You cannot put your life on hold whenever he wants you to. If you have made plans stick to them. Every weekend you cannot be sitting at home wondering if he is going to turn up. You have told him you need notice if he is coming so stick to your decision.
If he fades out of your life later on you will still have a routine to follow and not waiting 'in case he turns up'
Thx everyone for you kind words i had a talk to him, and things are alot better for now. i ended up meeting his new gf and she seems nice(was hard but i did it and its done )
Butterfly I think you and I are very similar in that you show a lot of maturity for your age, and everyone on these boards keeps saying the same about me.
You are doing a great job and Grace is soooooooooooooooooo lucky.
He is only being detrimental to himself and his own relationship with his child by popping in whenever he feels bothered to.. She will eventually get to an age if this continues that she will realize you have been much more stable and it will affect the way she sees him in the future.
Lots of hugs from me and Vinny xo
I've done some late night/morning researching and discovered some WONDERFUL sounding family conflict resolution etc. counselling type services in our town.. so that is fantastic, maybe the next step for me and J in our situation.
I've just spent the last 5 mins watching my belly bouncing around as Vinny kicks the crap outta me. Its so magical i can't stop grinning. love that feeling
Hun, it is so normal to feel what you are feeling.
I don't think there are many people out there who wouldn't feel a bit peeved at a guy who walked away, and then comes back & gets to do all the fun bits for a few hours a week - but doesn't have to deal with the ins & outs of everyday parenting on your own - not to mention the past few months when he wasn't there at all.
It's not easy! and you are doing such a fantastic job.
And you're right, he probably doesn't get it at all, it's just one of those things. So don't feel bad at all for how you feel!
One thing I might suggest is that if he is pushing the envelope a bit in terms of being flexible (and I don't know, it might have been a one off?), you might want to get something in place saying when he is to have her. It's nice to keep it informal & flexible if it's working for you, but if it stops working, don't hesitate to be firm. We had to do this years ago because XP used to take advantage in a big way & in the end it was easier to say 'no- this is your weekend etc'. I would have liked to be easier about it (and we tried that) but it just wasn't going to work.
Like I said, it may have been a one off & if you can keep it casual that's much nicer for everyone - but if you have made plans etc don't feel at all like you have to change it to suit him.
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