Nobody wants to play with him -LOOONG

[Turkish Delight]

I have not been able to make an appt with the Principal as yet but i am working on it.

DS told me that his teacher took both my son and the boys involved into another room and spoke to them about what happened was not right etc.. My DS was found to be in the wrong, but the kid who took the money was not! The teacher asked the boy as to what he did with the money and he declared that he went and bought his mum a gift from the mother's day stall I was so upset.

what i don't get is wouldn't you as a mother ask your child where he got the money for to buy you a gift??

How do i argue my case at school when my DS is found to be in the wrong.

Aaaaaaaagh. I really don't know.

[Pretty Butterfly]

I would speak to his teacher, and find out why she thinks your son is in the wrong. You need all the facts.

Then take them to the principal, and make him do something about it!!!

[Marlene]

I just found this thread and it has me in tears...your poor little man, my heart is breaking for him...and you.

I would definitely be trying to find out WHY the teacher is saying your DS is in the wrong, that is just so unfair! Are there any older kids you know from the school who could be his 'buddy' and keep an eye out for him at school.

[Turkish Delight]

I guess they think that he is in the wrong because he offered them the money. He is only 7 and just turned 7 too. But the others are 8-9 yo, they should not have accepted it.

I will ask the school about a buddy system. Does it work?

He has started having an attitude at home too. I guess it all stems from school.

[Just Me]

that is just so sad. I am still not sure how the teacher holds your son responsible for that situation and really it should be the school's responsibility on days when kids bring money for special things to make sure that it is looked after because it does cause so many problems.

If the school is a public school (or even a Catholic school) they should have an anti-bullying policy. You should ask for a copy of it and find out exactly what is says and the school's strategies for managing bullying in the playground. At least this way when you do talk to the principal you can be prepared for how the school says it manages bullying behaviour on paper and if you feel that their system is not happening, address this with the principal.

If the school is a state one or a Catholic school, there is also a good chance they would have an AVT (advisory visiting teacher) for different areas. If your son has been excelerated through a grade, really he should have an AVT or Guidance Officer who is his case manager who is meant to be addressing issues like this one where he is having difficulty fitting in socially with the other kids because he is younger than they are. They should be able to look at a playtime management strategy for him to ensure that his needs are being met socially with kids his own age. An AVT or GO should also be able to do some work with him on self-protective behaviours to help him deal with times when he may get bullied. Self protective behaviours are teaching when something doesn't feel right (and identifying when something doesn't feel right - kids often can't identify this until they are older), how to say no and then how to get help. They should also be able to do some self esteem building activities with him.

I don't know how much any of that helps, but they are the sorts of things that I would be asking the principal about. If your DS has a case manager because has been accelerated, they should also be invited to this meeting.

If you are unsatisfied with the outcomes and you are in a Catholic school or state school, you can take your concerns higher. Also if the principal is evasive about meeting with you, take your concerns to the Catholic diocese or Education Department for your state. They won't ignore your concerns if you put them in writing.

Sorry, I don't know much about independent schools and if your son is enroled in an independent school you can still ask about all the things I have said, but they don't work on systems the way that larger organisations do and each school is a bit more of law unto itself.

One warning about gifted and talented kids - you would think that they would be the teacher's favourites, but for some teachers G & T kids represent a lot of extra work trying to provide enough stimulation for them and trying to keep one step ahead of them. For this reason, teachers can take things out on G & T kids just because they are frustrated with them always needing so much more than the other kids in the class. I am not sure if that is what is going on with this teacher, but it is something to be aware of now and in the coming years.

I hope that things get sorted out soon for your DS. It is a really tough situation that he is in.

[Turkish Delight]

He goes to an independant school. They have a psychcologist at his school and we had a meeting late last year about DS and his G&T situation. They have done nothing about a gifted policy or any other kids in his situation. I have been told though that they do favour their own children when it comes to extending curriculum for them. In this meeting, not only will i bring up this current situation but also our meeting last year and that i haven't seen any progress. I was kept on being told that my child was not the only gifted one.

I so agree about taking money school. In our days, we used to taken to the Mother's day during class time and first thing too. With DS's school he needs to go during lunch or recess. i will definitely bring this point up (thanks )

About the Guidance Officer, i will ask for one (thanks ). You would think they would nurture these kids to bring out their best, but i too think that they are a burden on the school as they need so much more attention than regular kids. i will ask the school if he is a burden and will take him out ASAP.

I was told only yesterday how lucky i was to have a gifted child and i told them that i was not lucky at all and how much work it takes to raise them. Everybody thinks its so easy, but honestly i am tired and have run into a dead end on how to handle him and his situation. I would give anything to have a normal well balanced child. My DD is also showing signs of giftedness too

Pretty Butterfly - i agree with you. If DS was given money he too would run straight to the canteen to gorge out, but this kid going and buying his mother a gift really made me even more mad.

[Pretty Butterfly]

Pretty Butterfly - i agree with you. If DS was given money he too would run straight to the canteen to gorge out, but this kid going and buying his mother a gift really made me even more mad.

Definatly!! The mum needs a kick up the pants too, she's gotta know it wasn't her money used!!!

[cocobambino]

Hun, I didnt even make an appointment, he was always "busy" just bust on down there and demand to see him, I went in the morning when i dropped miah off, there is no way he is busy at that time, u gotta show them u mean business,

PUT SOMETHING IN YOUR BUDGET FOR BULLY AWARENESS RUDD GIVE THE SCHOOLS MORE RESOURCES

[AnyDream]

Hi TD - my DD had some problems at her last school, started with difficulty making friends and grew into a full-blown harrassment scenario.

These are the things that we did that helped:
* Booked regular meetings with class teacher - asked her to instigate a buddy-system within the class and tweak seating arrangements
* Booked meeting with vice-principle - she held a round meeting with the class to iron out the harrassment problem & also gave a chance for other chn to voice the problems they were having with my DD (ie she was unwittingly annoying her classmates by singing to herself during work time LOL and needed to be made aware of the ways she was p*ssing them off).
* Joined Guides Australia - this was the single most important thing we did - it gave DD a community of supportive peers and nourished her socially when things were off at school. You could try a group like scouts or a church-based group depending on what is available locally
* Ultimately though, what helped the most was a move to a new school. This coincided with an interstate move but had we stayed there we would've given it serious consideration. Now DD is in a catholic school and she says the students are much kinder and more considerate generally - plus a lot of things that were social issues at the old school (what clothes, phone, games, etc you have) are not an issue here because of the strict school rules. Something to think about anyway.

Good luck, there is no simple solution - you will have to keep vigilant and keep raising it until it is resolved and then keep an eye on it anyway.

[Pretty Butterfly]

I guess they think that he is in the wrong because he offered them the money. He is only 7 and just turned 7 too. But the others are 8-9 yo, they should not have accepted it.

I will ask the school about a buddy system. Does it work?

He has started having an attitude at home too. I guess it all stems from school.

Oh babe, I feel your frustration....


My 11, 12 yr olds would never of taken the money, but my 8 yr old would of grabbed it and ran to the tuck shop I'm afraid... he would of thought it was christmas, and not second guessed it....

Our school has a buddy system and its great. Also a zero tolerance on bullying. But we are lucky, our school is on 2 campuses.
Kinder -2 on one, 3-6 on another. Although your son would be at the big campsus anyway, it helps keep little kids from the really big ones!!

Also ask if there a few "nice" boys that could hang with him.... usually within a few weeks they end up friends too....