Have I failed?

[Phteven]

Your children are happy so no, you have not failed

I'm sorry things aren't as you envisaged but just because they aren't traditional doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with your arrangements.

[myturn]

Your children are happy so no, you have not failed

I'm sorry things aren't as you envisaged but just because they aren't traditional doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with your arrangements.

^^^^ I concer... In fact I'd say you have done an amazing job to keep everything so amicable. Well done! Many others cannot do that!

Be nice to yourself

[Three Graces]

Like the others have said, it sounds like you're doing a great job. From reading your post, I felt that the kids are probably in more or a routine with their dad, being there for the weekdays, which are routine days, unlike weekends. This would probably be the same if it was reversed and they were staying with you for the weekdays. I don't think it's the actual parent that they prefer.

Not sure if you've ever read Steve Biddulph's book called Raising Boys? It's got a great section about the three main stages that boys go through. So from 0-5 they're most likely to by mummy's boy - (or main care provider), then around 6-12 they really gravitate towards dad or the male in their lives (step-dads etc) and it feels like they don't need their mum so much (which they still do, but they're starting to learn what it is to be male). Then from 13 onwards, they need an outside male role model such as an uncle, close family friend, sports coach etc to learn from. So although it feels like he's preferring dad more, most boys go through this stage, regardless of whether they're living in the same house with both parents or apart. Sounds like this is where your son is at. It's great that your ex is a fantastic father and still very present in your son's life,b/c he is going to turn out to be a wonderful man (who still needs his mum too).

If you're feeling really low, I would definately ask your GP to refer you to a counsellor. If you can access a Mental Health Care Plan, then you can access approx 10-12 sessions with a Medicare rebate (or find somebody who will bulk bill). Hopefully this may provide you with some strategies for addressing negative self-talk and thoughts, particularly if you are having suicidal ideation. I work as a psychologist and I would be going through all the options/ pro's and con's for working full time vs dropping a day or so, to spend more time with your children if that's what's most important to you right now. Kids don't need fancy outdoor equipment etc if you are close to parks/outdoor areas that you can access. If your son is desperate for his own room, could you re-shuffle and you share with your daughter until you move to somewhere bigger? Just trying to think of flexible ideas.
I hope that you can get some support to help you through this all. Just remember that your kids do love you and need you and that you are doing the absolute best that you can.

[Mellybubz]

It sounds like you're emotionally exhausted. You haven't failed you're doing the best job you can. Find someone to talk to it may help get some strategies to get on top of things again before they get on top of you