Get a dog.....?!

[Cricket]

I've read in a few places that people who are trying to decide if they want to have a baby should get a dog first. I find that really strange advice.
I can see that there is responsibility in caring for a pet, and a certain level of commitment required (although, you can sell or give away a dog - that's not going to happen with a baby!) but it's so totally different to have a baby! It's your very own little person! It's part of you and your husband. There's no hormonal reaction to a dog. No mother-baby attachment from conception on. No life-long commitment. No moral upbringing to undertake.
I guess it's maybe partly because I'm not really a pet person, but if I had to make the decision about whether to have children or not based on how I liked having a dog, I would never have children!
What do you think?

[Astrid]

I can see part of the logic. A good friend of mine got a puppy when her DS was about 18 months. Within a day she was in tears and not coping. She and her DH had been deciding whether to go for a 2nd child. After that day her DH went a booked a vasectomy. It did show her that she was too much of a stress ball to be handling more than one at a time.

I have had cats most of my life and got a dog when DD2 was about 6 months. I have very strong attachments to my cats, I do worry about and in no way would I give them up, the dog, well he is another matter. They do show restrictions to your life about having to care for another, no more just hoping in the car for a weekend getaway. The house has to be setup with autofeeders for the cats, the dog is much harder, he either had to come if it is longer than 1 night away or we don't go. Really it is easier to go away with kids, at least they are welcome at most places unlike a dog.

[Heaven]

No it's not the same at all but it is a little taste of what it's like having to think about something else all the time whenever you plan something. We got a dog first, not with the thought to see if we were ready for a baby but actually looking back it was probably like getting ready. Proving to ourselves that we could look after something and keep it alive, lol. And our dog is like part of the family we would never sell him or anything so we have to put up with him whatever we do, LOL.

[Cricket]

I guess it's because I'm not really a pet person then. Honestly - if I thought that having children was like having a dog, we would not have children! I find that pets in general are not worth the hassle that they bring. But babies, though they may be much more "trouble," are worth every second, IMO. (Hence the fourth little person on the way. )

[HotI]

It's your very own little person! It's part of you and your husband.

Couples who have children using donor sperm, eggs, embryos or adopt still have hormonal reaction, attachment from conception or from first hearing about/seeing baby

There's no hormonal reaction to a dog. No mother-baby attachment from conception on. No life-long commitment. No moral upbringing to undertake.

People can have hormonal reactions to their pets. Pets have shown to decrease pain, depression and have many psychological and physical benefits. People do make a commitment to the length of the life of the pet. There is teaching of the pet to do, so that they are a responsible part of society- not the same as for a child but still a worthy job to do.

I haven't actually heard people say if you want to decide if you want a kid to get a dog first. Maybe this is a recommendation by people who have doubts the person is able to show commitment and responsibility and want to give them a taste of what it would be like to be responsible for another life?

I guess it's maybe partly because I'm not really a pet person, but if I had to make the decision about whether to have children or not based on how I liked having a dog, I would never have children!

I guess this is the clincher, if you are not a pet person, you can't understand the connection that people have with their pets. Similar to before you have kids you can't fully comprehend the feelings you will have for your kids.

just my thoughts

[Heaven]

Oh yeah, I love my dog to bits, he is definately part of our family.

[Cricket]

Yes, I understand that for some people, pets are part of the family. And if you're not a pet person, you don't get that. But you don't get that choice with a baby. If you're having a baby, you're having a baby. You don't get to say after a few months "well, I guess I'm not really a baby person."

I guess I find it odd advice, because for people who like pets, it might give them a good hint at the responsibility of parenting, whereas for people who don't like pets, it will make parenting seem like a huge, unwelcome burden, and they might decide not to have children, just because pets didn't work out so well.

[HotI]

Yes, I understand that for some people, pets are part of the family. And if you're not a pet person, you don't get that. But you don't get that choice with a baby. If you're having a baby, you're having a baby. You don't get to say after a few months "well, I guess I'm not really a baby person."

That's how adoption works. You do have that choice.

[Taurean]

I can see both sides to this. I think parenthood will be SO MUCH harder than owning a dog but I can see some similarities. Here's a list of how getting a dog changes your world:

- you are responsible for another life. You must feed them, love them, train them, exercise them, entertain them, bathe them, etc.
- they actually cost quite a lot of money, especially in the first year.
- as puppies, they cry a LOT at night. Most new dog owners suffer from sleep deprivation during the first couple of weeks. I know it's no comparison to a newborn but it's definitely a taste of what you're in for as a new parent
- house training them is hard work. Actually, training them in general is hard work!
- you can't just go away for a weekend or overnight without considering your dog. I know you can have them looked after but organising a dog sitter that you and your dog are comfortable with can be a stressful experience.
- you do feel guilty being away from them too often (ie at work, going out in the evenings, etc) - well I do at least
- they need regular checkups with the vet
- they need bedding, toys, a lead, coats (for cold or raining weather), treats, flea and worm treatment (monthly), food and water bowls

Dogs love their owners unconditionally and you really do create a very special bond with them. Often dog owners have raised their dogs from an early age (as young as 6 weeks old) and you have seem them grow from needy little puppies to adult dogs. They grow up a lot quicker than a child but they still go through the different stages: infancy, toddler, terrible twos, adolescence, adulthood and old age. Each stage comes with a new set of challenges.

We have an 18 month old spoodle who is absolutely gorgeous and he's normally quite well behaved (although a little hypo!) but he's going through adolescence right now and boy do we know about it. So much so that we have a professional trainer coming to work with him tomorrow. It's all just a stage he's going through but like kids, we need to teach him that his behaviour is not acceptable and what behaviour is acceptable.

Sorry for the ramble, I just thought this might give non-dog owners an insight into what it's like to own a dog. I have no doubt parenting is a hell of a lot harder than owning a dog but owning a dog is not an easy or cheap job at all. It's still extremely rewarding though

[DANNIIM]

No way....parenting is easier than a damn dog! Nah seriously you can never tell what sort of dog it will be or how easy your baby will be, there are just too many factors. We got another dog, 2nd one in the family and he is an absolute nightmare of a beast and to top it off we got him just before we found out i was pregnant so we have been doing the whole naughty dog and baby thing together! He's coming better now but boy was he BAD.....he is a destroyer, we even turned to each other one day and said should we just sell him and i am one to never think anything like that!

We seriously do love him to bits.

[Taurean]

[QUOTE=DANNIIM;1837163]No way....parenting is easier than a damn dog! Nah seriously you can never tell what sort of dog it will be or how easy your baby will be, there are just too many factors. QUOTE]

So funny! I have to admit, my dog's groomer (yes, another expense and necessity for long haired dogs) absolutely adores our spoodle but even she said 'if you can handle him and raise him as well as you have, parenting will be a breeze'. I know she wasn't deadly serious but it did make me wonder!

[NaeNae]

I can see it from your perspective Cricket, but I guess I am inclined to agree to a level that people should have pets before they have kids.

Particularly for the reasons mentioned. Sometimes in the case that you brought up that people may deter from having babies because they couldn't look after a dog or cat - personally I don't think that is such a bad thing either - as harsh as that sounds. It could be more of a responsibility issue and lets face it people live longer than pets.

Saying all of that though there are a HUGE number of irresponsible pet owners out there as well as a HUGE amount of people who's babys are in fact a burden on them and they cannot handle (or want) the responsibility of the child.

Of course in your case you have said you are not particularly pet minded so for you I wouldn't recommened a pet BUT I think it comes back to seeing if a person is truely ready for how much of an impact a baby can have.

Its taken 1 alpaca, 2 dogs, 2 cats and 2 horses for me to finally decide I was ready.

[Astrid]

I do know people that I would trust to look after my kids, but not my cats In my mothers case she was better off sticking to her cats than having kids. Amazing even in her will she had what to be done with her cats upon her death, but not what she wanted done for herself.

[GoingtobebiginAsia]

I had to put my lovely baby-dog down last August, aged 14.
I got her a couple of years before my first nephew arrived and I used to joke about how much easier a dog was than a baby -- three days to toilet train and able to be tied up outside the shops or left in the car (for short periods, with the windows down). I filled up her food and water bowls when they were empty. In return she gave so much love and shared her absolute joy at being alive.
I still miss her so much. We have a new dog now, who is a sweet thing but not as adorable as my old pal.
I am getting a bit worried about my reaction to the baby, actually, because it's going to be so much more work than a dog.
I don't think anyone should get a dog for "practice". Having a special dog friend is only rewarding if you like the way dogs operate.

[widdly]

I LOVE dogs. We had a dog before DS, he died when DS was 6 weeks old, he was our baby, we would never have parted with him, we loved him so much and had a very strong bond with him. However, a dog is much easier than a child! Easier to TT, easier to discipline, easier to get a sitter for, for the weekend LOL.

DH is adamant about not having another child ever, so in a couple of years he is going to buy me a puppy to treat like my baby, nurture, I need to nurture, so getting a puppy for us will be adding to our family, only a lot less stress than another baby he he.

[boobaloo]

i have 4 dogs, 4 cats and 7 chickens, and they are all eaiser to deal with than 2 naughty toddlers!!

but i agree that having a dog can give you a sense of responsibility, when i was living on the sunny coast for uni, i bought jeffersen, a black pomeranian/chihuaha, and he was my baby, he slept in my bed, drove everywhere with me, went everywhere with me, and was obsessed with me. he really taught me about responsibility, i felt guilty as sin everytime i had to leave him at home to go to classes, i would never smoke in my car if he was in it, and i always made sure that i had money at all times in case of vet emergency etc. so i think that having a dog can be a great prelude to parenthood.

on another note, i too became quite obsessed with jeffersen, i couldn't believe how much i could love and want to protect a dog, so when i found out i was pregnant with xavier, i was terrified i was going to lose my mind with love for my child, if the amount i could love a dog was so intense...

[grub17]

hi cricket, good topic.

i'm also of the mad-keen-dog loving brigade. But I think it all comes down to personality. DH and I absolutely adore our dog and have found she's been a bit of a sbustitute during our battle to have our own baby.

We take our role as her "pack leaders'' very seriously and we are just the kind of people that once an animal comes into our home, it stays - it's accepted as family.

Both our families are all crazy dog people too though, so it's a natural state for us.

BUT i do agree that just because you can raise a pup doesn't mean you can handle a baby. they are completely different. however, there is some truth to what others' were saying about a pet perhaps being the training wheels for a much more serious committment.

There's people who take on a pet and treat it as a disposable thing and can just get rid of it, iykwim. I suppose they, gasp-horror, treat their pet as an animal not a family member. so there's no real strong attachment.

if someone feels that getting a pet before having a baby may help them cope with not living such a selfish life, then great for them. At the end of the day, everyone has got to do what they feel is good for them. each to their own.