everyone i seem to choose is complete prat too.. my ex is poss one of the best so far (believe it or not) in that he only is abusive with his words and demeanour, and i think he genuinely has good in him, but needs to grow up a bit and find it.. i somehow make excuses for them all until one final event and it just hits me as to how s***** they have been all along.. i went off men for about 2 years before i met my ex, and in that time was attacked by a friends flatmate. lost the friend into the deal because she didn't believe me when i said what had happened.
it's good that you see the best in people, but maybe just some time off in terms of relationships is best right now. that was the best thing i ever did. no sex. no men except those who didn't count because they were friends. no drunken liaisons even. it just gives you some time to be you. and to work out what you want and what you're looking for. and truly, celibacy really isn't that bad lol! i found it quite restorative!
what if you headed to melbourne to see your kids for a bit? i love melbourne.. it would have to be my favourite place in australia.
you must have been young with them, since they're school age and you're the same age as me.. so maybe some time out is just what you need. time to really know what you want. i found that i'd gotten into a pretty bad cycle of who i was with, as started drinking and doing things i probably shouldn't have when i was 11. the two years without anyone (except b****** sam 6 months into that) really cleared my head and helped me see what i wanted and, i think, helped me start to be able to see what i wanted in my potential partners, instead of just anyone.
and it's not like you really know someone properly until you've been with them a while. like with my ex, i met him about 6 months before he asked me out, i didn't let him anywhere near me for about a month, and i didn't sleep with him until we'd been dating for 3 months. i explained that there where things that had happened as to why i kept my distance and he respected that. he asked if i wanted to tell him what they were and i said no and he didn't ask again. i told him when i was ready to. i just don't think he was ready for the kind of relationship i wanted. he certainly wasn't ready to be a dad the first time i got pregnant and so i knew that it wasn't right. this time around he was shocked but then he started to get excited when i told him that i couldn't terminate again and that i felt the universe was saying it was time for me to be mum (lol wouldn't you with two BFP's in 6 months..)
it's tough. but bub will be loved by you and your family. and maybe he'll eventually see the positive. but you don't need him weighing you down. maybe the universe got the two of you together because he's a good sperm donor.. but right now he's hurting you and baby and thats not okay. just remember that we are all human and this is just how life happens.. it's just a matter of finding your path from this point, instead of looking back and punishing yourself.
you have my love hun. x
Last edited by livvy; October 9th, 2009 at 11:03 AM.
so sorry for not coming online and telling you guys i am ok
the father of my baby has being seeing me and being really friendly he wants me to come on holidays to the mountains this new year. The baby had its 1st ultrasound last week and is healthy looking whichim so pleased about.
I wish i had been more into this thread saying thankyou and stuff ! you people on here are very nice and nonjudgemental which is needed because 2 or my friends arnt speaking to me unless they want to say wat a terrible mistake i have made etc.
please excuse bad spellinh and typing but I broke my finger on monday and its spliunted up so hard to type. but even harder to stay away from the computer.
am so glad to hear that you and baby are doing well! and i'm glad that bub's father has decided to be a man and step up. honey, just a word of warning: be careful! you have to look after you right now because everything you feel baby feels. i made that mistake with my bub's father. he has done some truly unforgivable things but seems to want to make amends now bub is almost here. i'm just not interested, and i'm glad that i've been able to get to the point that he is not important. i really hope that this is different for you and that your baby's father is being supportive and thinking about your and baby's wellbeing.
just remember that you have made the best decision for you. it is not important what your friends do or say and frankly if they aren't speaking to you on account of your being pregnant then i wouldn't count them as friends. friends stand by you no matter what, they might tell you they think it's not what they would've done if faced with the same predicament, but they will always be your friends and support you through your decision. that's what real friends should do in any case. and if they don't then if they are a true friend they will know that they've done something cruel and will eventually apologise and ask your forgiveness. that's how i know that my ex has never been a true friend. he has not once apologised for anything that he has done. and yet has somehow created this fantasy that everything's okay now because his gf has decided that i'm not a threat after all and he can try and make good by saying that we should make an agreement, or give me a whole pile of baby clothes to my friend to give to me, or that him (and her) want to visit baby, but not at my house, has to be in a park somewhere because he's "not comfortable" coming to my house. b******. i'm "not comfortable" with his gf seeing my baby.
sorry about the bitter rant hun. he's just been making my life miserable the last couple of days. getting his sister to contact me to dig for him etc. is just getting ridiculous. i told him to back off, so instead he uses underhand methods to find out things. with one week to go lol, he's cutting it fine. suddenly he wants to be a dad. well i'm not having a bar of it. baby will not be available to him unless he comes to me for some weeks. however baby will be going to see his greatgreatnana as its not every child who has a greatgreatgrandparent, and she's in the south island so will have to jump on a plane to do that lol. midwife was awesome though and said just remember to have him on the breast for take off and landing, so his ears don't pop. wouldn't have ever thought of that!
but yes. sorry am totally prattling now! i hope your finger gets better soon and you enjoy your holiday with baby's father (if you go). just remember to look after you and baby first and foremost! you two are the most important things right now! no one else is important!
Hey Darlin,
Being a mum is tough, especially by yourself. I know how hard it is when you have people screaming at you to have an abortion too. They have no idea what it feels like to have this beautiful little life fluttering inside of you.
All I can suggest is dont ever be afraid to ask for help as there are lots of support services available out there. A lot of area health services will have support groups for young mums under 24 and some places even have services connected for mums experiencing mental health issues after birth.
I had a mum who had schizophrenia and a dad with bipolar disorder. I was lucky in that most of my life they were mentally well as they were reasonably well controlled with their medication. I was also lucky to have some very supportive aunts, uncles and grandparents. My parents were great becaus e I think they paid more attention to me and my feelings and emotions as I was growing up. They also had more time to spend with me then the average parent. I turned out ok. I'm now a nurse and studying my masters degree. Admittedly I did have a bit of depression for a little while but other then that no mental health issues.
Dont ever be afraid to ask for help as there is lots of support available out there for you and your beautiful baby.
Lots of hugs
Mel
xox
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so sorry for not coming online and telling you guys i am ok
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