Does your child have an imaginary friend????

[casscart]

Hi everyone


I think I might be posting in the wrong section, I didn't know where to post it actually

Well here I go, hope this makes sense, my head is not screwed on properly at the moment...


I have my younger sister here on holidays from Perth and she just caught my eldest DD who is 8 years old talking to herself. I myself haven't heard dd talking to herself until today. Apparently, my daughter told my sister that she has had an imaginary friend since she was 3. This is a big shock to me, I feel like I've done something wrong, maybe waiting too long in having another baby, I really blame myself.....I have to say, I am really freaked out about this......I have heard this can be quite normal, but I can't seem to see it that way. My sister says I'm freaking out because I watch to many horror movies etc....Maybe thats why.

My sister asked her what this imaginary friend looks like and dd said it has long hair and orange eyes....omg.....how scary does that sound! I know I should be calm about this and act like a good mother should act about this, but I didn't ever think this would happen to my children. I haven't spoken to anyone else in my family about this yet, so please forgive me if I sound terrible or out-of-control LOL. I'm sure in a few moments or so, I'll hit myself for overreacting...I'm just so scared about the thought of an imaginary friend with one of my own children.

My dd seems like a very happy 8 year old girl. Yes, she seems lonely sometimes as younger dd is still only a baby and we now live out rural, but she does go to school, has her own group of friends and has lots of animals here to play with on the property. I feel very guilty how I approached this situation at first with my dd. I did say to her not to be joking about this as mummy is scared about the orange eyes part. "How bad am I to say that to my darling 8 year old".....

I just wasn't thinking

[~clover~]

I don't think I know any kids that age, but my imaginary friend David was around til I was about 5.
DD2 has them. More than 1. She's so funny alway bossing them around & holding hands with them.
I don't know if I'd be worried just yet.
Does she have many friends at school?

[Salsa]

Yes, Ds is 5.5yrs and has talked to us aboout his 'friend' since he was about 3.
Ds is currently an only, and I belive he gets lonely too.
We have not heard of much of this 'friend' for a while, but he does still get mentioned every now and then, but not so much in a tag along kind of way.
Our Ds 'friend' has a name which most of our family and friends know.
I asked him when he was about 4.5yrs more details about his friend, because he also has started talking about his friends children coming to play sometimes - lol that freaked me a bit when there was more than one!
I asked him what his friend looked like, what he did, where did he come from etc.
It can seem a bit spooky, as Im sure like me you wonder if these imaginaries are actually spirits.
I have no advise sorry, but dont worry and dont feel guilty about it because there was such a big age gap. You cant change that.
Id probably try not to show her your scared of her friend, but show an interest, by asking some more questions about her friend. That might help you feel better just knowing more about whats happening in your daughters life. But if you show her your scared or concerned about it then she might continue to keep it underwraps from you and I think having it in the open is better for you all.

All the best.

[casscart]

I don't think I know any kids that age, but my imaginary friend David was around til I was about 5.
DD2 has them. More than 1. She's so funny alway bossing them around & holding hands with them.
I don't know if I'd be worried just yet.
Does she have many friends at school?

Thanks for your reply bjrose

She has her 3 main friends at school, one of them she sometimes has over or she goes over to her place for a few hours. She does get really upset when her friends or other kids are mean to her. I think everyone is like that when others are being mean, but she does dwell on it a lot more and a lot longer then I expected a child at her age would.

So is it quite normal for a child to play and talk with an imaginary person? I'm feeling quite bad about the way I have behaved regarding this issue. I think it was the 'ORANGE Eyes' thing that made me freak out more then the whole 'IMAGINARY friend' issue.

[Curly]

My imaginary friend Jenny was around till I went to pre-school at the age of 4 and met a real Jenny. Mum said she never heard about imaginary Jenny ever again and thank goodness for that, Jenny drove her mad! Apparently she would have to pretend to wash Jenny in the bath, set a plate at the table for Jenny (she drew the line at putting food on it!), while I sat on half the chair because Jenny was on the other half. Jenny would sleep in bed with me etc etc. I have no memory of it though!

However she did say that she never ever made any negative comments about it or say that Jenny didn't exist or let anyone else do that because she thought it would be harmful emotionally. I was an only child for quite a while because my parents couldn't get pregnant easily and I believe it was partly for company and partly through a child's fertile imagination that Jenny was around.

I wouldn't worry - what a great imagination your DD has. It is very normal. Don't fret about your initial comments either - while I wouldn't encourage imaginary friends I wouldn't discourage them either...it's just a stage, it gives her comfort, and she will grow out of it. Allow her to talk about her friend - it keeps the lines of communication open.

[casscart]

Thanks for the feedback everyone, it really does help to get your opinion on this. LOL I have settled down now and know I sometimes overreact with issues that I have no knowledge on.

Thanks for your feedback CourtRach Maybe I came across a bit crazy in my post on this, I shouldn't just jump on here until I've actually had a cuppa and a sit-down LOL. But I think its so much more pleasnt and I get better feedback from you guys on BB then I do from family. I'm going to take up your advice on asking my dd to sit down with me and draw a picture of her friend and chatting with her.

Salsa, thank you also. I know what you mean about the spirit thing hehe....It did cross my mind more then once today as I do believe in spirits. I had a friend tell me about her mothers siblings having a spirit child playing with them....Here I go again, 'horror stories'

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

OK, I'm a nutcase, but I had imaginary friends as a teenager. I still would like one! Maybe do what DS does and just talk to one of his phones without a reply.

It's not only normal and healthy, it's a good sign. Your child has a good imagination! This means she isn't going to be "bored" and therefore destructive. A good imagination often signals high intelligence (keep telling myself that...) and she'll be a GREAT storyteller to her little sister in a few years: I've had a phone call from one lad I used to know, he was 17 and heard that I'd told his nephew a story I used to tell him but it was a NEW one so I had to tell it to him!

It can be that your child is lonely, but I had loads of physical friends, just none on my intellectual level (I was really into intellectual/word humour from age 2-3, most children aren't then) and when the others caught up and I had "brainy" friends who enjoyed my fantasy land my imaginary friends just went. I had a new set as a teenager because I needed someone to love me and I needed to talk to someone; I had no-one else. I knew these were imaginary friends and not real, but it was nice to pretend someone was there just for me and I didn't have to worry about them back. But I did - one had a blind sister, another was fighting with his dad, another was an orphan and lived with her grandma... but still, they were there for me and not offloading all the time.

HTH.

[~clover~]

I just remembered that DD1 had a few times - not many - where she'd pretend to play with someone else. Not a friend exactly, she just pretended that someone else was there.
DH didn't like it as it wasn't real. The same as when she'd crawl around barking like a dog. He used to tell her to knock it off. I'd have to sit & explain to him that its normal & healthy to do those things & that I never want him telling her to stop again as I didn't want to discourage her imagination.
To me thats the most important thing a child has & something they need as an adult. Not quite so out there as an adult I hope, but I want them to be able to think on the spot & I think that helps.

Don't worry too much as it'll probably help her when there are problems with friends at school.

[Chocaholic]

OK, you are scaring yourself so STOP!! Calm down! I agree with your sister about the horror movies. It is not unusual IMO and doesn't mean she is going to be a deranged serial killer! I had an imaginary friend as a child, so did my sister who is 2 years older than me. It was something we used to construct games around when we were on our own or even together. It was fun!

I don't think having an imaginary friend is wrong or strange. After all, she knows this friend is imaginary, not real! It is just an outlet for when she is playing on her own. An imagination is a good thing IMO. She is only a child and it is one of her best assets. At least she isn't relying on the TV or video games to keep her amused.

Once you have calmed down, talk to her about it. Ask her to draw a picture of her friend. Ask questions about when does she play with it. Find out some info. That could ease your mind as well and will give you some additional info if you want to take it further.

I can't help you deal with it or give you any tips but if you are that worried, then talk to your GP about a referral to a psychologist.

However, breathe deep. You are a great mum so give yourself a break if you don't handle things in a perfect manner every time. There is no 'perfect' answer.