Natural consequences or bad mumma?

[beckles]

Our older boys 13 & 10 have job days, day on day off. Whoever is on his job day emptys the dishwasher, feeds the dogs, takes out the recycling and cleans the benches and makes me a cup of tea in the morning (although they both usually make me a cup of tea and are happy to do it). At night the set the table, get drinks and he is the one called on to do odd jobs for that day. They also get to sit in the front, eat the last cookie or whatever there is only one of etc. Well Tuesday morning I asked for my cup of tea and one said No and the other said it's not my job day (they were playing on the computer together). So i went and made my cup of tea and then confronted them, asking if it was too much to make their mum a cup of tea. they looked sheepishly at me and mumbled an apology but didn't make a move to rectify the situation. That night i cooked dinner and served myself, DH and oscar and sat down to eat. the boys came to the table and asked where their dinner was? I replied 'it's not my job day', so they had to serve themselves, they sat down and told them never to take me and what i do in the family for granted. They were both really sorry and the next morning i was made 2 cups of tea and offered more throughout the night.
When i told a parent at the school she thought i was a dreadful mother and too hard. She also thought i made them do too much in the house (they have to, once a week, change their own sheets, clean their bathroom, mow the lawn and each cooks dinner) I thought it to be a natural consequence. we are a family that works together and we all have to do things for each other and should do so lovingly and happily.
What do others think?
Beckles

[River]

I think you sound like an absolute role-model. You are for me. I am very interested in your chores program and will be discussing it with hubby tonight. I think your natural consequences are awesome too.

Reading your description of the chores and the event had me with a big smile on my face.

Thankyou for sharing this with me, it will change my life in yet another way. You have impacted my life in so many ways - you know I never ever use the word naughty after a post of yours about a parent in the park who upset Oscar by calling him naughty (and rewarding her child after doing so). Thankyou for that one too .

I think you are doing great, don't worry about that other parent .

[fionas]

What can I say? I think you're brilliant. I think you're teaching them responsibility and that humans shouldn't take each other for granted. Well done you. Ignore the other parent at school - they'll be the ones complaining that their 20-odd children live at home and don't lift a finger.

[Janie]

Beckles, you sound amazing You boys are going to get themselves some lucky wives one day! What are marvellous job you're doing. Don't worry about the other parent, we all do it differently

[tiggerandpooh]

honey - your house sounds exactly like mine. I am a big believer in consequences for your actions, and taking responsibility for your own behaviour.

My big kids are the same age as yours - we have two job lists, that they swap week about. they have consequences- natural, or sometimes, put in practice. their jobs are: wash dishes, dry dishes and put away, hang the washing out and bring in, fold it up, mow the lawn, pick up the dog poo, keep their room tidy, change their bedding, clean their bathroom, and toilet, tidy the play room, look after the chickens, feed the dog and cat.... so that must make me a horrible mother too!

I believe that I am teaching them to be self reliant individuals, that will know how to take care of themselves when they are in the big bad world by themselves. My dd (nearly 13) loves to cook, and often asks to cook dinner - and does most of the baking for school now (sometimes I have to kick her out of the kitchen because I LIKE to do it too!!! lol)

Tell me - this mother your told - what are her kids like?

[beckles]

River wow i'm touched, thanks so much. Thanks gals for your support as always. V the mum still carries her 10 year old's school bag - need i say more?
Beckles

[AmandaJ]

Well if your bad for making your 13 & 10 yr olds do chores, I must really be a bad mummy. My 7 & 5 yr olds have to make their beds clean their rooms and clean up outside whenever they are finished for the day, as well as take rubbish out to the wheelie bin.

I think it's teaching them to be independant and self reliant, as they get older they will get more chores, I think it's only fair. I also think the larger the family the more the older children are needed to help out around the house.

Your doing a wonderful job.

hugs xoxo

[BeautifulMadness]

i say good on ya lol not to harsh at all. more males need to be domestic lol

i think you are doing a great job

[Phteven]

beckles, more Mums should be like you
Of course children should learn how to do chores in the home. It's hardly fair to expect them to teach themselves when they reach adulthood.

[Rouge]

I would have done the EXACT same thing! Awesome mother, not dreadful!

[~Raven~]

Beckles it sounds like you are doing the best thing ever for your kids! Teaching them to be responsible for themselves, help others and to work as a team

I'll be taking a few leaves out of your book too methinks

Ignore the other parent at school - they'll be the ones complaining that their 20-odd children live at home and don't lift a finger.

I reccon!

[tiggerandpooh]

lol beckles - that is what I thought! and I bet that isn't the only thing she does....