Half-siblings. I don't want my kids hurting.

[AwesomeFoursome]

My DH has 2 kids to his previous marriage, aged 12 & 5. Their mother is being extremely difficult and impossible to deal with. So we haven't seen DSD's for 6 months. We talk to them on the phone, mainly to the oldest one because the youngest one doesn't want to talk very often. I think it has been told to her that we don't love or care about her anymore. My main question is. Dh gets DS to talk on the phone sometimes, he also gets him the say goodnight to their photo when he has his nap and goes to bed, so 2 to 3 times a day. I don't know if this is a good idea to push them onto him when he isn't even allowed to see them. I just don't want my kids hurting. He doesn't remember them, he was only 10 months old last time we seen them. It hurts me not seeing them, I miss them heaps and I don't want ds to hurt if he doesn't have to. Maybe I'm being silly, I really don't know. Should dh be getting him to say goodnight to them all the time or should I say something to him?

Thanks heaps for any replies

[*TripleJ*]

well from personal experience i have both step siblings and half siblings i just saw my half brother and sisters after a few years of not seeing them and it was fine they live interstate and i dont see them for years at a time bu i think its a good idea to keep him remembering them coz when he finally does see them he will know who they are and wont be confused KWIM?

[Lulu]

DS won't be hurt by it, but he will know who is family is and recognise them as someone important when he does see them next.

I make sure my kids see pics of their cousins and aunts regularly - mainly cos we are a pretty big family scattered across the state. We only see them once a year and I don't want that one time to be awkward with a bunch of strangers iykwim?

[AwesomeFoursome]

Thanks JwithJ & Lulu. That all make sense. I might get DH to put up a new photo of DSD1 which isn't 7 years old.

[SophieRose]

I'm in the same boat as you, DP has a little girl from a previous relationship, and her mother makes is extremely hard to see her.
I want my son to have a close relationship with his sister, not only seeing eachother every so often when her mother lets us have her.

[AwesomeFoursome]

Sorry to hear that Sophie. We wanted ds to have a close relationship with his sisters too. It makes it hard when they never see each other. 99% of the time it feels like ds is a only child, one of the reasons we decided to have another one. Hopefully your DP's EX will let you have her more after your bubs is born.

[AwesomeFoursome]

Thanks mis_tree.

[Visitor8]

DS won't be hurt by it, but he will know who is family is and recognise them as someone important when he does see them next.

I make sure my kids see pics of their cousins and aunts regularly - mainly cos we are a pretty big family scattered across the state. We only see them once a year and I don't want that one time to be awkward with a bunch of strangers iykwim?

ITA.

I think it's a lovely thing to do.

Can your DH go for custody? Like weekends or something. As long as you can provide for them the courts will award some kind of agreement in your favour. Mothers can't just stop all contact for no reason.

[AwesomeFoursome]

Mel - She moved 5 hours away in August last year. We found out youngest DSD was at her grandparents so we went and picked her up yesterday. We had her for a couple of hours then as soon as dh said no to something she wanted she wanted to go back. I don't think she hears the word no very often. DH asked her why she never talks on the phone, she said she doesn't want to risk it (mother getting mad). Its sad we used to have them alot and they were happy, now they don't even want to stay. We went down the shops DS made DSD walk beside his pram and hold his hand the whole time, it was very cute. When we dropped her off DS cried and screamed and totally lost it for about 20 minutes, he wouldn't calm down for me or dh. Its so hard when they have been here then have to go home.

[Visitor8]

I can understand It's horrible when the kids are brought into it. My son used to come back saying "mummy is fat" and all sorts of stuff that my ex's gf (at the time) had taught him. It was hard because I could tell how much he missed his daddy but he didn't like her at all.

Does she drive? Because the courts will order middle ground drop offs, when I went to court for the boys their dad lived 3 hours away, they said to meet half way. Also he can claim travel cost on his Child Support. I am also pretty sure the courts don't favour parents who move away and effect the children seeing the other parent.

It can be hard, but maybe it's in the best interest for everyone if you and your DH seek legal advice and get some sort of agreement in place. That way there is some stability for you all, and noone is missing out. 5 hours is a LONG way to travel, but it's doable. Matt used to drive 3 hours up and 3 hours back to get them, and the same to drop them off 2 days later, every 2nd weekend for over a year to see the boys. I have since moved closer to him (half an hour away) and everyone is happy

[Nat82]

Hi I have the same thing to look forward to At the moment we have the two boys (12 and 15) every second weekend and half of school holidays, but we will be moving interstate soon, so it will just be half of school holidays. Also, at the moment we don't really see the two girls (17 & 19) living in the same town, so I guess that will be less when we move.

I'm actually dreading how we will manage with the step children/children I think we will encourage their relationship when they are there, but when they go I probably won't bring them up too much. My step children are older and I would be worried about getting my children all enthusiastic and I don't think that would be recipricated.

Anyway, definately something to think about...