Probably at the lowest point in my parenting journey

[Epacris]

You are doing the very best you possibly can for them. You are not disgusting, you are strong and a great mother. Please know that.

Sending all my love and strength to you.

[MrsFabuloso]

You are doing what you need to hun. Don't feel horrible. It isn't your fault. Your X needs to take the blame too.

[LuluHB]

There's nothing disgusting about your behaviour, and nothing to be ashamed of. You're doing a fantastic job looking after your kids solo. My mum was a single mum from very early on in my life and I have nothing but admiration for mums on their own.

[Calluna]

you are not disguting. You are doing the best you can with what you have.
That money was for your kids, you spent it ON your kids. Sure, it would have been better if you didn't have to use it, but it it's more important that you feed your girls than have the money sitting in a bank account. And like you said you can pay it back later.