Not sure what to do

[Melly01]

Ok, a little bit of history. exDP comes to visit DS maybe 2 or 3 times a year. He has recently started his own business fixing people's computers. He asked to come see DS on Easter Sunday, but I told him that we have family plans that day, could we make it the Saturday. He said he has plans on that day. So he wanted to make it the 18th, but DS is going to his cousins Birthday party, and the last time he went to a party after seeing his dad he wasn't in the mood to party and was annoyed with everyone. I told ex that we have plans that saturday, and asked if he could think of another day when he can make it. So he has replied with his sms today:

Im not sure if I should bother coming down. It seems that even though I have not organised assess rights to logan to make things easier on you, still I have to organise visits around your personal life. And when I am there I cant stay long or feel welcome. Maybe you would rather I moved on and logan not know who hes father is.

Now, I am sooo tempted to just say that is fine with me. But would that be me being mean? I just feel like if he really wants to visit DS then he would not mind working around our plans. And the last time he was here I was as nice as I could be, I just sat there and smiled and tried not to make him feel unwelcome. I even stayed out of the way so he could sit with DS and play with toys together. So if he feels that way (even though based on previous conflicts I do not like being around him but I try to hide it from DS) then it's really an issue he has to do deal with. Also, I've never kicked him out of the house, he always chooses to leave when he wants to. It's not my fault he only stayed for 45 minutes last time he was here. I feel like he's just trying to guilt trip me, and I'm sure he never had me in mind when he hasn't gone for access rights, he probably just didn't want to have to do what was involved to get to that point.

I sometimes feel like it would be so much better if he could just sign his custody rights over to me or whatever happens there, since he doesn't really have that much of an input into DS's life, his only meaningful contribution is a couple of visits, cheap presents that break easily, and a tiny bit of CS. He is never even home when DS calls, never answers his mobile and doesn't call us back. So he's really giving the impression that he just doesn't want to bother.

[Alan]

How about a reply something like this
It is not my personal life that have to organize visits around it is your sons.As your visits are so infrequent surely you do not expect us to put our life on hold so that you can make one of your occasional visits when you alone see fit.

[Inertia]

Mel, my XH did do just that. He severed all ties and signed over all rights to me. Just washed his hands of the kids and went on with his life.

If its is what your XP wanted to do then he will no matter what you say. He is trying to manipulate you. Don't buy into it, and don't bite. Wait a day, then tomorrow just reply with what days are available rather than aren't and see how you go from there. Doesn't sound like you will be putting yourself out too much if he can't even spend an hour with his son.

2-3 times a year is a pretty poor showing. I don't blame you for how you feel.

[Melly01]

Sorry, I did read the posts, but been so busy with assignments for university and practicing my Auslan for an assessment I forgot to reply.

Well I've decided just to not reply, for now anyway, I feel like that would be taking the bait. I think I will wait until I have a chance to talk to my counsellor. If he wants to organise something, he can send me another message or call. I think I will get Mum or someone else from my family to call his Mothers house tomorrow so DS can say hello to them. I just can't stand talking to him at the moment, and I don't want to ruin anyone's holiday by one of us getting upset.