I can kind of relate to your experience at least. I had DoCS arrive yesterday because my daughter told one of the teachers aides that she had kicked mummy accidentally and spilt hot coffee on the baby. Being that the school is a mandatory reporter, they simply have to call and tell them exactly what they heard - no probing. Of course when they got here they got the full story - for starters it wasn't hot, I can't drink hot coffee, most of it went on me and a few drops on the babys suits which was taken off her immediately and she was checked for burns. If she had had any she would have spent the wait for an ambulance under cold running water. Angie and I didn't get our First Aid Certs for show. I will admit it is both extremely frustrating and utterly terrifying to have two people on your doorstep questioning your ability to raise your kids while wielding the power to take off with them if they don't agree - and poor DH was taken so aback by it all that he is still brooding about it - but both they and mandatory reporters have a purpose. Some of us are just going to get caught in the crossfire over something innocent. I am not mad - nor ashamed - because of their visit. I was initially frightened because of who they are, but at the absolute worst, they could give me valuable feedback on my methods and home, and remind me I am not perfect, so to remember to continually assess how I am doing things and what can I do better.
Accidents and mistakes will happen - and so long as they are not serious then we need to use them as a lesson, not beat ourselves up or let ourselves believe it was not something that 'bad', iykwim. I was watching Harry in the shower once and he slipped so I reached out and grabbed him. He didn't fall, didn't hit his head on anything, so I fulfilled the purpose - but my fingernails left two long scratch marks on his back because I had to grab his slippery body so he wouldn't fall. I got him out of the shower, dried and dressed, and then clipped my nails. I had actually spent years trying to grow them after I finally stopped biting them. Despite having done something incredibly good - saving my child from a potential head injury - something bad happened and it was not caused by Harry slipping. I could just have easily have scratched him changing his nappy, or putting on his PJs. So they had to go.
So one thing you definitely should take from this incident is you need to sit down and take stock of how you handled it and come up with some coping strategies that will help lengthen your patience fuse. What I have next may help, I hope.
Miss L, who was the one who told the aide about the coffee incident, is a persistent nag. Now its not about the dobbing so much as the fact that she does not accept the answer. You can lose it quickly repeating your self over and over to a child who is just talking over the top of you anyway and repeating themselves in the whiniest voice possible. Be it dobbing on someone else, wanting something, trying to give you something or you being in the middle of a conversation with someone else and she has to tell you something right now. The subject doesn't matter - its the frustration of talking to a whiny brick wall.
With Lyta we are implementing a system where by she states it once, waits for a reply and accepts it. It is taking its time drumming this system into her head but in the mean time we need to keep our cools and accept that we are going to be repeating THAT a lot too! When it does become too much I simply ask her to walk away, and if she doesn't, I do. Be it outside, to the bathroom, my bedroom - I walk away and rather than count to ten, I gather my thoughts, assess what she has said, consider how important it is to her - it doesn't have to be important to me, it is to her - and then think of a better measured reply that will hopefully fix the problem. Its impossible to to that with someone repeating themselves in your ear, and even worse when there are other people wanting your attention too. Then once I have what I want to express to her in my head I will find her, sit down in the lounge room with her and discuss it on my terms. I find that when I instigate the conversation, she knows I have heard her now and she doesn't repeat anymore. Then we can teach her to assess if it is important or trivial.
I try not to discourage dobbing - in fact I don't even call it that as it has negative connotations. Its informing me. Sometimes, just sometimes, they tell me something extremely important that I would not know otherwise. I don't wish to miss out on this valuable information so that I can avoid being told Harry took the Bakugan off Sam over and over again (not because she is on repeat, but because Haz loves "b-gons").
Hope this helps.
PS: I do not believe that you threw the object at your DD at all. When you become frustrated to the point that you throw something, you don't actually think about aim at all - just the anger release you will get from doing it. Thats why we need to keep the cool head because once again - crossfire is unpleasant.
In our house the rule is "bleeding or dying other than that I dont need to know!"
Of course this is very general but its what I repeat to the boys when they come to me to tell tales. They usually walk away in a huff with me but obviously it wasnt important enough for me to know about.
I am wondering if this is the mormal cycle of a 5 yr old who starts school. My 5 yr old is a shocking dobber at the moment.
At school they get told to tell the teacher. so they do and then they come home and do the same.
I have had to tell my DS that if its not hurting him or someone else then i dont need to know. He has started o stop the nagging and will now come and tell me if its something i need to know... my 10 yr old also tends to follow suit and dob occasionaly, she is told the same if its not hurting you or someone else do i really need to know. I really dont think i need to know if someone is picking their nose
oh i just wanted to add though, that they are told that if anyone ever says dont tell your Mum and Dad or an adult that means they have to tell me straight away.
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks