13yo's Freedoms: DH & I disagree: HELP!

[Pretty Butterfly]

I'm with you Bath. My 13 yr old wont be doing it. Your idea of going and staying in the distance is perfect. If she thinks she is mature enough to go out like that, than she is mature enough to allow mum to go along, albeit a fair distance behind!!

There are the two extremes I guess. You go, and she's a little put out, but realises at the end of the day it wasn't so bad, and she'll prob have a great day. The other extreme is she goes alone, and god forbid, but something happens....I certainly know which one I prefer....I would also have severe concenquences for not answering the phone... but to keep her happy, maybe use text so her friends cant hear her talking to mummy??


Can you and your daughter go out for a quick hot choccie together before the big day??? A little talk about learning to grow up responsibly, and all the freedom she will earn, for helping you help her make good choices and proving to you how mature she can be. I was taught that good trusting behavour meant a little more freedom. Show her your serious about her freedom, and she just may cooperate!!


This how it is going to work out when mine get older of course!!! Yeah right!!!

[Nai]

It is a tough one Bath, I know I would rather let my DD go into the city rather than Northland too I did go into the city and roam around with friends from the age of 14 (and I was a country girl but we had a flat in Melbourne we used to come down to every second weekend). However, my Mum would also be in the city too. She would go to Myer and we would go to Heaven or Cherrylane (oooh showing my age there). We also used to go to the underage discos at the Underground from when I was 15.

Even so, I would always have a designated place and time to meet mum afterwards (if I messed up then I would never be allowed to go again). I think it is completely fair for you to go to the city as well and maybe have her check in by phone every hour. Let her know that if she messes up she won't be doing it again. I'm sure she will comply.

[JadeLil]

I agree with Nai. I would organise a place to pick her up from/meet. It is all about "trust" and I think if she breaks that "trust" well she won't be allowed to do it again!!! I would let her go and have set time for drop-off and pick-up. If she breaks any of these arrangements well she will not be going in to the city for awhile until she earns her trust and responsibility back.

[Bathsheba]

Thanks again girls for your continuing advice and support

Purplemumma: I had to laugh with your about going out for a hot choccie and a "talk". Yeah, I try that... and at the time you think you have it all sorted but it's all forgotten when they get swept up with their friends. Honestly it goes in one ear and out the other... but they trick you into thinking that you've had some impact. My DD can seem very mature and sensible when she wants something... but then DH and I check out her MySpace page and get a dose of reality... it's so Jeckyl and Hyde... and you sometimes don't actually know which one you are dealing with!

[Olive]

im with you too on this one bath! she is too young to wander on her own! stand your ground with her and DH!

[Lisa]

I agree that she is too young.
My DS is 14 in a few days, and we do a similar thing... I wander around the shops, letting him do his own thing to a certain degree. But I am sure the city of Newcastle is a little different to the city of Melbourne!!! lol.

I hope you and your DD reach a compromise soon.

[Pretty Butterfly]

I can so see my DD being the same as yours!!! Although luckly, so far, her best friend lives a little out of town, just near Adams folks, and they prefer to hang out there. They've got a pool, and cows and dogs and heaps of space.... I wonder how long that will last....

[~Jo~]

Bath my eldest dd is 14 in a few weeks and I let her go with her friends to our city of Bunbury but Id certainly feel different about her wondering the streets Perth! I think we have to enable them a certain degree of independence but it does have to come with responsibility and trust. We tend to go up and down in the trust arena with our dd. I hear you on the myspace...I think its an outlet more than anything but its one that is needing to be censored more and more!

Jo