In the last week or so I have started getting really stressed about money, and I'm hoping some single parents out there who have walked a similar path are able to give me some advice or tips.
A quick re-cap of my story. I'm 34 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and her Dad lives in the UK; he is a British Citizen. It was a difficult breakup in the beginning, and resulted in me flying home to Australia at 6 weeks pregnant alone; his choice. I've worked really hard at dealing with the pain I felt, and we're now on friendly enough terms. He wants to be involved with his DD, which is music to my ears, because I think she will benefit from that relationship (in whatever form it may be).
I have been working hard to save up the $4,500 that I will need to go over to the UK for 3 weeks with my DD next September so she can meet her Dad and the rest of her relatives there. I think it's really important that DD has this opportunity to bond with her Dad from the beginning. I realise it may go balls up or he may let her down, but at least she'll be young enough to not be affected, and i'll then know that at least I have tried for her sake.
Here's where the problem lies. I am currently living with my folks, they're great, supportive and are financially well off. But, the $4,500 is the only savings I have, and when I get back from the UK in September 2010, I would like to look at moving out of Mum and Dad's so DD and I can get on our feet and be an independent family. Living with my parents was never to be a permanent arrangement.
My question is, am I kidding myself in thinking that I can go to the UK and spend all the money I have saved so that DD can meet her Dad, and then still come back to Australia and make a comfortable life for us just on the money from Centrelink? I just want what's best for my girl.
Maybe you could ask if he could contribute in some way to your travelling expenses - like pay for the ticket and you will cover everything else (rather than you paying for the ticket and hmi covering everything else and then possibly letting you down)
They are all really keen to meet her, but living in the UK is expensive and none of them really have 2 spare cents (or pence) to rub together, so him coming here or giving me some financial help with the trip aren't really an option unfortunately.
I'm just not sure how tough its going to be living alone with my DD and purely being supported by Centrelink until I can eventually get back to work (maybe first 2 years at home). I'm not sure whether I will look back in a year's time and think to myself 'you should have used that money more wisely'. Or maybe I will be perfectly able to live comfortably if I budget well.
It's just so hard to know without ever having been in that position.
I think its a very beautiful totally unselfish thing your thinking of doing hun, but i think you need to think realistically whether this money would be better off getting you guys set up with moving out etc, I agree with both muppity and lulu if you can work out him helping out with the travelling expenses or maby he could come here to meet her than maby it might work out. you'll have enough on your plate as it is without having to travel with a young baby and the expenses on top of that xx
you are so strong hun, i know it must be so hard right now, i remember being in your place maby alittle different situations but i know the strength it takes and i know you have it inside
The thing is that moving out isn't just adding rent to the equation -- you will need things to set up a place for you and your little one; bed, fridge, plates, cutlery, towels... the list goes on! Do you have all of this? Do you have a plan to acquire all of this? That is something to consider
It is tough work doing it alone but not impossible. Keep your chin up!
I just want to collapse in a flood of tears right now. I really feel there is no solution for me and it's killing me. How can I give my DD all she deserves in life when I have no money and her father is 10,000 miles away.
The strength I have found to get through this last 34 weeks is fading as the stress of feeling trapped and powerless takes over.
Need tips from any single parents!
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I think its a very beautiful totally unselfish thing your thinking of doing hun, but i think you need to think realistically whether this money would be better off getting you guys set up with moving out etc, I agree with both muppity and lulu if you can work out him helping out with the travelling expenses or maby he could come here to meet her than maby it might work out. you'll have enough on your plate as it is without having to travel with a young baby and the expenses on top of that xx
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