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thread: Why Would She Say No?

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  1. #1
    Registered User
    Add Cupcake on Facebook

    Nov 2008
    North Haven, NSW
    3,474

    Why Would She Say No?

    Once again..not sure if this is in the right spor...if not feel free to move it mods

    Background info ... ever since DP and i have been together DSD's mother has been asking for more child support, as long as ive known him he has always been paying more then CSA ask...some of you that are familiar with my story will know my frustrations with DP's ex

    Currently DSD is in preschool, starting 'big school' in 2010. Now i thought this might be a huge financial burden on DP's Ex (Lets call her "S") so suggested to DP we offer to change their child support arrangment (he thought it was a great idea)...being that it is a private arrangment this wouldnt be an issue provided both parties agree.

    I suggested we cease the weekly cash deposits into S's bank account and instead would foot the bill for ALL School fees, uniforms, excersions, extra curricula activities etc ... i get a text saying "no thanks im fine paying for all of Miss K's schooling" ... im trying to HELP her, i know that it would sum up to A LOT more then the Child Support we are paying plus it would directly be benefitting Miss K?

    On average how much would you pay for school, sports, uniforms etc per year?

    Ah well, you can lead a horse to water...

  2. #2
    Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

    Jan 2005
    Funky Town, Vic
    7,070

    I'll get back to you on the $$$, but just because she says no, doesn't mean it can't happen.

    Is it a private school?

    It might even be cheaper for HER to pay since she has a HCC, she may also get a rebate..maybe why she says no?

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Dec 2005
    In Bankworld with Barbara
    14,222

    Maybe it's easier for her to accept cash but what you're offering might seem like charity to her?? Dunno. I sure know that if someone offered to pay for my kids uniforms I would take it.

  4. #4
    Registered User
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    Nov 2008
    North Haven, NSW
    3,474

    mmm not a private school, but even still with uniforms, class trips, all that stuff surely it has to be expensive...

    I guess the main fact is that we offered? She may feel differently in the long run...who knows

  5. #5
    BellyBelly Member
    Add kawazuki on Facebook

    Dec 2008
    Paradise. QLD
    2,288

    hmm strange. maybe she is going to try and stop DD going to teh private school and if she says she is paying and that she may say its to expensive etc etc and send her to the local public school.

    i know if someone offered to pay my kids school fees etc id jump at teh chance.

    or maybe she doesnt realise teh costs involved in private schooling and things your trying to get the cheap end of teh bargain and you will be better off doing this and she will miss out on something.

  6. #6
    Registered User

    May 2005
    Canberra
    3,617

    If it is a public school, then it probably won't cost her that much unitl her DD is older. Ie, at public school - fees are optional, school uniforms can often be picked up cheap or secondhand, text books are provided (loaned) to the students free of charge, school excursions when younger tend to be cheap or free, etc.

    If you are talking private school then that is a whole other kettle of fish. Catholic schools are somewhere in between.

    She may not want to do that now, so don't worry about it - but once high school comes into the equation then maybe you could bring it up again?

  7. #7
    Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

    Jan 2005
    Funky Town, Vic
    7,070

    Well you asked her and she answered I spose....

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Oct 2007
    Middle Victoria
    8,924

    Why would she say no?

    maybe cos she would prefer cash, rather than her ex dictating where the money gets spent.

    (i have no argument either way, but that would be my thought if i was in her position)

  9. #9
    Registered User
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    Nov 2008
    North Haven, NSW
    3,474

    It is not us dictacting...its us trying to make sure the money is benefiting his daughter, thats all.

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Oct 2007
    Middle Victoria
    8,924

    Sorry, just trying to throw something in there that she might be thinking.

  11. #11
    Registered User
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    Nov 2008
    North Haven, NSW
    3,474

    no worries good to get all types of views on any situation

  12. #12

    Oct 2005
    A Nestle Free Zone... What about YOU?
    5,374

    Ammaki I would suggest too it sounds a bit too controlling to her. I know that's not how you mean it - just step outsde the circle and look at it from her perspective. If it were me it would perhaps feel controlling.

    State school grade one is really not expensive at all - so what you would have to pay for wouldnt be in most cases really xxy...

    I think it would just be run of the mill to help out with the costs of uniforms and books etc & I would suggest it again early in the new year.

    Murrysmum: csa is calculated on the non custodial parents & the custodial parents income & that sets the bench mark for how that child would have been cared for.

  13. #13
    Registered User
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    Apr 2007
    Recently treechanged to Woodend, VIC
    3,473

    I'd knock back that offer too because primary school fees aren't that much PLUS if I was a single parent I'd rather know how much I was getting per week and then it's up to me how I budget it.

    I don't think we'd have paid much more than $500 for DSD school uniform, fees and books and she's in high school so I think that primary school would be substantially less. Don't get me wrong, $500 is not a drop in the ocean but I'm betting the child support works out much more than that over the year.

  14. #14
    Registered User
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    Nov 2008
    North Haven, NSW
    3,474

    Youre right fionas $500 is a lot cheaper then our CS, im just going off what my mum pays for my sisters school fees and its not cheap...but thats fine, it is completely her perogitive to reject the offer so we will continue the way we are now

  15. #15
    Registered User

    Jun 2008
    Tassie
    2,567

    per year...

    For one child in a private school I pay

    $277 in fees per term (3 terms per year)
    $200 in school uniforms
    $100 on shoes

    Thats all So it's not much here.

  16. #16
    Registered User
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    Nov 2008
    North Haven, NSW
    3,474

    Thanks missy!

  17. #17
    Registered User

    Jun 2008
    Tassie
    2,567

    I should also add that the boys father pays for half of everything anyways, so I would tell him no too lol

  18. #18
    Registered User
    Add ~clover~ on Facebook

    Sep 2007
    travelling
    9,557

    Yeah, I probably pay $100-$150 a year for public school for 1 child.
    Fee's are optional, & only I think $20 a year. Uniforms are pretty cheap if you go to Big W (they stock most uniform colours). Its only around $5 for each item of clothing. Maybe $20 for shoes.
    There aren't many excursions etc in the first few years, & what there is, the P&C often tries to help with the costs to reduce the amount parents pay.
    TBH, it wouldn't be fair. I know you guys are trying to do the right thing by your DSD, but that just wouldn't be it.
    Good luck working it out though.

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