BC

Is it just your XP's mum who wants to take your DD or your XP as well? Do you have any sort of custody agreement that says that they can take her on her own?

If it is not a legal issue that you have to let them go alone, maybe organise to meet them up at the farm with DD when you are arranging a time and organise to drive yourself up there and if they offer to pick you both up, you can accept (if you want to).

I suppose at some point you probably do have to leave your DD alone with them, but I think a short visit to their house would probably be the best start to this. A visit where they have somewhere organised to change her nappy, a place that is familiar to your DD and they can spend some time focussing on learning how to meet her needs. I think it would be good if you drop her off, go shopping or have coffee with a friend for an hour and come back and get her (to give her the idea that you leave but then come back again).

Taking her away from you to an unfamiliar environment for a long period of time could be really detrimental and stressful for everyone, if it is the first time. Also changing and feeding a toddler can be a lot of work at times and it is best that they feel confident about doing those things before they venture too far from home with her.

I guess I don't see any reason why it shouldn't be a gradual thing unless there is some custody agreement that states otherwise.

I hope you can work something out that you are comfortable with