Shoulda listened to Lulu when she told me to stay put as a single mumma and take things very slowly with DH. But no I got all excited and moved straight back in with him again.
Things are just a bit weird. DH and I both totally love each other, however I feel really strangled by his love. I lost that independence and freedom that i had. and I gained the resentment that i had for DH in regards to his stupid debts and him having more 'freedom' than me.
We made things official today, got the lease put in my name only and notified centrelink and child support, so embarrassing saying, yes we have seperated AGAIN! At least this time Archie doesnt have to get disrupted and move house/town, I think he wont really even notice the changes if things go to plan. DH and I are such great friends and very supportive of each other, and when we are seperated I feel great about him, but when we are together i feel resentful.
This time around I am gonna take thigs REAL slowly and just take things as they come. We havent told family and friends and really dont want to, as when we do we know they will weigh in with their opinions on each other and our situation and we really just wish they would all butt out and let us find our way by ourselves.
I guess the main thing is that DH is moving just down the road from us and will come here most nights to do the tea, book, bed routine and even sleep over regularly, that will make things easier on Archie.
When I told DH all this last night and told him he can move out cause i resent him again he looked at me like I was holding a gun to his head I told him lets just be fantastic freinds for a couple of years and get our seperate lives on track. My no means do i or him ever want to find other partners or sleep around, I just need my space to sort my life out without having to deal with the stress of his dumb financial choices. I want to be accountable for myself and my own decisions, not his.
I m sick of him going against my gentle parenting instincts, so with him out of the house I can do things right without having to fight against him.
Love him so much, I just need space to be me and get me sorted.
Sorry for the long vent guys, and sorry to all of you who warned me this was going to happen if i went straight back to DH.
Oh darling I am so sorry that you are feeling so blergh right now. You are a strong, amazing woman that has grown so much over this last little while. Change is a process remember. You will get there, where ever that is.
Hun i am so sorry your going through this again!
Take a deep breathe OK!! You are a strong beautiful Amazing women and mother. let go of the doubt that you hold in yourself.. i cant imagine what your going through right now but you are doing what is best for yourself and your son and that just shows what an amazing women and mother you are..Sometimes things like this fall apart so better things can fall together if you like, i dont know if this is what you want to hear but i believe everything happens for a reason and i truly believe it will become clear to you one day, big hugs im thinking about you hun
I wish you all the best widdly, looking forward to one day reading you looking back on all of this and being really proud of yourself and your DH for how you worked through things. xo
You are such a strong and wonderful Mumma. It's better to take your time and work these feelings out now than let them go on and on and then work out it isn't 'right' for you. You've done the right thing.
well.....im back...
I told him lets just be fantastic freinds for a couple of years and get our seperate lives on track. My no means do i or him ever want to find other partners or sleep around, I just need my space to sort my life out without having to deal with the stress of his dumb financial choices. I want to be accountable for myself and my own decisions, not his.
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