Teen Drama Queen - Is It Because She Thinks She's Boring?

[Curly]

It's attention seeking. She is desperately seeking reassurance that people care about her. Boring she may or may not be...I'd say she doesn't know who she is yet and doesn't have a strong sense of her own identity as a person or much in the way of a sense of self-worth.

It is emotional neediness that is causing this behaviour. Same with your daughter's friend, Lulu. She is frightened nobody likes her and that she doesn't have any true friends.

[Lulu]

Distinct possibility Curly - however it gets hard on those around them.

My DD's friend seemed to get more and more possessive no matter how much reassurance she received. The big fuss at DD's party for example was that she carried on like a pork chop (in the middle of everyone having a ball) because she thought she wasn't invited to stay overnight (only 2 girls were allowed to stay over after the party) and she was.
One of the reasons she did get the invite to stay was because she seemed rather sensitive and I pushed for DD to invite her...for this reason.
They had quite a big group of friends at the time, and the behaviour was escalating. Even after all the fuss was resolved she kept stepping it up. DD was getting tired of it, everyone else was tired of it because as much as people made an effort for her not to feel left out it was never enough.

I felt for this girl (being a teen is hard) and I could see the effort my DD made for her, and also how it was being thrown back in her face when she got nastier and nastier.

DD left that school shortly after (not because of this) to go to another one and was quite relieved to leave it all behind.

[Inanna]

Well my DD14 is a drama queen & it is a damn difficult behaviour to deal with. Fiona the way your DSD dealt with this is so mature & loving. Good on her - she did just what was needed.

My daughter lives in constant chaos and constant drama. She has ASD which doesn't help with the chaotic side - & I suspect she creates drama as a way to feel like she fits in. She struggles desperately with being liked and likeable.

I try (and fail miserably at times) to not be pulled into her dramas. She is always late, disorganised, someone is looking at her the wrong way, spoke to her the wrong way, is jealous of her...

I use language like: "so you see it as Amy is criticising your jeans because she stared at you"? "Could it be that she was day dreaming & you were in her gaze?" "Could it be that she liked your jeans & was wondering what brand they were?"... etc etc
It is exhausting & I get absolutely spent from the behaviour. So my empathy goes to this childs Mama Fiona... It's hellish..

The key is to remain calm & unmoved by her dramatic behaviour... That is hard but the more reaction she gets the more she will act out... (in my experience at least)

It is hard because I literally take little notice of most of what DD says...

She can't set the table without dramatically tripping, falling, spilling etc etc. I don't react to anything bar behaviour that I want to enforce.

[~Kaz~]

Inanna - just want to offer you a massive It is hard to live with behaviour like that. I hope you don't mind my asking (ignore if you do) what does ASD stand for?

It does sound like you're doing all you can by reinforcing non-dramatic behaviour and reality testing with her.

[Inanna]

Autistic spectrum disorder Kaz. She has Aspergers.

[Curly]

Distinct possibility Curly - however it gets hard on those around them.

My DD's friend seemed to get more and more possessive no matter how much reassurance she received.

I totally agree. It is extremely wearing being around people who think that if they can get people to feel sorry for them that it will get them love. People like this need to be sat down and gently told that their approach isn't getting them what they want because it can years, even decades, to figure it out.

I'd say the mother of your DD's friend is aware, at least on some level, of how unpopular her daughter feels which was why she contacted you to try and salvage the friendship. What an uncomfortable position for both of you to be in

As you may have guessed I have some personal experience in this area with people like this but not going into details because I think I am being cyber-stalked.