13 Yr old Niece being secretly VIDEO TAPED.

[AnyDream]

LP Gosh this is a tricky one...everything about it screams WRONG! There sounds like there's a real "you vs us" dynamic going on which is a really hostile and unnurturing place for someone of that age. My DD is nearly 12 and yeah we have our dramatic moments (fully understand with the slamming doors etc, sounds pretty normal to me) so I'm pretty perplexed as to why the toys and eating would warrant such a level of scrutiny. Are there any concerns re eating disorders that they are trying to catch her out on, or is a just a general distrust of how she's spending her time and whether she's telling the truth? Really, if they're that uncomfortable leaving her at home by herself after school, then perhaps they should make another arrangement so she has some company and/or supervision. That is IMO a much better solution than video monitoring!!!

I really don't know what advice to give...perhaps start by discussing it with your bro and mum...try to use non-confronting language but say how horrified you yourself would have been, then maybe suggest some creative alternatives, in terms of managing her time after school (ie can some other family members or friends share that role, or maybe some of her friends have a parent at home in the afternoon).

[LiddlePixie]

I wrote a huge post as to why my mum can't help which got eaten but the short of it is, after the facebook fiasco the girlfriend barred my mum, along with anyone else (including her own family and friends) who read the comment and said something about it from seeing the (her, other 3) children, Mum has only just been allowed to see them again, To babysitt.. & of course to give them easter gifts, With us all grown up the grandchildren mean the world to mum so whilst she also thinks it's horrible she's stuck either way.

I still have some contact with her, even though she's technically not meant to see me as she walks to and from school past my house every day and she's still allowed to go to my sister's house (for as long as my sister can keep quiet - which probably wont be as long as me in the end) The problem is by seeing me it's actually making her have to lie and i hate to think what will happen if she's caught on that one.. So it's difficult.

I don't get the whole grounded for making playdough thing? Is it because she didn't tell them?

As far as i can figure it's because she was asked what she'd done that day & never mentioned making it so therefore was punished for omitting it? I don't understand it either - The again, I don't understand the whole hidden video in the first place..

secretly filming young girls is ringing great big alarm bells in my head.

I felt the same but now i really do think it's a control thing, a really awful, strange, bizzare and horrible thing, but not that sort of (perverted - for lack of a better word) thing IYKWIM.

I really am interested to know if it's legal if anyone can shed some light?..
I'm guessing it is as she's *their* child in *their* home?

[Nicambhar]

How odd is that...... regarding it being legal, unless you had a snapshot of the fb post they can just say it's surveilance/security, so I just don't know how that would go.

Sounds like something my kids stepmother would do. My kids are pretty sure they are being taped when they are talking to me on the phone. Their stepmum goes through all of their things including their phones and computers and I know they don't feel so good about that at all, so I could only imagine how they would feel if they found out they were being taped.

I'd probably call doc's like the other posters have suggested considering the past events.

Good luck, I can't imagine how much stress this is causing you.

[LiddlePixie]

I wish i could have her back to live with me but i really don't think it's possible where they're concerned, I know as soon as she's 16 she'll most definately decide to live with me but until then it's not her decision.

MD! Xo ~ Long time!

I believe they see her as "the bad influence" on the younger kids, She (and her sister) are treated so differently it hurts to watch, There are no eating disorder concerns - it's a rule that she isn't to eat after school until she's done her homework ~ Something else i think it's extreme and ridiculous because "homework" is sometimes entire assignments but have kept hushed about to keep the peace.

I want to thank everyone for your advice and opinions, It really has helped..

although i still really don't know what to do, It's so difficult - I don't want to make things even worse for her & more of a mess even though every single part of me is screaming "Tell someone, do something, help!.. Now."

[Kazbah]

DOCs won't tell them who reported it.
And the first thing they do (in VIC at least) is talk to the kid(s) in a safe place, like at school. Then they'll interview the parents. Then they'll make a decision and follow it up.

[LiddlePixie]

Yes, I think in will phone DOCs and just see what they say ~ Does anyone know if DOCs will keep me anonymous? I'm also worried about her actually finding out she's being taped as i think that will be worse, Atleast while she's oblivious to it she wont feel untrustworthy - on the other hand i want to tell her so she doesn't do anything that could get her in trouble.. I can only imagine if she by chance DID do something worse then making playdough or sneaking a snack.

[Pandora]

they should keep you anonymous. I know in Vic you can make anonymous reports to DHS..

ETA this from the DOCS website

can I make an anonymous report?

Yes you can. But it does mean we won't be able to contact you again to discuss what you've told us and we can't give you any feedback on your report.
The identity of all reporters, mandatory or not, is confidential.
Your identity, or any information which might reveal your identity (such as your address or workplace), can't be disclosed by anyone without your consent, except on rare occasions, where information about the report is crucial to court proceedings.

[LiddlePixie]

Thankyou for that - I'd like to tell them who i am so they take it more seriously (?) as i'm on record of having the girls live with me before but i just would prefer no one else know.

[LiddlePixie]

Oh after thought.. DOCs would also inform the birth mother too i would think? although she hasn't been mother of the year i do doubt that will go down peacefully.

[Fleur]

As far as i can figure it's because she was asked what she'd done that day & never mentioned making it so therefore was punished for omitting it? I don't understand it either - The again, I don't understand the whole hidden video in the first place..

Sounds even more like a control thing to me.
So, ok, maybe it's not 'perverted' but control plays a big part in abusive relationships. I'm not suggesting that your niece is being abused but I think there is definitely something 'off' about it.

The fact that she has banned your mum from seeing the kids is alarming.. another control thing? I know your mum is seeing them again, but she's too scared to voice her opinion... the whole thing stinks.

I'd give DOCS a call & see what they say.. you can stay anonymous & you'll feel better about it I think.
Best of luck

ETA - just read your last post - I'd just ask them. I don't think they would automatically contact the birth mother unless they felt there was a need?

[LiddlePixie]

That does make me feel more at ease, Thankyou Molly.

[allycat06]

Sounds like your brother definitely has some control issues, filming a 13 yo girl is wrong on so many levels!

I just wanted to pop in and say that your niece is so lucky to have an aunty like you. Sounds like she's had a very tough time being shunted from one place to another so it's good to hear at least one person is on her side.

[~*familyof3*~]

I would most def call docs in! Not only are they being controlling its seems to me its a case of mental abuse as well. Not letting a child eat until whole assessments are done......WTF...dont they know kids need food to fuel their brains if there tummies are empty their work will not be at their best. Are the other children allowed to eat before homework??

Filming for security is ok BUT the filming of a person without their CONSENT is illegal!!!!! It does not matter what the reason is. How is she going to feel if she happens to stumble across one of the cams one day??? I can pretty much guarantee she will flip out!

As for doc they wont contact the birth mother untill they are sure of whats going on the first steps are talking to the child and the childs school ect. If they think something is not right then they will do a surprise visit to her home.

I hope they get their act together before they mess this child up

[Miss.September]

Hate to see what they do if she was doing something really bad. She is 13 after all....

If it was me, I'd be asking her to come and stay with me and sell it to your brother as giving him a break and some time alone with his "delightful" girlfriend.

Sorry, not much help but she's a lucky girl to have you looking out for her.

Corelly x

[krysalyss]

Wow I am just flabbergasted at their behaviour. I agree that it rings alarm bells for me and I would contact the birth mother or DOCS too.
There is so much about this that is wrong - and talking about emotional abuse of that poor girl. Playdough for crying out loud?!?

[ElleJay]

w.t.f?!

That's just stupid! Sorry, but I have no advice, but just wanted to give you hugs

[Queen]

Hmm can you apply to have her live with you? They obvisouly do not care about her?
Hope things get better xoxoxo

[KimB]

I have just read your post and ****. I would immediately inform DOCS and I would also be asking the police is it legal for them to video tape her. If they have cams in 2 rooms how easy would it be to put one in her bedroom (just to check she is not sneaking food!!!!!!) If you can, get your mum to call DOCS to and make sure you tell her it is anonymous so she can still see them. This poor girl needs help to get out of that house now.

Please let us know how you went and any outcomes.

We are all outraged for her and you