Facebook. What age?

[Heaven]

Totally agree with you Rouge. The bullying things really worries me. There is just no escaping it for the poor kids these days

[wysiwyg]

Each to their own - but the writing on wall analogy confuses me as not having a FB account doesn't stop others from writing about you online?

[AnyDream]

My DD got hers when she was 14, but I supervise it pretty carefully. This means I have her login details, I periodically check her privacy settings, and have been known to do unannounced spot checks. She's a pretty sensible kid though, and we talk about the risks etc. however, we have also taken the precaution of using an alias.

@lisa, it sounds like your dd could tighten up her privacy settings. There's one in there re who can request to friend you.

[AnyDream]

ETA - re bullying, it can happen on any platform, including mobile phones, SMSing, email, anything. IMO it's better to teach our kids how to respond to something they will need to deal with as young adults anyway.

[Rouge]

No it doesn't stop it. But like DD and I talk about all the time. People are going to talk about you. It's what they do. But you don't have to fuel it or add to it.

And yes I did say it can happen on any platform which is why we've discussed phone safety. I'm sorry if I've given the impression I'm a head in the sand kind of person about this. Actually quite the opposite. And we talk about how to "use these things" all the time. She is fully aware.

And it's not just the bullying. I've seen people comment on photos of aborted babies and as a result it's come up in my feed. Or the comments about girls who have commuted suicide and trolls saying things like "good riddance" and worse. I know grown women who can't help themselves when they see stuff like this and get involved. Why would a teenager be any different? And as for privacy she and I actually have an agreement about photos of her, comments about her etc. I will not post or say anything without her permission. And she gets very offended on behalf of other kids who's parents don't show them the same courtesy.

So yes each to their own. But please don't infer that I am turning a blind eye to this or anything else because I don't see I it as a necessity in my child's life. Because that is highly inaccurate. She knows more about how social media works than some adults. Just because she doesn't use it doesn't mean she's ignorant.

[wysiwyg]

So yes each to their own. But please don't infer that I am turning a blind eye to this or anything else because I don't see I it as a necessity in my child's life. Because that is highly inaccurate. She knows more about how social media works than some adults. Just because she doesn't use it doesn't mean she's ignorant.

No inference intended - I just thought a strange analogy. I certainly didn't think your comments meant you were a head in the sand or turning a blind eye - more the opposite if anything - I am sure being a mod on this site can highlight some of the more unpleasant/difficult aspects of the online world.

[Lisa]

@lisa, it sounds like your dd could tighten up her privacy settings. There's one in there re who can request to friend you.

The friend requests were when she first joined up and we had it set to Friends of Friends and some of her sillier friends were adding random people who would then try to add my daughter.

Actually, just yesterday I was reminded to change her settings for who can message her as a boy she doesn't like from school has been messaging her trying to get her to add him.

[Rouge]

Ahhh ok. What I meant was when I was at school there would be nasty things written on walls. Then it would be covered over and after a few weeks people would forget that "Susie is frigid" and move on. These days it's more than that its nastier it's more permanent because even if you delete it there are screen shots. I read an interesting article on school yard cyber bullying and do you know what was the scariest part? It's often friends that turn on friends who are the worst.

I asked DD how she would feel if in high school people use Facebook to communicate party dates and share photos etc. how will you deal with that? She said if people want me to know they'll tell me. If not then I probably don't want to know anyway. She also reminded me that in our circle that half of the kids parents feel equally and they don't have any problems socialising.

As for messaging. I personally prefer monitored outsourced apps because you can block content and apps. You can't block iMessages to an iDevice if your apple ID is known by others.

But at the end of the day the best way to keep your kids safe is to have an open relationship and good communication. And that needs to begin when they are little so it grows into something beautiful by the time they need you the most.