Does it ever go?????

[maz]

As many of you would know I had my tubes reversed before I had Vy as I knew I had made the wrong decission in getting them done in the first place the moment I woke from surgery.

So now...here I am 4 c/s, 4 extremely hard pg's and 4 beautiful children. I have my day's (we all do) and life is tough...especially having 2 with special needs....yet every now and then I feel something missing ....something that just cant be turned off.

Im so sad that I will never have another baby. I'll never feel those faint little butterflies in the early months of pg, the extrem morning sickness or the joy in peoples faces when you told them you were expecting again. I'll never see a little person rolling around, sticking a foot or hand out the side of my belly.....and then finally meeting the new person you and your parnter created together.

That smell...oh that gorgeous newborn smell and knowing that little person needed your attention 24/7. Being able to breast feed another baby...god how I wished I had been able to do that with my other children. The first smile, the look of knowing who you are. The excitment on their faces when they see you.

When does the yearning for another baby go?

I know I cant physically have anymore children, 4 c/s and one tubal reversal have made sure of that, but oh just one more baby......

Were do we draw then line...when do you know that your last baby IS your last baby?

[diva det]

Maz
have you gotten another opinion to say that definately you couldnt have another child physically??

i personally know people that have had 4 c/s and have been given the OK to have more. You cant turn off your maternal instinct- it is more powerful that reasoning and logic!
If you feel that strong about it- I would try and seek out more information that may be contrary to what you have been told- and what would happen if you did get pg????
I am sure there have been other women in your situation and it may be just trying to find a health care provider that can best manage your case and your previous surgery history.

You know when your family is finished and you know what it is not . . . . . .

Hugs hon
mwah

[smiles4u]

I so hear you Maz, ... i guess you could say i have battled these feelings since DP & i started trying for no#2 bub since our nearly 3year old DD was 14mths old ... i have had some days where i desperately try to place myself back in time & run through my mind how i remember those beautiful feelings of DD kicking inside me whilst pregnant felt & how it felt to have a gorgeous round belly ... i question myself if i can remember it correctly & do i remember exactly how it was, ... will i one day forget how it physically felt ... i just don't want to forget the tiniest thing like the creases in her skin on her tiny hands, how her mouth would quiver when she cried ... then the big things like how her body felt so light like a doll in my arms as a newborn, how she smelt from head to toe ... i fear one day i'm going to forget it all ... all those senses ... and photo's & DVD's of her just wont' be enough cause it's not the physical aspect of her as a baby

At times i feel like i'm going through some kind of grieving process because i won't be able to experience a newborn a second time, just one more time i didn't think was much to ask as a woman wanting a second chance to experience it all again and more importantly give the gift of a sibling that my DD deserves no less than any other child. I don't know if that's a natural process to feel like i am grieving as my heart use to feel heavier but as time goes by it is becoming lighter, doesn't mean some sadness & missing her as a baby has gone away but yes, it doesn't feel as painful as it use to

So, Maz i guess all i can say to you is that i so hope that there is some sort of natural instinct in us as Mother's that we can become softly okay with those yearnings & lovely feelings to not go away but just not weigh us down when we think of what we miss of them as babies but somehow turn it around at least a little and have a slight moment of yes i miss that but wow i remember that and what a memory of that i have locked away in my heart ... and lets hope that memory of that sweet baby smell is locked away with us until we are very old Mums in our twilight years

... And if we ever get desperate for a little moment of them physically as a baby even in years to come at least we can always find their 1st little baby curl of hair put aside and stroke it with our same hands that placed that little locket of hair away in it's keepsake tin all those years ago when they were our sweet smelling baby

Hugs to you Maz ... from Lorelle (and lil Cendrine) xox

[Junglemum]

i dunno the answer to that question Maz, but if i were to hazard a guess i would think it is a feeling that never goes. More a feeling you learn to live with.

Many of my older friends who have finished having children still express dissapointment/sadness at the idea of no more babies. They often talk of their youngest who may be 9 or 10 as their baby. And boy do they love a new born cuddle.

Hubby's mum is 50 and she would desperately love another baby. She says all the time she thinks she could easily do it all again. She won't. but it is obviously something that is still with her.

to you. xxx

[maz]

DET - I had my tubes removed when I had my c/s with Mateauz..my back if super knacked and my uterous is thin and scared PLUS I have 2 kids with disabilities that need alot of attention .... I also dont get any family help and all my friends live interstate or 100km's away from me so to be honest another child would probably be the straw that breaks the camels back for me...but yet I still miss it.

Smiles...oh you so hit the nail on the head. we need to have a drink together and a cry lol

ange your MIL what the???? WTF!!! I hope to god im over it by that stage.

Ive had alot of time to think about htis last night while je dlay next to me snoring his way to mars . I missed out on so much with Mateauz being so sick in the first few months and having to do months and months of physio, doctors appointments and the sress of him living or not just sort of took the first months away from me. I think I blacked out that part of his life and now find myself yearning it and wanting to regain that time.

I love NB's...yet I find it hard to hold someone else's. Its yummy and comforting to an extent yet when you know its not your own it sadden's me. I find myself giving the baby back to their mum after 5 mins becuase it just plays on my heart strings to much

Ah centimental old cow I am ...blah

[Arimeh]

I have no advice Maz - but I'm always here for you with lots of and

Maybe you feel like this because you are such an awesome earth mumma and the universe can sense that it needs more mums like you for the children hurting.... perhaps when your kids have grown up a bit you could look into fostering? Might make that hurt just a little bit better when you know you are helping a bub have a better life than they would normally



I wish I knew the right words to say...

[DaintreeDream]

I love NB's...yet I find it hard to hold someone else's. Its yummy and comforting to an extent yet when you know its not your own it sadden's me. I find myself giving the baby back to their mum after 5 mins becuase it just plays on my heart strings to much

Oh Maz. I know this feeling all to well. I have a nephew who is one month old. I have seen him twice. It is just sooo hard. I missed all that and I am envious. I feel that this uncontrollable urge to have a baby now is to re-claim what I missed with Matilda.

I am not sure if that urge with ever go but I do hope you pain fades...

[Inertia]

Were do we draw then line...when do you know that your last baby IS your last baby?

I would like to know the answer to that myself. Sam was our last. Then Harry was our last. Now this bub is going to be our last.

While there are ways to make sure of that, I think that for me, losing that ability would be completely unbearable. DH does not want me to have to go through what is major surgery, either. He actually thinks its horrifically unfair that the government will pay for a woman to go through all kinds of surgery as birth control, but a vasectomy - which is safer, more effective, keyhole day surgery with a shorter, less traumatic recovery time - we have to pay for that. He is not happy about it at all.

Even then, when we were ready to pay for it, he backed out because he wasn't sure he was ready to let go of the idea of another baby. That was just after Sam. If he had, we wouldn't have little Harry and its impossible to think of life without him now. To not keep going, DH and I will both be fighting extremely strong maternal/paternal urges. I don't doubt it is going to be a very long road.

[mollycat]

How do you make that decision that there will be no more babies?

How do you cope when you just can't fall pg?

I recently said to someone in the last 20 years, I have fallen pg 3 times, unfortunately I only have two earth babies. The eldest of those is 17 next month OMG, my younger son is 12 in May. Is this the time to give up on my dreams? I have not used birth control since DS1 was about 12mo.

I have PCOS and even though I ovulate regularly, just can't seem to manage to catch that egg. DH refuses to go through further treatment - we've been as far as clomid (and tamoxifen), DS2 was a clomid baby, perhaps with something else we may be able to have another "take home" baby. I'll never know.

I work with children and one of these is only a couple of weeks older then my angel would have been had he/she survived. Somedays that is really hard.

We too, looked into foster care - a few years ago the first time - we pulled out for personal reasons, I've enquired again recently, however DH is not so sure that he wants to go ahead this time. I can cope with giving the child/ren back, but I don't know if I can cope with having no little bubs in my life. Maybe I need to wait for grandchildren (DS1 - I'm really in no rush LOL).

Maybe for some, this question is really easy to answer, but others just have this need to give, perhaps over time, this need lessens, but may never go away.