there must eb one of those quilters for dummies book, like the internet for dummies book.

google wil be your friend maz
yes found the dummies book....thinking of getting it and google..OMG Ive benenon here for 2 hours tonight and my head is SPINNING

Maz - whats sort of quilt? patchwork or applique?

Spotlight have easy quilt patterns - and classes - usually for both patchwork and applique.

Sampler quilts are good for learning patchwork basics as you get lots of different blocks and learn different techniques.

However they tend to be large (the finished quilts)

I reckon your best bet would be to get a kit thats easy for beginners. You can either get just a pattern and instructions or you can get all the fabric as well.
Let me know if you want the names of some specific quilting places, but if your spotlight has a craft section then they will likley have staff who know most of the local quilters anyway.
oh hon...you have taught me so much
Id love to make and start something basic. I have questions

do I back each piece of 'patch' that I sew together?
Do I need to use wadding?
how the hell do you get all the sewn edges straight and in line???