How did you cope financially?

[Lulu]

Get hold of those financial records as soon as is possible without him knowing.
What a bastardio - going sailing and leaving you with 4 kids! This ones not gonna like parting with the cashola, keep one step ahead of him.

I know it sounds pretty full on, but if you look at all your options and at least KNOW you don't have to put up with this, you can make a clearer decision. Sometimes having the weight of the "what happens if we split" scenario sorted can give you the time to think about what the right choice is. You need to weigh it all up for yourself.

Im not sure what would happen, but he would have to pay you some child support and I think you can claim a "spousal maintenance" thing too. You may have to call CSA or Legal Aid. You would be able to claim Govt Support (which you are entitled to as an Aust Citizen) and not be totally reliant on him. You can get various concessions on your utilities etc.

Geez, Im still shirty at the thought of him treating himself to a 4 week holiday - WTF is the $500 for? To live on for the month???

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Geez, Im still shirty at the thought of him treating himself to a 4 week holiday - WTF is the $500 for? To live on for the month???

That's what I was thinking, what a jerk.

Trina, I'm sorry to hear this hun. I can't offer advice just wanted to send some hugs.
My stepdad left my mum almost six months ago when their twin baby girls were just ten weeks old... they were in goodness knows how much IVF debt from the babies he now claims he didn't want ... because with three kids already and a passionate hate for pregnancy mum definitely wanted them all on her own So now mum has a 16, 11 and two eight month olds... different but not dissimilar.

Anyhow, sorry for my vent there, all the best sweetheart. We're all here for you.

[Footsteps]

haven't got no advice just wanted to give you big .
you and your 4 beautiful girls will be ok.
take care
rachxxxx

[Pandora]

what Lulu said.

You need to make an appt with a family lawyer and get some advice, on custody, property settlements etc. They should be able to give you the best advice for your situation.

Register yourself with legal aid in your area too.

[all girls]

Thanks for all your replies geez there are so many things to sort out and think about hey..

You kinda lose hope in relationships at this stage

Cookiemonster your poor Mum she sounds like a trooper hope she is ok. Probably better off without him anyway.

I am sick of feeling trapped and helpless, stuck at home with not even 5c to go buy toilet paper (yep all day today thank goodness i had tissues)

My hat goes off to all you single parents out there it is such a tough thing to go through

[melbel]

To be honest he sounds to me like a bit of a control freak and he is thinking he holds power over you because he holds the purse strings. Make sure you have all your ducks lined up before you do anything because he sounds like he would play hard ball all the way.
Get details of his employment and salary etc especially if he is self employed. it is theones who are self employed that are very clever at hiding what they are really worth so suss out any evidence that will help you down the track. And please tell me the mortgage is in joint names not just his...not that it matters so much these days but it does make it easier.
And.....this is just my opinion....don't you be the one to leave thehouse. You have four children whos security is paramount....if worst comes to worst chaneg the locks when he is not home, ring centrelink and tell them you have separated so he has no legal recourse to renter the house except to get personal belongings. Then you can be nice andlet him have some possessions but dont' you be the one to have to the crawling back to him for anything cos by the sounds of it he will give you nothing.....let hime fight for the scraps!

[AnyDream]

I second everything Lulu has written (great advice there) and would particularly urge you to get photocopies of all and any of his paperwork (bank statements, bills, property information) etc that you might find lying around the house or stashed in his paperwork files/on the computer at home. I think before you make any decisions you really need to get some legal advice.

If you look up "W" for Women in the very front of the telephone book you should be able to find the phone number of some services (like a women's information and referral centre) that you can chat to over the phone, who can give you some information about services in your area that might be able to help (ie free legal advice, etc).

It sounds as if this man would have no problems leaving you in the lurch at the drop of a hat, so if you do some planning and act in a prepared manner you could save yourself all sorts of trouble later on. Just remember, you are doing this for a better future for yourself and your kids.

Good luck, I wish you all the inner strength you need!

[The[cookie]Doctor]

double post... stupid slow internet.