17yo DSD Wants Rental Place - How Feasible?

[smiles4u]

Back in the old days when I was 17 I moved out of home into my own rental place.

I didn't share, I was dealing with the difficult fall-out of a dreadful family situation and desperately wanted my own space.
I ended up renting a granny flat - best decision ever! Not too $$ but I had my own space and no more flatmate dramas. If you rent privately (like a granny flat) you'd have even more leeway. The important thing would be to have good refs and be able to prove you can afford it. If a landlord is going to be ultra-picky, they probably aren't worth renting from anyway.

Moving out at 17 was a great decision for me, not just because of my family issues, but in terms of giving me space to grow, managing my own life and really becoming an adult. If she knows you are there to support her I think she's got a great safety net and she'll probably do much better. GL!

I was in a similar situation, although i was kicked out of home without a reason found my belonging in garbage bags on my parents front porch and was told by my own Mother i was to never under any circumstances to come home, not even for birthdays, Xmas ... nothing !! So my parents last saw me as teenager then the next time they saw me i was a 30years old grown woman. Very sad for them missing out on me growing up but worse that anyone's parents could abandon their own child so Fiona i couldn't speak highly enough of the way you are dealing with this, in sharing such compassion & support ... it's truely wonderful. And as Jennifer suggested why not a granny flat as that's what i first moved into, it was furnished even right down to pots & pans and rent was cheap (paid cash), they had advertised in a local paper. I felt safe living on the property of a lovely family, i had my own personal space but never felt lonely which you shouldn't feel as a teenager !!!

[fionas]

Yep, I LOVE the idea of a granny flat for her but the difficulty again is that she's only 17 so if there's a formal lease involved, she wouldn't be able to sign.

[Jennifer13]

I never had a formal lease with a granny flat rental, even when it was advertised by a RE agent at first (advertising and leasing are separate). Often, it's a cash transaction and the people renting out the granny flat are retired and would rather not be too formal about the process. They are usually good about giving rental receipts though, for rent assistance purposes. Even if it's not furnished it's not hard to get enough furniture for a small place.

[fionas]

OK, I think we have a plan. DSD is interested in doing a degree in chinese medicine/acupuncture. On the one hand this is pie in the sky given her current school performance - on the other, after talking to her today it is dawning on her that the only way into it is to finish her VCE. There are no real pathways apart from a degree or a TAFE diploma both of which require her to finish VCE. She can't do VCAL to get into it.

I need to talk to her more but I think there are a number of issues preventing her from coming to Woodend with us. The atmosphere in the house hasn't been great but that is fixable. I think she's also worried about being the 'new girl' in high school again. The final factor is that she's currently doing the wrong subjects to get into chinese medicine and she thinks that the new high school doesn't offer the courses she needs (may be wrong about this).

So, after doing some digging, I've discovered that Victoria Uni offers the degree course she's after and the requirements look doable. It also offers VCE through its TAFE arm and has all the subjects she would need to get into the degree course. AND best of all, the commute from Woodend would be doable (an hour on the train but only one train, no changes).

So I'm pretty proud of myself. Now I need to find out whether they would accept a school age student in to do VCE. I think it's normally offered to adults/mature age students. I'll phone them in the morning but does anyone know about doing VCE at Tafe as a school age student?

[PumpkinZulu]

Don't know how much it would help you, but I'm doing VCE as an adult student at an adult education provider (CAE) and there are school aged people (from 16-18) in my classes that are mainly filled with 20+ years, so maybe the same would be accepted at TAFE?

[fionas]

Ooooh, that's very promising - thanks PZ.

[Kmn]

A big part of whether she is accepted in to a program will be whether the coordinators, etc. perceive her as wanting to do it herself. So she needs to be the one phoning them for information and reading course handbooks and going to open days and asking for tours of the facilities and so on.

[fionas]

Yep, that's exactly right Kmn. We had a talk with her school coordinator the other day and he thinks she's just not mature enough for TAFE. Basically, at her school, although they have an attendance policy (no more than 5 absences or you fail), there's a safety net that you can make up the time by attending after school. Plus, they make allowances and have student welfare officers. There will be no such safety net at TAFE - you go or you don't so you really have to be self-motivated.

It was very illuminating. Basically they said she is a very unusual case in that she knows exactly how to play the system and exactly what pyschobabble to use to get her own way. I've always given her the benefit of the doubt but maybe I should have been more less accommodating.

So at the moment, I've veering towards Fiona's Bootcamp and a zero tolerance mode.

[Lulu]

She really pulled that idea out of her bum Fi.

If it's chinese, irish or hawaiian its all still medicine and requires a great deal of discipline to 1) get the scores and 2) continue the study.
As far as I know Traditional chinese medicine requires an actual stint in China.

Yeah, get yourself a cattle prod to get this kid into gear since you can't do much more

DD1 - attitude and all is going for Nursing/Midwifery after VCE and she really has her (pierced) nose to the grindstone. Gawd knows where that came from.

[fionas]

We really have to swap teenager stories Lulu over a beer (and yes, I know it's completely my own fault for not making meetups). The talk with the coordinator was very illuminating. He said it's really quite common for teenage girls to think that they're 23 and they think that they know oh so much about the world and can't believe how hard done by they are that no-one else is treating them like an adult yet. He said they normally come good in Years 13 ie. after they've left school. The penny drops. So your DD is doing well - she's figured it out ahead of schedule.

He basically said all we can do is to try to get her to attend consistently and try to get her to stay at home (she's too bloody lazy and disorganised to sort out her own place anyway). He said that there's no magic solution, there's no BIG issues and other kids have a lot more difficult circumstances but they manage to pull their finger out and attend school. DSD just looks for excuses not to and if only she concentrated her efforts on good not coming up with stories, then all would be fine. In not so many words, he said that the student counsellors waste a lot of time with her because she just uses seeing them as an excuse to get out of class.

I hate to say this but ... I think she has a lot of the personality traits of her mum

[Rivlas]

Fiona, tell the school that to be seen it must be at lunch time or after school, in other words, her free time not class time.
Many kids get to year 12 and it suddenly dawns on them what they want to do 'when they grow up" Many use the first year of Uni flunking out as they don't have the discipline to work on their own. it is either go to class and hand in work or fail.
As a parent I think these last years of school are the hardest for both the parents and students. There is so many decisions to deal with and you question each one and ask am I doing the right thing.
All the best in deciding the next step

[Lulu]

Fi don't forget DD has been out on her own for a fair while now. Paying her own way, getting home in time for curfew (which apparently can't happen for your parents) cooking every second night and cleaning too. She nearly failed exams because she didn't show up claiming how hard done by she was. She ranted about all that crap and it fell on deaf ears.
She asked for independence and got it. It was really hard for me - but sort of not, the attitude was vomit inducing but I really, truly let her go. She learnt.

I don't think you should help her financially if she moves out. Otherwise yes, not for the $$$. I think sense of entitlement with go through the roof...

[Jennifer13]

DD1 - attitude and all is going for Nursing/Midwifery after VCE and she really has her (pierced) nose to the grindstone. Gawd knows where that came from.

Parenting and genetics won through over teenaged angst in the end! I'm really impressed by the way you've handled her, Lu.

[e_p]

Fi I just wanted to clarify a few things for you (I do lots of work through C'Link with kids around your daughters age in her situation)
1. If she does decide to move out and approaches C'Link to apply for Youth Allowance as an Unreasonable to Live at Home case - an in depth assessment is done by a social worker who will interview her, and you and DH as parents as to the reasons why it is unreasonable to live at home - the rules have changed recently as there has been a big push to avoid youth homelessness and they will only recommend granting the payment if there has been serious family breakdown - if you explain the situation honestly to a C'Link social worker, I am 100% sure they will not recommend granting.
2. If I'm wrong and she does qualify, she does not need to sign a lease to receive rent assistance - there is a form her landlord signs to verify the rent she pays (e.g. lead tenant at a share house, homeowners if she is renting a granny flat).
3. There are new rules for Youth Allowance applicants which state that if the young person has not achieved VCE or equivalent and is under 21, they WILL NOT BE PAID unless she is enrolled in further study (full time or 20 hours per week) - C'Link will not pay her to look for a job only.
4. TAFE's and Uni's to my knowledge no longer receive funding (this all changed when the Youth Allowance/must be studying rules changed in the last 12 months) for students under 18 to study VCE through these institutions - schools are supposed to be engaging kids at risk of leaving school without completing year 12 in alternative programs - if that's not happening, there is a new program called Youth Connections that is receiving a lot of funding to work with these students and get them onto some kind of education/training pathway. TAFEs and Unis are in some cases still accepting students under 18 to their VCE programs, but only in extreme circumsances. I refer lots of people to the Youth Connections program and so far it is having a lot of success - if you're concerned about her not passing year 12 and dropping out, or if she needs to look at alternative entry to a chinese medicine course, they may be useful - her school should be able to give you information, if not you could attend C'Link, ask for her to be referred to the Youth Connections program (she shouldn't need to be receiving payments for this to occur).

I really hope all works out and she's able to find something she's interested in and finds her feet

HTH