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LOL, I was going to write it out, but I ran out of sleeping girl time!!
Ok, so my mum's a psychologist and was doing supervision for her qualification with a psych lady she knew. As part of supervision they have sessions with their supervisor to talk about their own state of mind and all these things came up for her. Part of it had to do with her and my dad's relationship, which is fraught with danger.
The mistake was to not to take up the idea of joint counselling, but to take it up with the same counsellor who was dealing with her as an individual. By the time he got there he felt he was being ganged up on (and even if she wasn't). It put him off going by himself to ANYONE after that. My mum had told him it would be better to go to someone by himself first, but he copped out and insisted, probably because of cost and he's a tight arse. She says in hindsight she would have insisted on it.
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Oh, thankyou so much Mayaness!!! I was pushing for DH to go to our couples counsellor who is also my individual counsellor, but DH didnt want to feel ganged up on! He has made an appointment at the same place but wants to see a different counsellor, I will now encourage him to see someone different. Thankyou so much, you may have saved us a lot of cr@p x
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Sending lots of hugs :hug:
May the sun shine brighter on you xoxoxox
:hug:
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Thankyou Queen, that lovely
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Your doing so well, your DH is in for some tough times and I'm sure he'll hit rock bottom at least once or twice, and you'll probably have to let him too (ack, tough love!). But my Mum has always said she took a couple years of crap in order to have 20 more years of a wonderful marriage, so it can work out. You can do it babe, best of luck xo
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Widdly, you are such an amazing lady. I wish you and your family well on this journey you've all begun :hug:
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Just a suggestion/ encouragement for your OH (sorry, not quite sure if you guys are still together or not).
I've been to a couple of different counsellors over the years. Sometimes they've encouraged me to talk about some parts of my past/ family, sometimes we've just focussed on the present, rather than what's behind it.
I can understand that he feels pretty daunted if he thinks it's going to be years of dredging up uncomfortable feelings from his past, with no way to handle it. But a good counsellor will help him learn how to deal with those feelings. It must have been painful for him to discuss all that stuff with you for the first time, and he probably dreads the thought of going through that sort of thing once a week!
But of course it won't always be like that, and sometimes (often probably) the focus will be on positive changes that he can make now to make his life, and your life better. Understanding how the past fits into that is just a part of the process.
BTW, none of this is meant to minimize his behaviour towards you in the past so I don't mean to sound too sympathetic towards him! Just thought it might help encourage him to seek some outside help.
Good luck and well done for making such positive steps forward for you and your family.
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I just wanted to say to you, that I think you are such an amazing women. It takes alot of guts to do what your doing, some I wish I had thats for sure !!!
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kitfaerie - I cant tell you how wonderful it si to hear what your Mum said. I will keep that with me through the this tough time x
kazbah - oh thankyou ever so much x
Rosie - thankyou for the advice :)
Izabella - gosh that is a very generous thing to say x
I am feeling a little anxious tonight as tomorrow is counselling day again, but I am looking forward to it too. DH has his first session tomorrow arvo too, he is feeling physically sick about it, poor thing. This week has been so much better for me. For DH he has felt awful this week like things with us are never going to work out, like I dint really love him. There has been no sex at all since my last counselling session last week, and Im not sure why exactly but not DTD with DH has really helped me feel stronger. DH has spent 3 nights at his own house this week much to his disgust. I feel that this has helped me also, given me the chance to clear my headspace and feel independant and strong, but also giving me the chance to miss DH on one of those nights, absence does seem to make my heart grow fonder.
I can see that DS can tell that something is going on and that it has affected him a little this past week. I have tried to make sure we dont argue or act strangely around each other in front of DS, but they are clever little beings. DS seems to be really quite protetive of me, if DH uses the slightest annoyed voice toward me DS runs up and challenges DH and tells him to be nice to me. Obviously this must upset DH, and it upsets me too cause I dont think DH deserves that. DS has also this week, been favouring me a lot like he did for the first 3 years of his life. Now that I think about it, maybe it isnt so much me and my feelings he is picking up on, as much as DH and his feelings, seeing as DH has bought up feelings from his past and has been a little broken this week....Oh, I just wish DS didnt have to be dragged through this stuff :( Thank goodness he has never witnessed us argue or anything, he just picks up on the feelings, the unsaid things.
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The hugest, warmest of hugs to you, and your DH, for tomorrow. And a special, gentle kiss for your DS from me. :heartbeat: Thinking of you and wishing you all the best. :goodluck: :hug:
