Somewhere in between I think is good. It's good to give them space, but don't pull too far back.

I remember being alternately proud of and embarrassed by my mother as a teen, and I'm pretty sure my kids have the same capacity it's part of growing and developing a separate identity. It's also fairly individual to the child. My eldest daughter was much more independant than my eldest son.

For things like tomorrow when you can stay or go, ask her what she would like you to do. Tell her it's okay if she wants you to go, and that you are happy to stay - her choice. If it were me, I would pose the question as 'I have x,y,z to do - will I do it while you are at (activity) or do you want to come with me afterwards if I wait for you?' - something like that, that takes the pressure off, if she is feeling guilty about wanting space and makes it about what you are doing, not her, if that makes sense.

As for stuff like 'you came to the classroom when you didn't have to' - with my kids I'd probably laugh it off & tell them to get over it, to be honest. In a loving way. And you know your child - what is okay and not okay with her. But I don't buy in too much to the teenage (or in your case, pre-teen, which can be worse!) angst. Give them an inch and they will run a mile with that, lol.