50/50 share care?

[Persephone1]

I agree with Lu, asking the kids might get one answer, but it's actually got very little to do with what the kids want. What is best for them is often a different thing altogether. Would you ask them if they would like ice cream for dinner? The decision has to be about what is best for them (and that includes whether the driving, to and fro-ing, etc causes stress for them and their parents), not what they want. PARENTS make those decisions, not kids. But I get from what you're saying that you wouldn't do it unless it was best for them anyway.

[C~Q]

Yeah it's more like I won't do it if they hate the idea, than I will do it if they love the idea. But I really don't see the relevence to offering them a bad choice for dinner is the same as them spending more time with their father.

Depending on numbers and things I think I can survive financially without any CS from him, I haven't factored in the debt but then I think I will be getting some CS still so that should balance out. Plus if he wouldn't go back to 50/50 then I would be able to pick up extra reception shifts at the gym that I wouldn't be able to do if I had the kids...But I think if we do do it then it will be for a trial period first and with the condition we go back if one of us isn't happy.

The driving shouldn't be a problem as i'll only be driving up and back once a week...pretty much what i do now :/

I don't know...this is the thing...i'm speculating now. I'm gathering information to make an informed decision that we are all involved in. It's just one of a few options but by far the most beneficial I can see to everyone.

[Lulu]

When is the first lot of school holidays up there? That might be a good time to trial this if you decided to go this way.

[C~Q]

Yeah it's more like I won't do it if they hate the idea, than I will do it if they love the idea. But I really don't see the relevence to offering them a bad choice for dinner is the same as them spending more time with their father.
.

Persephone, I want to apologise for my tone saying this...I do understand what you were saying and I was being narky...i'm sorry

Lu, do you mean them staying with him in the hols? They stayed with him for 6 days this xmas hols...but it was a holiday, not the same as actually living with him I think.

[PollyA]

You know your kids and the situation better than anyone.
I have a good male friend who has 50-50 and doesn't really speak to his ex. It works just fine, his DD is 6 and benefits hugely from time with him. I think its sad that people automatically assume that the kids are better off with less contact with their Dad's, they can be pretty important people in a childs life. I personally thank the stars for my Dad's influence. ETA-- Of course there are times when a child is better off with less contact with one of their parents, but even then, its not always the father.
I hope you find a workable solution.
Good luck

[Lulu]

Nah, the first term holidays. You could really get a feel of how it might work (I think?) with the days on/days off, transferring between houses etc.

[C~Q]

Oh ok, if we do it we'll be starting in the second term, when I move there. I will be about 5 mins from XH.

This is how I think it'll go...

Week one
Mon - Stay with mum
Tues - I'll pick up from school and drop to Dad in the eve
Weds - Sun morn - Dad

Week two
Sun, mon - Mum
Tues - I'll pick up from school and drop to Dad in the eve
Weds - Dad
Thurs - Tues Mum

The drop off and pick up will always be from school except for Tues (when I will spend the arvo with them) and Sun when i'll pick them up from his house.

ETA - Thanks PA

[Lulu]

You better fork out for extra school uniforms - I can see that being a hassle. Unless you have a washing roster

[C~Q]

Hmmm considering his step daughter will have the same I think names on EVERYTHING!

[Elocin]

Hun, I write names on socks and still get the old ratty ones back from the ex's place

[Sopdet]

Hun, I write names on socks and still get the old ratty ones back from the ex's place

We did a sort of the boys room the other day and found PINK socks that had come from their dad's place.

Rach - maybe just leave things as they are. Are you really prepared to deal with dp when he gets closer to the end? It isn't a nice journey, you get abused, blamed, screamed at, you feel like **** because you can't do anything for them and then you get the guilts because you feel relief when they've finally gone. Maybe just leave the relationship as it is, spend what time you can with him but don't disrupt the kids. You may have to fight in court to get the same level of access back again if your XH agrees to the 50/50.

[mrsmac]

From a teachers POV I see the kids who are in shared care situations at school and I am yet to see one that really works. They never seem to have their hat/homework/notes etc and are always in a bit of a mess. My friend who does it with her teenage boys still finds it difficult to make sure they have all the right uniforms etc and the boys never seem to bring clothes home from their dad's.

I think you need to think long and hard about it, especially since they are young.