Help! 8yr olds advanced questions!!

[Shellbelle]

Hi Everyone. I need your help!! My 8 yr old DD has all of a sudden starting asking all strange and wonderful questions about boys, babies, kissing, sex, you name it! I really think this is too early for her to need to know all this stuff?? Or are the younger generation wiser these days! I am so unsure about into how much detail etc in what I tell her.

She assures me nothing out of the ordinary is happening at school. She also talks of "loving" a boy in her class. I am so worried cause she is an emotional wreck, I don't think she can handle all the stuff that seems to be running through her mind!!

Has anyone else ever been through this with their daughters. PLEASE HELP....

[JoMarie]

Shellbelle - I have 2 daughters, both aged 7 and I have had a few interesting questions lately too. I think a lot of it came from pne particular girl in their class who has very open minded parents on these kinds of issues. She talks quite openly about sex and babies etc. I was shocked initially too, so I bought a book (can't remember the name right now, but will post it later) about body parts and babies, and safety stuff when it comes to letting people touch them etc. It's a hard one, as I never want them to grow up, but it is imprtant to be able to talk to them about this kind of stuff too.

[Beach Mama]

My sister has had some interesting times with her 2 DD - who are now 12 and 15, but one thing she keeps stressing to me about everything they discuss is that she keeps the lines of communication open. I guess you can be there when she needs to chat, and if she asks very specific questions about sex etc. you could turn the conversation back to her, by saying, well what do you already know? why do you want to know specifically about...? and that may make it a bit easier for you to answer her, and understand where the questions are coming from. I do this with kids at school all the time - by turning the questions around back to get them talking you find out a bit more info and then that may mean you dont need to give as much detail as you think iykwim.

It may also be a phase that is being fueled by other kids at school. It may be worth having a really casual chat to her teacher (maybe without her knowing ) to see if they HAve noticed anything with groups of students or they may have talked about something in class that may have triggered it! I know at my school we crack down pretty hard on the grade 5/6 students when the whole boyfriend/girlfriend issues come up, so they might be able to shed some light on it.
HtH! Good luck hun!

[~clover~]

My DD1 is only 5 & is starting to ask questions along these lines, but more innocently I guess. Eg - Mum how did the baby get in your belly?? I don't believe in telling her about stalks & cabbage patches & all that stuff - even though I let her believe in Santa & the Easter Bunny. I just kinda said we decided we wanted another baby & that it just went there. Then changed the subject. There's plenty of time for the rest, but hopefully not for at least 5 more years!!
She already thinks she's in love though. I talk to her about it & listen when she wants to tell me something. That way she already knows she can tell me anything. & she does. Mind you the boy she 'loves' is 6 or 7 years older & in year 6. They aren't going to get up to any mischeif. If he was younger & paying attention to her I might get worried & have a word with her. & his parents - I'll probably be an embarassing mum!

[Trillian]

I would try to fish as much out of her as you could to get an idea of why the sudden interest in these things, but at the same time, don't fob her off with vague answers. I don't mean that you have to tell her in great detail, but they know and understand more than what you think - don't assume that it would be above their heads to talk about love etc. The way I see it, it is best to come from us as the parents than some older kid with a dirty magazine kwim?

Some books I have found to be great are Dr Miriam Stoppard's "Questions Children Ask" which covers almost all the hairy questions and the answers are graded to suit different age groups. Another great book is "How did I begin?" which covers the baby question really well. You know your daughter best and know what she would be able to handle.

[Schmickers]

I don't think it's necessarily too young to begin asking questions about sex and body parts - after all, a lot of girls are starting to menstruate at age 9 and up, and she's just entering those years...

Simple, but honest answers are the best bet - if she wants more details, and you've answered her questions honestly and without embarrassment, so she knows she can trust you, she'll ask for more information when she needs it. Make sure you use the proper words for body parts - penis, vagina, vulva, etc. - teaching her these will make her a less appealing target for sexual abusers, as they tend to be drawn to less mature children; and it also makes life easier should she ever need to see a doctor about these body parts in the future.

[Shellbelle]

Thanks for your responses everyone!

Tan, I am going to speak to her teacher, I think a few of her "newish" freinds she has been hanging around the last few weeks might be leading he astray!! I forgot you were a teacher - duh! I can't believe the whole dating boy/girl thing is such a huge issue in primary school - gosh things have changed since I was at school!!!

Sherie, thanks for the books ideas. I have actually ordered a dvd "where did I come from", from e-bay, so hopefully that might be good. I haven't heard of the Miriam Stoppards one, I seem to be getting a lot of hairy questions from both my girls so that would prob be a good investment as well!!

Michael, thanks, hard to believe girls are going through puberty so young. I have been trying to answer her honestly but not sure how much exactly I should tell her.

Anyway, I think I need to get a hold of some books etc with piccies so I can explain the best I can - yikes I thought I had a few years up my sleeve!!

Thanks!

[aussienic]

ah welcome to myy world.. except i have an 8 year old son.. he has a "crush" on a girl at the moment and he thinks she likes him to but doesn't want to ask her at school

he has asked us questions on sex and we got a book from the library and told him many things except the actual act of sex. We felt he didn't need to know that A goes into B . We told him about semen ect and the womens eggs but not the actual act.. Anyways. Ethan is also a little emotional and probably a little immature compared to some of the other boys in his class maybe even naive but we told him there were certain things he simply didn't need to know just yet and that satisfied him

although the conversation we had a few weekend ago sheesh.. out of no where. We were driving in the car and he said.. I know you guys have sex !! Dh and i look at each other and said yeh and.... well why don't you doit now?? so obviously he doesn't completly know what it is yet.. oh and then he asked my DH if he had reached his sexual maturity *faint* Dh said yes Mate I have ethan replied I havent yet. i m so glad Eth couldn't see my face cus I was seriously holding back the laughter and I had tears running down my face..

Isn't this a fun age

[PlonkeeMumma]

PMSL Nic - the joys of what yet is to come for me!

It does seem quite scary the age at kids know things these days (although i remember running down my street when i was 6 shouting 'i know where babies come from, men put their P into a woman's V' - courtesy of having a girlfriend who was 3 years older than me - mortifyingly my parents still live in the same house and most of the same people still live on the same street!).

I like Miriam Stoppards' other books so think i will invest in the questions children ask one (thanks Sherie) as i'm sure it's good to be armed!!!

No advice for you Shellbelle but good luck!

Julie x