i'd be going the hard high road of actions have consequences Bathsheba. phone and internet priviledges are just that - priviledges! not a given. Grounded from doing things as a consequence of not performing well at school, means grounded - not having all and sundry over to eat you out of house and home. Sorry to be so blunt but she is taking you for a ride my dear. She is treating you disrepectfully. Would you allow a complete stranger to treat you disrespectfully?

I'm probably coming across very harsh - and that has alot to do with my own feeling frustration at my own children at the moment-the 13 nearly 14yo dd, and 11yo ds - the attitude of ingratitude is driving me mental. The expectation of if you stick your hand out something gets put in it, drives me insane. By the time I was your daughters age I had a part time job, and was paying for my clothes, and extras, like haircuts, hair products and like.

I often find that best reaction I get is when I say what needs to be said, calmly, and explain that I'm disappointed in the behaviour. set the consequences, and then move on. good luck with it. I feel your frustration.... believe me!