Why Would She Say No?

[barbie-up]

As a single parent of a primary school aged child, I would not accept her father paying for school things instead of child support.

From my point of view, I have done it for the last three years, same for my sons early intervention and kinda and would not want him getting involved now. I wouldn't want notes for swimming or music lessons or excursion fees or whatever going to him to pay. I like to know they're going to get paid. Plus it's more stuff I would have to talk to him about that I could avoid.

Caits fees at govt. school are under $200 a year. If you start buying pieces of the uniform now, or can get it though friends with older kids, it's not much.

The CSA formula changed July last year ... the govt want you to meet the costs of raising your own children, fair enough, but then my child support was cut in half, so the government benefits go up, not by the same amount, but still up. I rip their newsletters up and send them back now.

[Cupcake]

Thanks for all the advice, this situation has been put to rest (in our household) lol. So all sorted on our end.

As i said we are happy to keep going the way things are going i just thought it would have worked out better for her on her end. We arent angry, arent feeling 'ripped off' or anything like that, all is sweet

murraysmum, you can definately call the CSA and ask for a re evaluation? I made sure of that incase we ever go through them as DP is a trady so his pay tends to change week to week.

Inertia, thank you for your personal example! Thats all we were really asking, to make sure DSD is actually benefiting from the CS. If that sounds controlling then i guess we are controlling ... i think DP has a right to ensure his daughter is cared for properly.

Anyway, thanks again

[DoubleK]

im happy you have it sorted out!

my first impression was that she preferred to have more 'income' to budget with. but anyways, glad its sorted!

[Inertia]

Inertia, thank you for your personal example! Thats all we were really asking, to make sure DSD is actually benefiting from the CS. If that sounds controlling then i guess we are controlling ... i think DP has a right to ensure his daughter is cared for properly.

I don't find it any more controlling than me controlling what food they eat when I do the weekly shopping, or what clothes they are going to wear when I go buy them. TBBH, the custodial parent some times tends to take these things for granted and doesn't realise that they have all the control in day to day expenses and care decisions. Court custody arrangements used to specifically state that - custodial parent has control over all day to day decisions and any long term are joint. Well I don't agree. DH had just as much right to have a say in what formula I was feeding his bub as I did. Now I know there are some exs out there that would use that kind of approach to hurt their ex. "I dont want him eating $2.50 cheese slices, I want him to be eating $7 ones" - but you know what, thats what child support is for. DH wanted me to stay in the house so he paid half the rent to ensure I could afford to. He wanted his children to be able to have NAN and Huggies, so he put his money towards ensuring that. My XH wanted our kids to have all the advantages of other kids - so his money gets put towards their school activities so they could have the advantages of their peers. Granted he has nothing more to do with them (his decision), but I have made a point of finding a way to cover his wishes for his kids with the laughable amount of money he pays towards their support.

So long as s/he is willing to put in the necessary effort (including money) to be an active part in their childs life, then I am all for them having their say in their childs upbringing. Its not being controlling - its caring for their child.