DD sleepover with xDP

[tattoo_mama]

ah crap i didnt see this for ages!! sorry
well its similar situation with my XP babe, he works away and hardly ever rings to c how jade is then suddenly he has a 2 week holiday and wants jade for half of it. after not seeing her since july! he smokes weed too and is alot harder on her than me (he does controlled crying well more like leaving her to it but you get my drift)
but at the end of the day i know he would never hurt her and would do anything for her, he loves her to bits and he is only allowed to have DD at his mums house so she is there in case he spazzes out or something. legally well no the court would think if he smokes pot then he cant have Freya, but its really YOUR call...do YOU think Freya is safe there? if not then just dont let her its simple :P
ill pm u my mobby number on fb and feel welcome to text me whenever we can ***** about our stoner exs lol!! xx

[Cranky Kitten]

Go with your instincts. If you feel that your DD will be in an unsafe environment (which from the sounds of things she would be) you have every right to say no.

Remember though, that DD's grandparents are her family just as much as her father is - if they are prepared to work within some agreed groundrules that you're comfortable with (like no smoking indoors when DD is around) then helping them to maintain a relationship with your daughter can have massive benefits. As difficult as it can be at times. It may also mean that they stop pushing so hard for your x to make demands etc.

[Gigi]

Do you have a Parenting Order Plan?

i've just separated from my X and am going to get one of those, so all of those things, like visits, are legally worked out and then made legal by the order.

i don't think you're being a biatch at all, if you don't look out for the needs of your DD, who will?
All your decisions are based on what is best for your DD.

Is she breastfed? I've heard that judges will be more likely to go with your wish of "no overnight visits with x" if the child is breastfed.

IF the grandparents are capable of looking after her, AND you are ok about that (i'm unclear how you feel about the grandparents), well that is another matter. If they are very keen on having regular contact with her, maybe they will seek out a Court Order for contact themselves.

i think anyone who helps you with mediation (about Contact) and anything legal (like Parenting orders), you need to spell out the X's addictions, infrequent contact, status of child support payments. All that builds a picture.

a child needs stability
regular contact
evidence of capacity to care for her e.g if he can't be bothered to buy a cot, how committed is he?
if she's toddling around, about to walk, does he have babygates? safety locks for cupboard door handles? has he put poisonous chemicals up high? all the stuff you do to babyproof a home for a baby learning to walk, get into stuff.
e.g if he goes from zero care to a night, how realistic is that?
Your dd is not a toy, to be put down, when he can't cope with changing a nappy, or is more interested in getting stoned than staying alert, to attend to her needs.

for a young child, a six week absence is a very long time. She might feel like she's going to a stranger.

If he can't communicate with you, without getting aggro, how can he get a good changeover anyway?
All the vital info you have - what she likes, how she likes to be held, what calms her, what helps her nappy rash, all the nuances that are much more complicated than a fave toy - if he can't talk civilly to you, how will he find all that out?

Stand firm
Protect your child
Your gut tells you to do this already - listen to that and keep with it

You are this baby's advocate and voice, just keep listening to your gut instinct, i think you know what to do, he's just making you doubt yourself.

and for the immediate period - you have to survive financially - contact CL ASAP and tell them that X is not making payments.
contact CS - is there anyway to have the CS directly taken out of his pay, paid to CSA and then paid to you?
I just applied to Child Support Agency and they will take the payments directly out of x's CL payment and then pay me, so I don't have to deal direct with him about the CS. I've been told it gets tricky if your X is self employed. But if they work for an employer (or are on CL payments like my X), then it's pretty straightforward - but you do have to request that CS make the arrangements.