In case you hadn't realised I am really into non violent living.
I don't believe guns or other weapons are okay for my children (or any children... to play with. I don't believe "pretending" to shoot another child is okay role play.
My children go to a school that supports this ethos - guns, or other weapons (or vioence in communication and play) in play are not acceptable and it is explained kindly and compassionately why not.
Basically I believe that there is enough killing, maiming and harm that happens in real life without encouraging it in play.
My ex husband has always supported that - we all know he has mental health issues and he is quite motivated by anger and turmoil at the moment.
However, he has now introduced toy guns to my son. My son, who has always been told that pretending to shoot someone is not okay - that we don't have guns or weapons in our home. He goes to a school who doesbn't support this.
He came home from his fathers on the weekend confused about Dad's interest in guns now... He bought me a gun Mum and showed me how to fire it... It isn't a "real" gun - yes, there was a fleeting moment when I thought he meant a real one!!!
But, Mum it was fun & it also felt wrong...
What do I do... I didn't handle it well - I actually said: "this is part of Dad's thing at the moment - but guns are not okay and it shows he is in a bad place that he bought it for you"... Maybe I said too much but I tell you what it infuriates me. I know he is only doing it to **** me off. It worked!
Anyhoo I think you handled it really well, and you can see your boy has his own questions about the sudden interest.
I wonder what the next thing he will do - NEVER let on this annoys you btw.
Having said that, I'm not really into guns either - but I have had a go with a few handguns at a firing range on holiday once. I was rather surprised how fun target shooting is - I'm a CRACK shot - who wouldda thunk?
your XH is behaving like a child so I would look to child-wrangling techniques for a solution. Since you can't give him a time out or confiscate his toys I think that the best policy might be to ignore negative/attention seeking behaviour. If I pretend not to notice when my pre-schooler is being feral to get attention he usually stops after a while, maybe yours will too.
I am sitting here weeping tears of frustration. It is so confusing for him he loves his Dad and of course trusts him. Daddy is saying:"mum is a tree hugging hippy she doesn't know what she's talking about"... Guns are good - otherwise the bad guys would get us all. Pluck Pluck Pluck Pluck...
I know I can't let on it's bugging me but it was so hard not to blast his socks off...
Kick in the nether regions would feel oh oh oh so sweet right now... However, I then remind myself to harm no one... But Man - this is a test of my strength..
Bron you are right. Praise and ignore.... It's just my baby Boy we are talking about and I wannna yell loudly!!!!!
You can still confirm to your boy that yes you ARE a tree-hugging hippy, but it doesn't mean you don't know anything.
Reminds me of my poor sds - he was about 8 when he seemed upset about something his mum said. "mum says you are a witch" - Really? I say......"well you know that its true though don't you?" Big wide eyes - "well don't I fix you when you aren't well, didn't we make those nightmares go away, didn't I teach you how to dream?" Nods. So mummy was right, I've got all sorts of tricks up my sleeve don't I? Nods. "Now pass me that broomstick please, I have to get to the shops" sds cracks up and skips away...
NOW - if ds ends up liking the hitting target side of things (which I am sure is the only thing he might get out of it), you can always introduce him to Archery - which is purely about skill and imho a rather "noble" type of sport....
I've got the witch thing too... *sigh*... I have said very similar to what you have - so I hear you there. I did affirm the hippy thing and of course DS meditates before bed every night and surrounds himself in white light when he is scared. His favourite collection are his crystals..
It really is about me dealing with the anger at his way of trying to get at me... I will deal...
ooh wow, I can understand why your son was so confused...and that is not ok.
I would think it must be time for a sit down withn you ex husband. Tell his behaviour is unacceptable adn ask him why he has changed his attitude when you were both onthe same page for so long.
If you haven't done it already I would explain to your son that guns are still not ok, despite it being given him by his dad, are not allowed in your house and thow it in the bin. Explain to him that he has the right to say no to his father next time he asks him to do something he knows is wrong, that if he isn't comfortable with something he has the right to say no to his dad.
Reinforce why guns are bad and that he has a choice to do something wrong or stick to his and his family's values...make it about him and his decisions rather than bad mouthing his dad.
Non Violent Toys...
to play with. I don't believe "pretending" to shoot another child is okay role play.
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your XH is behaving like a child so I would look to child-wrangling techniques for a solution. Since you can't give him a time out or confiscate his toys I think that the best policy might be to ignore negative/attention seeking behaviour. If I pretend not to notice when my pre-schooler is being feral to get attention he usually stops after a while, maybe yours will too.
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