Well I've been generously allowing my ex and his father to visit in my unit, twice a week. My Mum or Dad have been coming too.
Unfortunately this isn't working well so I'm going to the Family Relationships Centre, Mum suggested he is only allowed one visit for a very short time in my unit, and any others to be at the FRC or a shopping centre.
My ex is just being stupid, and not sitting Jim up to feed him anymore, not changing his nappy properly, he walked on the road with only using one handle on the stroller. Also him and his father harassed me while I was BF Jim :-(
I have been logging anything remotely abusive my ex says or does. So for example he will say that I've made a bottle too hot, when in fact I've heated it up for 10 seconds rather than 30 seconds. He will just question my parenting and attempt to undermine me.
BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
Jun 2004
The Festival State
3,008
you have been very generous
and they are repaying you with the reverse
You do not need the stress.
You do not need your very young baby looked after by irresponsible people. The care of a young child, the care takes precedence, not points scoring. You don't need Jim to get bad nappy rash before they listen. The father should listen purely because it's in Jim's best interests, to be changed correctly, for his health. And because you have primary care, it is natural you have more experience of what Jim needs, and have more practice in doing it.
i hope due to Jim's age, and feeds, that he is not out of your sight for very long (for your and Jim's sakes).
You do not need your parenting to be mocked/undermined, you're a new mum, dealing with so much, and doing so well, you need to be supported, not torn down.
You are the mother lion for your darling boy. I hope the counsellors give you suggestions on what to do. Can you see a one to one counsellor, as well as mediation counsellors?
There are issues it would be good to get advice on, by yourself, without your Ex present.
And with mediation, the counsellors have to be neutral.
I think you are a great mum, is there any reason you feel compelled to put up with twice weekly visits (in YOUR home). It would be very different if those two people were respectful, but they're not.
I'm sorry this saga is continuing, you and your son deserve better.
I don't really have anything to add, I just wanted to send some love to all of you strong, wonderful mothers giving your children the best in life - kids need a soft place to fall in life, and these kids are all lucky they've got Mums like you.
There was no DV in my household growing up, but my parents separated when I was 2. My Mum was incredibly strong (there was some pretty wrong stuff in their relationship, even if no violence) and I reckon she did a bloody awesome job as a single Mum. We saw our Dad, but our Mum raised us - she was both parents, and we did have other strong male role models in our lives too.
FWIW, I think Mum did us a great favour in never badmouthing Dad in front of us. I'm sure it was hard sometimes, but it meant that we didn't think half of our genetics came from a complete and total loser. There is good and bad in everyone and Mum chose to tell us about the good stuff Dad did, not the crappy stuff. We found that out later - but it was after we'd found out everyone was imperfect so it was ok and didn't affect the way we felt about ourselves.
Anyway - that's my 2c - you're all doing what's best for your kids and that is the best thing any of us Mums can do, regardless of our home situation. Sending a whole lot of love to you all and plenty of
MummyTee - I hope you get some great legal advice!!
BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
Jun 2004
The Festival State
3,008
Wannabe, that's great feedback. As a newly single mum, i'm trying very hard not to badmouth my X in front of my DD, good to know the sort of impact that has on a child growing up - a good one.
I just wanted to thank Gigi and others for your input, I have printed it off. I am getting further legal advice.
Edited to say, my father had a chat with my ex, he's is becoming more illogical. I am seeing someone about mediation today BUT I must get legal aid or something before the mediation.
Just wondering how you are going EMC2? Is everything getting better, I hope so.
Nothing much to report here, have moved cities and haven't seen the Father, spoken a little bit, he wanted to catch up to talk, but never showed up. I am now 22 weeks pregnant and am loving it and accepted my situation. We'll see what happens after bubsy is born.
Wannabe Mum, loved reading your 2 cents worth and that has become my attitude. Children can sense negativity and resentment coming from either parent about the other.
I wouldn't say things are better but just different between myself and my ex.
It's a situation where we are continually taking a step forward and then ten steps back.
I wanted to change his visiting times, and this blew up into a major ongoing email argument, culminating in an argument during a bedtime visit with him holding our son, which I was very unhappy about.
He is paying child support though, and hopefully we'll do a parenting plan soon.
My baby has a quick temper just like his Dad lol at 4 and a half months lol
Basically I am still making all the decisions, which is good but it is like a weight all the time.
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