me just wrench inside... I want another baby....:cry:

I love pregnancy and my children sooo much, It's like a drug...

I know how you feel, and its just sad babe....:hug:

I hope it does go away, for the sake of our sanity......

Love and hugs sweets......:comfort:

Maz, I don't think it ever goes away, we just learn to live with it you know?? Pretty much every friend I have that has completed their family feels this way.

We can't go on having babies forever, so I guess at some point we all draw the line and slowly, slowly come around to the idea :hug:

Maybe try to see the more positives aspects of not having any more - like your weight loss journey (I cannot believe you've lost 7kg already! You're a machine woman!), looking forward to more time for yourself and your DH, plan a holiday or two etc etc. That's what I'd started doing before i fell prg again and thought there would be no more for me, and it did help a little.

:

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I love NB's...yet I find it hard to hold someone else's. Its yummy and comforting to an extent yet when you know its not your own it sadden's me. I find myself giving the baby back to their mum after 5 mins becuase it just plays on my heart strings to much :(

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Oh Maz. I know this feeling all to well. I have a nephew who is one month old. I have seen him twice. It is just sooo hard. I missed all that and I am envious. I feel that this uncontrollable urge to have a baby now is to re-claim what I missed with Matilda.

I am not sure if that urge with ever go but I do hope you pain fades...

:hug:

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I don't think it ever goes away

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...........i agree....i dont think it ever goes away. Im pg now with #4 and its defn, defn our last....somedays i just want to freeze time...i want this moment (i.e 29wks prg, baby kicking etc) to stay forever....i never want to let it go. I know i will never, ever be pregnant again....and yes, i feel very sad about that. But, like Willow said, i think youve got to look at what youve got and the really good points about not having any more children.....i know for me, i cannot wait to just spend time with DH again.....i cant wait to get back into my sewing, i cant wait to wear stilletos (;)(......all those things....
2 of my 3 sisters are yet to have children.....i know when they do i will yearn for another, i will feel envious, jealous and may even ponder the thought of a #5.....but thats all it will be....thoughts and wonderings. I think when im 60 yrs old i will still yearn for more.....but, you cant go on having children forever....

I figure im going to be in your possi in about 12 months time.....so hugs to you.....

Maz, if you are not done with babies, the universe will find a way. You may not birth them yourself, but you'll have them in your life somehow. Nephews, nieces, grandchildren, foster children, you have so much to offer, hun. :hug:

I am dreading reaching our last baby and knowing that'll be it. Especially since I think I'll want one more than my DH does.

I am approaching agony stage in the baby-need at the moment. DD is nearly 3 and as it's as if something's just snapped - my body is screaming that it's time for another baby. But we have to hold off a bit for a variety of reasons. It must be so much harder when you can't have another :hug:

Maz some women are just MEANT to mother. And i think you're one of them. I know this doesn't help with the physical side (that carrying and birthing another baby can't be done by you i mean) but you're obviously supposed to be around and/or to do with babies hun! Have you considered early-weeks-doula-ing? So many doula's in the UK only offer help for the first 2 weeks after birth, i would pesonally really value a doula who, like you, is an experienced mum who could come in for the first few months and help me get to grips.

Fostering is another beautiful idea. My own mum used to do emergency fostering so we'd often have babies or children just for a weekend or a few nights while something was being sorted (not all abuse cases, once w had a little boy whose mum had PND and the house had become squalid due to lack of care, social services placed the boy with us for a weekend and the woman's family came in and helped her clean the whole house up and he was taken home on the MOnday after she'd seen the GP for a counselling referral and some AD's, sometimes we got a baby between them being given up anf the adoption process being final for a few weeks, sometimes we got them when their long-term foster parents were having respite (disabled kids)).

One thing i would say to you is that the longing and love for babies you feel is a big part of you, it makes up who you are, and that's a beautiful, loving, caring, mothering person. Embrace it hun, there aren't enough women like you in the world.

Bx

I don't have an answer for you. Just understanding :hug:

We will *try* for a third *take home* baby but since having our second *take home* I am even thinking of making it four ............ DH may have something to say about that. I LOVE being pregnant despite the stress it brings for us and the thought of never getting to experience that feeling again makes me immensely sad. I know the first few weeks are hell. I know my two have driven me to distraction in the past week. But I also know how much they make my life better, fuller and more special than I could ever have imagined. And I just want to increase that feeling .........

So when do you know when you are finished ...... I have no idea :(

We are currently in the process of trying to decide whether we would have a 4th biological child, or if we would adopt. If we were to go the biological way it would be about 5 years age gap between the younger 2, if we were to adopt then who knows?

For us the decision is a health related decision. I dont want to be in so much pain when I could be out playing with my kids. I also don't have family support nearby for the times when physically I can't do the mundane things.

Oh Maz, hunny, I just wanted to offer you some big hugs :hug:

I can completely understand where you're coming from - I'm with Bec in the 'agony' side of things to have another baby... different situation, I know, but I understand the need ;)

I completely agree with the other girls - I truly think some of us are born to be mothers - I keep taking on other peoples children to try & fill the void until my next one appears :rolleyes:

Bec's idea is great in regards to the doula-ing... and perhaps short term fostering could be something to consider... but I understand what you're writing - the pregnancy, breastfeeding, etc - its so much more & when you can feel it inside that you need it... well, its a drive thats very hard to calm ;)

Big big hugs for you - and lots of love sweetheart xxx

Maz I am right there beside you! And I'm beginning to think it will never go away, I'm not in the right place to go into it right now but I so desperately want another baby it is indescribable

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Were do we draw then line...when do you know that your last baby IS your last baby?

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I would like to know the answer to that myself. Sam was our last. Then Harry was our last. Now this bub is going to be our last.

While there are ways to make sure of that, I think that for me, losing that ability would be completely unbearable. DH does not want me to have to go through what is major surgery, either. He actually thinks its horrifically unfair that the government will pay for a woman to go through all kinds of surgery as birth control, but a vasectomy - which is safer, more effective, keyhole day surgery with a shorter, less traumatic recovery time - we have to pay for that. He is not happy about it at all.

Even then, when we were ready to pay for it, he backed out because he wasn't sure he was ready to let go of the idea of another baby. That was just after Sam. If he had, we wouldn't have little Harry and its impossible to think of life without him now. To not keep going, DH and I will both be fighting extremely strong maternal/paternal urges. I don't doubt it is going to be a very long road.

How do you make that decision that there will be no more babies?

How do you cope when you just can't fall pg?

I recently said to someone in the last 20 years, I have fallen pg 3 times, unfortunately I only have two earth babies. The eldest of those is 17 next month OMG, my younger son is 12 in May. Is this the time to give up on my dreams? I have not used birth control since DS1 was about 12mo.

I have PCOS and even though I ovulate regularly, just can't seem to manage to catch that egg. DH refuses to go through further treatment - we've been as far as clomid (and tamoxifen), DS2 was a clomid baby, perhaps with something else we may be able to have another "take home" baby. I'll never know.

I work with children and one of these is only a couple of weeks older then my angel would have been had he/she survived. Somedays that is really hard.

We too, looked into foster care - a few years ago the first time - we pulled out for personal reasons, I've enquired again recently, however DH is not so sure that he wants to go ahead this time. I can cope with giving the child/ren back, but I don't know if I can cope with having no little bubs in my life. Maybe I need to wait for grandchildren (DS1 - I'm really in no rush LOL).

Maybe for some, this question is really easy to answer, but others just have this need to give, perhaps over time, this need lessens, but may never go away.