Just hoping some other single mamas have some wise words. This week I feel like I've hit "rock bottom" in my ability to cope as a single parent. I've been alone since I was pregnant and have worked really hard to keep a positive attitude to my life. I've gone out with friends, even dated, asked for help, gone for some therapy, mothers groups, playgroups...everything to get me to this point of having a happy, active, well adjusted toddler.

BUT..over Xmas, then my birthday two days later and the NYE something kinda crumbled inside. I got no phone calls, texts or invites for any of the three events. It was just a big wall of silence. Most of DS activities and play groups were also shut down so a break in routine made me really notice the loneliness. The looking for like minded friends mammoth effort over all of 2010 seems wasted. Dating was bust. Old friends now well and truly fallen away from my life.

Still, I was going okay financially if lonely and so started to plan an OS trip to keep something exciting in my life. And now the finances are ruined because the homestay students I was hosting this month complained to their college that I was not a good homestay mum. That's how I make my money by taking in students normally. I've had a run from this English college of unsuitable homestay matches - last three have moved for reasons like "Didn't like her cooking", "Baby cries", "too far on the bus". Now I'm getting somewhat paranoid and thinking I'm some sort of horrible person in a horrible house. No one wants to be my friend, lover, employer or even stay in my house.

I have spent almost two years trying to be positive - not to feel rejected by the BabyDaddy, my friends, my family, my old job forcing me to quit when bub was young..all of this I took on the chin. But to be in a new year and have some 16 year old girl tell me I'm awful seems to have broken my spirit. I was so upset I quit the homestay with that college - also because of their actions with the last three matches I was losing money with the sudden moves.

How do I manage to keep it together financially? Socially? It just seems hopeless. I refuse to consider public housing. I really don't want to work full time and miss out on seeing my son during the week. He;s also not a great sleeper so not sure I'd be any good working full time. Working part time loses all of my benefits without moving forward and still would have to use much more child care. Socially I'm not sure what else I can do - I'm very active, but seems I've not found anyone I click with for friend or for dating.