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DD got an invite to a combined birthday party for 3 of the girls in her grade. The party is going to be at a hall near here and the invite states to BRING A PLATE OF FOOD TO SHARE! I find that so offensive! My gripe is that not only do I have to buy 3 presents for 3 girls, I have to send along a plate of food as well/ hmmm. Those mothers are having a nice cheap day of it aren't they?
So, do you think that is rude or am I overreacting?
Mmmm maybe. Usually for a birthday party you just rock up. It is more family get togethers/bbqs that I expect to bring a plate.
I wouldn't feel too bad about it cos I never go all out for kids b'day presents anyway. But if you are probably spending the better part of $50 then I'd be a bit cheesed about it too :)
Yeah I do really. Normally parties for kids are catered for by the parents. Especially with three mums, surely they can make an effort! If you weren't bringing presents - like to an adult party, that's a different thing to take a plate.
What THE?
Pish, they can bloody well get some food together themselves! They are hiring a hall ffs!
Totally and utterly rude. I would drop the kids off without a plate (but with gifts). Disgusting.
Or alternatively, skip the gifts and bring food instead! :p
I think that is rude as well. Those mums need a forehead slap and need to stop being so cheap! I bet the mums wouldnt like it if you got the 3 girls a combined present that they had to share!
lol....or I could just tell DD she's not going and organise something better to do.
Aaah, but social suicide?
Any other mums mention it?
Soooo rude! Esp with 3 mums organising it!
Yep I agree, very rude!
Said "bring a plate" not "bring a present". I don't have a problem, sounds a lot cheaper than buying toys.
OR... meany Rosehip... the presents for the girls can be a cheapy plastic plate each. The picnic type plate. There, you brought a plate EACH. How generous!
I lke your thinking Rosehip!
I dont think that is rude at all...I must be strange! lol
If your DD was invited to 3 seperate parties you would still have to buy 3 presents...you would also be spending your entire weekend at kids birthday's ;) what a PITA!
It will cost you all of about 5 dollars and and hour of time to make some sausage roles and whack them on a plate...not hard or expensive...or some fairy cakes....
Sorry, I think you are overreacting.
I do think its rude!! Why have a birthday party in a hall if you expect people to bring food why not use the money you would spend on a hall and buy food and have it at a big park! I wouldn't take a plate of food I would act as though I didn't realise there was a bring a plate policy :P
i replied but it disapeared!
i think its rude.. surely between the THREE mums, they can supply enough food. surely they have a combined group of friends, so its not going to be like having 3 parties in one...
i would scrimp on the gifts, buy a packet of biscuits and throw them on a paper plate..
have you spoken to any other mums about it??
I haven't spoken to any other mums about it becuase I don't finish work until 5pm, so don't get to school often.
I am seriously not going to have the time to make anything to take there, they'll have to just make do with a packet of chips from me. I am even working on the day of the party so DH will have to take her there.
I think in most cases if you are bringing a present, then bringing a plate is a bit much. I would not be impressed with such a invite, but I would probably suck it up so DD would have a good time. Just show them up by doing the right thing with your parties in the future ;)
I"m going with the minority here? I have to say I don't think I'd find it that much of an effort to grab a box of cheezels or a plate of fairy bread to send along. The presents would be bought anyway regardless of whether she was attending one party or three separate parties, so it really it saves you from making 3 plates of food if they had been separate parties then ? Maybe a little overreaction I would say. That's just my opinion though?:
I think it's rude. If you can't be bothered to host a party then don't, just have a small get together with family and close friends so that you can ask them to bring a plate and not feel tight.
Also - do you have to buy all 3 kids the same thing? What if you're child is really close to one and not the others? I think maybe the 3 kids won't feel so special too as it's not just about them iykwim...
I don't know if rude is the word that I would use for it but definitely cheap and annoying. I would be pinged about having to buy presents for 3 girls (especially if they are not all good friends with your DD - combined parties tend to create those sorts of problems) and also having to cater the thing as well.
I think LS makes a good point though - at least you don't have to trip all over the place to three seperate kids parties over a weekend.
But my argument would be that if it is not hard to organise a plate of food for a kids party, why don't the parents do it themselves . . . after all, there are 3 of them to work it out between ;)
I think you should send your DD if she wants to go. It can be hard on a kid not to go to a big social event that all their friends are going to. It's a tough one.
Just a thought - at joint parties I attended as a child, I was only given a present to give to my friend, not all the children.
For DS, I will send him with food - he has allergies so it's safer. Maybe there are many alllergy children in the class? Having said that, it's not hard to grab some nut-free stuff from the shops. If you can get dairy-free chocolate then you can get anything allergy free! And I ask Nursery if any child has an allergy when it's DS's birthday and I make a cake to ensure everyone can eat it.
I do think it's so cheap to hire a hall and if you're expected to take gifts then bringing food too is a bit muh to ask. It makes you appear cheap and yes, rude. It is rude to expect and demand people do more than they may be able to. Gift OR food, not both. That should be normal etiquette for most people (we do need that etiquette section!) so I'd go with bringing the required food but not a gift, as it wasn't explicitly stated.
the question becomes "WHY are you having to provide food at all?" - i've never been to a childrens party (or any birthday party for that matter) where a plate was requested where there hasn't been a comment about not bringing presents. i don't care if it costs you $2 for a packet of chips, that makes it 66c per parent to throw their kid a party - and it's downright rude to expect other people to fund your childs party for you. if you can't afford to pay for your own child to have a party (and really, you could get away with it for a single child for about $50 so between three families, you're looking maybe $20) - DON'T HAVE A DAMN PARTY!!:
i agree - having a combined party cos X Y and Z are best friends doesn't mean all the people invited are in their group of friends and it leaves you having to buy for children your own child may not be interested in sharing a party with (or probably wouldn't have been invited to the party of that child anyway) - you're essentially forced to spend similar on each of the three kids so as to stop any kinds of problems, where your DD may only be friends with X and would have liked to have bought them something more and nothing for the other two...:
leave it up to your DD to choose if she goes, but if she does, set a spend limit on what you'll pay and stick to it. and if you don't want to take food, don't! if the parents haven't catered, that's THEIR issue!
I personally would never throw a party for my boys and ask people to provide the food - especially school friends.
I dont agree with it and i think it is wrong to ask. I cant believe it !
If you are sending along a present for each child then that is enough expense and time spent.
If they want you to provide a plate so your child can eat they might aswell have a gold coin donation as an entry fee !
Let your DD go, cause if she misses out then its hard when they are back at school and everyone is talking about the party and she has missed out on all the fun.
I have school aged children and i know what its like to constantly be forking out for birthday parties and other school bits and pieces. Sometimes it is never ending !
Good luck - i would be annoyed if i got the invite too.
Its all about the principle as far as I'm concerned.
Its not a BBQ gathering at a friends place. Its a combined birthday for 3 separate children (and IMO you should have been invited by only one of the girls thus only brining one present, a friend of mine who has twins does this and she gets annoyed if everyone brings them both presents) and they are to bring food to share? Sorry but thats not good etiquette at all. I'd do it, but I'd also think they are extremely cheeky.
I'm all for generosity and the like...
Which leads me to part 2 here.
Is there a reason the birthdays are combined? Has something happened in one of their families you might not know about? A death, loss of income etc Are the mother banding together to help another? Coz that to me seems like that would be the only reason one would do this so that a child doesn't miss out on a super birthday, and maybe the other parents couldn't afford to do a joint birthday for this one child? I know I am totally making assumptions, but it could be charity.
I think it's the principle of the matter, since it's so easy they should do the food. You should not expect food and presents I would like to know WTF they are actually doing?
I have never been asked to bring food they are being very stingy!
Very rude
I would just say she had a tummy bug and couldn't make it or something
Maybe they are saving their money to have a big party for them self and not providing the fun stuff for the kids?? LOL
Very rude indeed...id not be buying a gift and taking food.
The mothers are all friends apparently. DD is friends with all 3 of them. I have no issue buying them all a present whatsoever.
I am copying what the invite says below:
Dear DD
You are invited to celebrate the 10th birthdays of Girls 1, 2 & 3
On ______
At 'the hall'
From 1pm-4pm
which includes afternoon tea
Please bring a plate of food to share
RSVP....Yada yada yada
So on the invite they say afternoon tea is PROVIDED yet you must bring a plate. That's what is annoying me i think.
May just be plain rude or as Cai has said maybe there is something else going on....
Would be hard for DD to miss out - if they are just being cheap/rude then at least you are not sinking to that level yourself!
Good luck
i dont think it is rude i think it is cheap of them.
Like others have said it doesnt cost much for a packet of chips and a few party things like fairy bread and cup cakes.
We r having a huge party for DD's birthday and we r supplying everything but alcohol.
i would not think to ask people to bring a plate and when you do ask you always end up with 5 of one thing that no one really eats anyways lol.
I say take presents and no food. if you get a complaint just blame it on hubby for forgetting lol
I kind of agree with both sides. Yes it does not cost much to buy a packet of chip not really a hassle.
BUT if you are having a kids party you are supposed to supply afternoon tea. I would only be buying them something very small for each child say $5 for each child and then a packet of chips for afternoon tea.
i don't understand why are they spending the money of hiring a hall but can't supply afternoon tea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nikki
Its rude... ;)
I'm with Cai & BG - its not the moeny, its the principle of it all.
To buy a loaf of bread & put some hundreds & thousands on it will cost you a few dollars... but honestly - if you're hosting a party then you pay.
It always makes me think its a little stingy on the parents part too - excluding costs, its fiddly & time consuming to 'prepare' food... chances are they could be putting all of that in the 'too hard' basket as well - let the other parents take care of it :rolleyes:
I don't care how I come across - I just wouldn't take any food.
DS has had a party every year - some years we've been more financial than others, but even years where we've been tight, he may have only had 1 or 2 friends over for a sleepover & some pizza etc.... I would still never ask for children to have to bring food.... :rolleyes:
As far as the presents go, I would still buy for the 3 of them, regardless of how close they are - out of respect for the invite to their party (which they should be putting on) you buy them a card/present out of respect to say thanks... I always buy a movie voucher from Hoyts for $11 and stick it in a card....
JMO ;)
I do think its very cheaky and i personally would never do it.
I know halls to hire in my area cost $220 apr, so maybe all their budget was spent on the hall, they could not afford food!! lol :lol:
My dd, had a joint party to attend, she knew both girls, but only one was in her class, it was held in a park, and both mums chipped in a bought food, it was only chips and lollies, but the kids spent all their time playing on the park stuff they never really ate anything.
I did get both girls gifts, and only spent $20 in total.
I find that very rude because basically those mothers are putting you in a compromising position: if you don't oblige and buy 3 presents and supply a plate of food then you are denying your daughter a good time with her friends - rather unfair in my opinion. I guess we just don't know the circumstances (financial or otherwise), but it is just a pity that if you boycott it because it is rude, the kids are the ones that lose in the end, not the mothers :(
Just want to throw this out there...
These women are providing a place for the party, plates, cups, napkins, cutlery, drinks, party bags/favours...decorations....cakes....party games (prizes for pass the parcel, whatever), music...
They are undoubtedly not relying on parents to bring ALL the food for all the children, so will be providing some food themselves, lollies, chips etc...
They are supervising all those children.
No all of things are a given at any child's birthday party, but I honestly dont see the issue with asking parents to bring a plate of fairy bread as well?
Surely we are not begrudging parents the opportunity to put on a birthday party because they need others to bring some food out of necessity?
I really think the presents are irrelevant - there is never a question of giving the children presents or not. It is a birthday party, you bring a gift. $10 is hardly breaking the bank if you only buy 1 present for the child your DD is friends with. If she s friends with all 3 and would have gone to 3 parties, then you take 3 presents.
The food OR presents thing is really silly quite frankly.
When I was a child it was the norm to ask people to bring a plate. Not hard, nor expensive - it isnt about bringing something that will feed everyone, just about contributing to the event, which I think is more than reasonable.
It is certainly not bad manners to ask someone to bring a plate, how ridiculous.
The notion that "these women are getting off with a cheap day" to me is much ruder than asking parents to bring a plate or fairy bread. It isnt cheap to throw a kids Birthday party in the first place.
Would you think it was less rude if the hosts said "sorry we cant afford to feed your child while she is at the party, so there will be no food" instead?
Just my thinking.
Ahhh thats the beauty of a democracy Lime, you're entitled to your opinion as is everyone else. But I'd hardly call someone else's opinion ridiculous :)
lol of course Cai!
Ridiculous to me was my intended implication ;) Nothing personal!
Limeslice - I guess the thing that seems so strange is that they are going to all the trouble of hiring a hall but then not providing the food themselves. As you said, it is expensive - why not have it at a park (that is free) and provide the food themselves.
I also think the invitation wording is a little strange saying that it is an afternoon tea and then asking everyone to bring a plate.
I agree, it is not a lot of work to organise a plate of fairy bread, but as I said in my last post, if it is really that easy, why don't the mum's just do it themselves? Afterall, there are 3 of them to sort it out.
I do think it is very commendable though that you share your opinion even if it does go against what everyone else says . . . that takes a lot of guts. ;)
these "children" are 10 years old - how many party games do you really think there will be? i can't recall the last time i was at a party for a child of that age where party games were the go. it's more likely to be a bit of a disco type thing - music, food, gossip and giggles. my niece is 9 this year and would be embarrassed to have party games - she wants a sleep over or disco type thing.:
the costs for all these items are being divided THREE WAYS already so the parents are getting out of it for a third of the cost of doing it solo. i can't see each "guest" getting three party bags/favours - they'll still only get one!
10 year old girls, as a rule, won't eat much. most won't eat fairy bread (that's baby/little kids food) - they'll want chips and cup cakes and things. if these parents can't split a bit of food three ways then they shouldn't have organised the party at all. let's be realistic here - they are asking EVERYONE to bring a plate to share - now, if everyone brings a plate, what necessity is there for the parents to supply anything. unless the expectation (as outlined in the "bringing a plate ettiquette" thread recently) is to not use all the food on the day. if every child invited brings a plate/packet of bikkies/bag of chips there is no way it will all be used in 3 hours - so either a heap of food goes to waste, or the parents get out of it damn cheap cos they just pack it all up, take it home, and use it for their family (yes, it's judgemental, but really??? let's be logical here!):
WHY are presents a given? as mentioned already, the children may be better friends with child X, and only barely friends with child Y and Z - and yet there will be an expectation that similar presents or presents of similar value are bought for all three. whether that means cutting back on what is bought for child X to ensure that all three get similar, or increasing money spent on children Y and Z, either way, there is going to have to be compromise either on the value of presents you would normally buy for someone special, or on your personal budget. adding food to the mix, even just a couple of dollars can, for some, really impact on the budget!:
a childrens birthday party will only cost as much as you allow it to cost. you can do a damn good childrens party without needing to spend a fortune. you don't need to do themes, you don't need to go overboard - kids don't CARE unless you encourage them to care. their favourite character might be the Bratz characters, but only if you give in and say "yup, we'll give you a Bratz party" is it going to cost you a fortune. it's just as easy to say "if we have all this stuff, you can only have a small party, if we use plain stuff, we can have more people" - kids, especially 10 year olds, know how this kinda thing works and it's only down to the parents making the decision to go overboard that children expect it. i was in Karratha for my nieces 7th birthday - we were staying with her and her parents for her birthday and made the decision to pay for her party for her as my brother wouldn't take money for anything else. yes, it was a couple of years ago now, but the costing would be similar now. getting balloons, streamers, food, cake etc for 15 kids and their parents, we spent less than $100. now, that was for one child. if there are three children but still the same number of guests, you MIGHT find, with inflation, it cost $40 to $50 per family for a similar situation. we didnt' get character plates, we just got plain old plates and guess what - the kids didn't notice. we got more expensive balloons (link-a-loons cos they're fun!), colored streamers etc - it wasn't that exxy really. as i said, a kids party is ONLY as expensive as you allow it to be, and if you choose to have an expensive party, YOU should wear the costs.:
to be honest, yeah i would! i'd prefer for someone to be open about the situation! would i judge - hell no! would i OFFER to help - probably. but making an offer to bring something and having it a condition of an invite - waaaaaaaaaaay different. this party is from 1-4 anyway - how much food do you think is needed? kids will eat what is there, but if it's not there, they're going to enjoy the reason for being there - the PARTY not the snacks!:
Im in two minds.
But for me, the big question is, are you sure they're not thinking parents will stay as well and that the 'bring a plate' is so that the parents can have afternoon tea together. It seems like a perfect occassion for parents to have a gathering as well.....?
I don't think it would annoy me if it had not included "afternoon tea included".
By saying that then contradicting it with bring a plate... that is what annoys me.
:
Aaah, see that would annoy me too! I'd have no problem taking a plate of food... but that invite is a bit.. yeah! Basically it says it includes afternoon tea if you bring it yourself ><;